Shattering Identities
by Ren-sama23
Summary: Subaru and Kamui are brothers... This fan fiction is a mix of yaoi and incest! Rated M in the latter chapters..!
1. Chapter 1

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**This fan fiction is a mix of yaoi and incest between Subaru and Kamui. Please don't continue if you don't like the genre. The characters are not mine. I borrowed them from X-1999. But the settings and everything else are of my own creation. ˆoˆ**

**CHAPTER 1**

Subaru and Kamui Shirou are brothers. Subaru is only two years older but the two of them never became close – not even when they were young, not even now, and maybe not in the future. Kamui always thought that his brother doesn't like him. Subaru seems to have built a wall to separate them, or at least shun Kamui outside his world. Moreover, people tend to compare the two of them whenever they see them together. This might be one of the reasons why his older brother doesn't like him at all. Now, Subaru is in his third year in senior high school and Kamui in his first year.

"Kamui, catch!" Sorata said as they are playing basketball. Kamui might not have the necessary height but he sure has the necessary skills. He caught the ball and shot a three-pointer. The audience, again, ran a round of applause for his magnificent shoots. When the game finished, the coach approached them.

"Do the two you want to be in the basketball club?" he asked.

"Of course!" Sorata enthusiastically answered. He looked at Kamui then.

"No, I don't want to. Sorry." He said.

"Eh! But I'm alone!" Sorata made a puppy like eyes.

"I don't care." Kamui said. But he smiled after a while.

They are eating lunch when Sorata opened the topic about the tennis wanting new applicants. Kamui seemed tense for a while but he relaxed when Sorata said that he's not forcing Kamui to join. Nokoru, Suoh, and Akira are eating silently while listening to their conversation.

"So, what's your plan? You have to pick a club soon, you know." Sorata insisted.

"I want to join the tennis club… but he's there as well…" Kamui quietly answered.

"Mattaku, why do you always worry about him? He doesn't even care about you!" Sorata said this without thinking. Nokoru immediately covered his mouth and Suoh hit him hard in the head. Kamui seemed shocked at first but laughed when his friends did that.

"I'm sorry…" Sorata apologized after a while.

"It's okay." Kamui smiled.

"But really, why do people always compare the two of you when the difference is a so huge it can occupy the entire universe?" Sorata said this with a sigh.

"You really don't have an ounce of delicacy, don't you?" Akira pinched Sorata's cheeks and pulled them outward.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Alright, I get it! I'm sorry!" cried Sorata.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Tadaima." Kamui said when he entered their house. Subaru is in the living room but he didn't answer him nor even looked at him. He just continued reading a book that looks like a very cool novel.

"Okairi!" His mother, Tooru, was the one who answered. She is smiling at him. Kamui returned it with his own heart-melting smile.

After a while, someone knocked on the door. Kamui opened it and let Fuuma, Yuuto, Shiyuu, Saiki, and Nataku inside. These three third years are his brother's friends. Only Fuuma greeted him. The others only greeted Subaru. The four of them went to Subaru's room, which Kamui have not even seen. Subaru always locks his door when he's inside or even when his out. Kamui thinks that even their parents have not seen how it looks inside except during his toddler age. He somehow felt envious of Subaru's friends.

"_Even __his __friends __don__'__t __like __me__…_" Kamui thought. He stayed inside his room and took a nap until night. He woke up when he heard his brother's friends laughing on the other side of the wall.

He heard a knock, and after that a voice. "It's dinnertime." Kamui almost jumped out of his bed when he heard his brother's voice. It's the first time he called him during dinner. He's used that their mother is the one who calls him.

"_Maybe __she__'__s __busy__…_" he thought.

"Did you hear me?" Subaru knocked again.

"Ah, yes… I'll come down in just a minute." He answered. And the knocking ceased; the voice did not speak anymore. He felt a kind of loneliness. Ever since they were little, he's been praying for his brother to like him. If only his brother would speak to him… not the way he speaks to him now but in a more brotherly way. He remembered during elementary when he first attempted to open a conversation between them. It was recess and his brother was together with those guys.

"Onii-chan! Onii-chan!" He called out but his brother didn't seem to hear anything, not even then and not even now. When he tried to touch him, Subaru slapped his hands and glared at him.

"I don't consider you as my brother so don't ever call me that. Now, get lost!" Kamui was shocked. Until then, he thought his brother was just an introvert and doesn't want to start conversations with him. Only then did he found out that he was actually hated.

"_No__… __he __hates __me __from __the __very __start__… __I __knew __it __and __I __just __didn__'__t __want __to __accept __it__… __He __gets __along __well __with __his __friends__… __He __laughs __with __them __always__… __Why __does __he __hate __me __so __much__…__?_" he cried his heart out in his room after that. And he never tried to speak to him again. And thus, the silent war between them had started.

He heard another knock. "Kamui?" It's his mother this time. Of course it's his mother. His brother would never call him by his name, especially not in a very adoring way like that. He opened the door and smiled at her. He just realized how he loves her so much.

It's very noisy in the dining room. Subaru's friends are more hyper than usual. Later on, he learned that it is Fuuma's birthday.

"Happy birthday. Sorry, I didn't know." Kamui said when they are eating dinner. He smiled at Fuuma.

"…Because you don't have to know." Subaru said without looking at him. The once joyful party suddenly became tense. Mrs. Shirou heaved a deep sigh.

"Ahhah… you'll make your little brother hate you if you keep saying things like that, Subaru." Fuuma said jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness. Subaru didn't react to what he said. The atmosphere somewhat became lighter after that. Then, he turned to Kamui and smiled. "Thank you! You can just give my gift next time. Or, you can just put a ribbon around your neck and go to my house." Kamui's shocked and reddened expression made him laugh.

"It was a joke. Sorry." Fuuma said while still laughing. The others also laughed with him. Subaru and Saiki remained quiet.

They decided to stay for the night since the next day is Saturday anyway.

"Subaru, why don't you sleep in Kamui's room so your friends can all stay in your room?" Their mother suggested. Subaru and Kamui both looked like cold water was poured on them. Subaru was about to argue but Fuuma stopped him by saying, "Now, that's a very nice birthday present for me." Subaru glared at him but didn't argue anymore. Kamui couldn't think of an excuse so he remained quiet.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"I'll sleep on the sofa." Subaru said quietly. They are in Kamui's room. He is preparing the bed when his brother said this. Kamui stopped what he's doing and looked at him. Subaru is standing beside the doorway like he's a visitor in a stranger's room.

"No, you can share the bed with me if you want, Onii–." He stopped. He never called Subaru like that ever since that day. They are really like strangers now. "Uhmm… You might not be comfortable on the sofa." He said unsurely.

"I'll sleep on the sofa." Subaru repeated seriously as if he didn't hear Kamui. "If you don't want that, I'll just sleep in the living room."

"Well, if that's what you want…" Kamui didn't try to argue anymore. He'll never win anyway. Subaru already went to the sofa without another word and slept.

"Do you sleep with the lights turned off?" Kamui asked, realizing how he doesn't know anything about his brother. There's always this awful feeling that's slowly creeping out of him whenever he tries to talk to his brother. It's killing him from the inside.

When Subaru didn't answer, Kamui decided to turn the lights off. He went to bed as well. He couldn't sleep at first. He is getting conscious of his brother. What if his brother is not comfortable? What if his brother couldn't sleep because he's there? What if he snores? Then his brother would be disturbed. What if he annoys him without noticing? What if… What if…

But slowly, his consciousness took him from his bed to a place far away, back to when he was just elementary. His brother is also there, but not the brother that he knows. Subaru is very kind, and he smiles at Kamui gently. They crossed rivers while splashing waters on each other. Subaru even guides him while crossing the river. And suddenly, the two of them were already in their third year and first year high school. But Subaru remained gentle and kind, smiling to him every time he looks at him. Subaru held his hand gently. He didn't get angry when Kamui called him onii-chan. He held Kamui's hand tightly… tightly… and he caressed Kamui's face with his other hand… and he kissed Kamui's forehead like what kind big brothers do… and his cheeks… and his lips… Kamui reddened and tried to push his brother but Subaru pulled him close… and Subaru slowly tried to open Kamui's mouth with his tongue… he gasped because of surprise… Subaru took advantage of this and shove his way inside his mouth… Kamui groaned… His lips are trembling. But Subaru didn't care. He continued to kiss him torridly. Kamui can feel Subaru's tongue inside his mouth… he can't explain the feeling. It feels as if something is slowly awakening inside him; and he started to feel dizzy…

"_Do __big __brothers __really __do __this?_" Kamui asked in his dream. Startled, he almost jumped out of bed. He's breathing raggedly. He's drenched in sweat. It's a nightmare…

"_What__'__s __wrong __with __me? __What__'__s __with __that __dream?_" Kamui looked around him. It's already morning and Subaru is nowhere in sight but his blanket is still on the sofa. "_Maybe __he __came __back __to __his __room__… __and __forgot __his __blanket?_"

He got up after a while and took a long, cold bath. After that, he covered himself in a very small towel which only covers from below his navel to the upper part of his thighs and walked out of the bathroom. He was about to prepare clothes when he saw himself in the mirror. He moved forward and looked at himself full in the face. His lips are still trembling – from the chill or the dream, he doesn't know. He touched his lips with his equally cold hands. He was so focused in himself that he almost shouted when he saw Subaru behind him.

"I forgot my blanket." He said in his very own cold voice.

"Oh. " He said, still dripping wet with cold water. "I put it on the bed." He waited for his brother to avert his gaze and get the blanket but Subaru remained silent, looking at Kamui's soaking wet, cold body with his cold eyes. When Kamui noticed this, he became conscious of himself.

"It's on the bed." He repeated. Subaru then unhurriedly took his blanket and left with the door in ajar without even a second look.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

The sensei, Karen Kasumi, is currently discussing about Freud. She explained how our unconscious desires take a different form, seep in and manifest itself as a dream.

"These dreams are our unconscious desires which we shunned from entering into our consciousness because societal norms don't allow it." She said; and asked, "So, have any of you experienced having a very weird dream? Anyone..? How about Shirou-san? Did you experience having a weird dream?" The class, especially the girls, suddenly became frantic. The leader of Kamui's fans club is in their class after all.

"So, Shirou-san… did you have any dreams lately?" Kasumi-sensei repeated.

Kamui stood up but he doesn't seem to be paying attention to the teacher. "Having a weird dream doesn't mean you desire it…" He answered. He seems to be talking to himself more than answering Kasumi-sensei's questions.

"So, you did have a dream. Do you mind sharing it with the class?" She asked again in a very kind way.

"Yes, I mind. I don't want to." Kamui said this strongly. The teacher seemed taken aback at his behavior. He wasn't able to control himself just now.

People always consider him to be a very calm and quiet person; unlike his brother who answers back to the teacher with his very cold demeanor. But his brother's cold behavior towards almost everyone is greatly covered by his academic and extra-curricular excellence. Subaru is one of the honor students which Clidoren School is greatly proud of.

"Ah, no, it's alright. The dream might be too personal to share. So, any other volunteer..? No..? I'll call someone again then." Kasumi-sensei called another one. Kamui went back to his seat and was about to continue his self contemplation when he heard his name being mentioned by one of his male classmates - Satsuki.

"Well, what can we do? Brothers are still brothers no matter how they deny it." Yatouji, another male classmate, whispered quietly to Satsuki. Satsuki's group has been in bad terms with Kamui's ever since middle school.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Don't mind them." Nokoru said while they are eating lunch. He is smiling at Kamui very kindly. "Those idiots just don't have what it takes to give the teacher their own opinions."

"Besides, Kasumi-sensei didn't get angry at you. Well, it's not as if she's the type to get angry at her students. She loves us so much." Akira said while chuckling. Kamui smiled at them but didn't answer.

"So, what's your dream all about? Surely you can tell us! We're friends after all!" Sorata teased him. But when Kamui glared at him, he immediately said, "Alright! Alright! I won't ask anymore. Tche…"

Kamui sighed deeply. "Alright, I'll tell you. But don't tell anyone."

"REALLY!" Sorata shouted in glee, but immediately returned to his normal voice when the other students looked at him in annoyance. "Really? Oh, by the way, Kamui… Don't ever glare to me like that…"

"Eh? Why?" Akira was the one who asked.

"…Because he looks like a chibi Subaru-senpai!" and he left out a might have been a pretty long laugh if it wasn't stopped by Nokoru who hit him hard in the head for the third time now. Kamui doesn't seem to be annoyed at this though. He seems amused.

"You really are the worst person living right now!" Suoh and Akira accused him in unison.

"I'm just kidding!" Sorata stroked the part where Nokoru hit him. "I didn't mean to annoy you, Kamui!" Kamui smiled at him in a way he wasn't expecting. This made him stare at Kamui for a while. When Kamui glared at him, he chuckled.

"You really are a very beautiful person." Sorata said while chuckling. Kamui's eyes widened. Sorata always likes to comment on this topic but Kamui is still not used to it nor will he be. "So, what's the dream all about?"

He remained silent for a while. Things about his brother are difficult to tell even without "that" thing. The he spoke after a while. "I dreamed about my brother." They all became silent.

"Sorata is really the worst, isn't he?" Akira told Suoh, just enough for Sorata to hear. Even Sorata looks like he'll die of guilt soon.

"Sorry… I didn't know the dream is about him." Sorata apologized. "…But you'll still tell us, right?" He asked with puppy-eyes.

Kamui chuckled. "Of course," and he started telling them the story, but the part where Subaru started kissing him was left unsaid. Even without that part, the four are already gaping at him.

"Maybe you really desire that…" Nokoru said seriously. Kamui's eyes widened at him. "Well… a little brother's wish is always to be loved by his older brother, right?"

"Oh, that's what you mean…" Kamui looked relieved.

"Why, do you think he meant something else?" Suoh asked before eyeing him suspiciously. He stopped when Kamui maintained his coolness in front of him.

Sorata sighed. When they looked at him, he said, "Well, I thought the dream would contain Kamui peeping on a female's bathroom or at least sleeping with one of his fan girls… but it turns out it's about his brother…." He immediately laughed when he saw Kamui's reaction.

"I would never do those kinds of things nor would I even think of doing those!" Kamui exclaimed, reddening.

"Only Sorata and Nokoru would think of something like that." Suoh and Akira said in unison.

"I won't do something like that! Sorata might, but don't include me in his category! I'm a real gentleman, you know." Nokoru argued. They laughed at his defensive attitude.

"Well, if you have other problems regarding that dream, you can always tell us." Sorata smiled. Kamui smiled at him as well. "Kamui, you really are a very beautiful person! When a person as beautiful as you smiles like that at me, my heart feels like leaping." Kamui feels both embarrassed and annoyed. The others laughed at the two of them.

"Sorata really likes teasing you because you always let him get to you." Akira said while sipping his Tang orange juice while holding his favorite pan de sal. Kamui glared at him but Akira only chuckled.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"So, have you chosen a club yet?" Sorata asked as they are changing to P.E. shirts in the changing room. Nokoru, Suoh, and Akira are in another class so they only meet up during lunch and after class.

"Not yet. "Kamui is still half-naked; and annoyed because the guys form another class are looking at him in a very perverted way. "What are you looking at?" He asked while glaring at them. They immediately averted their eyes and looked somewhere else.

"Woah… Don't glare like that. Your horns are showing!" Sorata patted Kamui's head while laughing at him. "Oops, sorry." He added, stifling his laugh, when Kamui turned his deadly glare to him.

After changing to their P.E. uniforms, they went to the playground and waited for the arrival of their P.E. teacher Seiichirou Aoki. As usual, he's late. They saw him running from the other side of the playground. When he got to them, he already looked so haggard and perspiring a lot. They went to one of the tennis courts and Aoki-sensei brought out their rackets and other tennis materials form the basement where the school properties and materials are kept.

"Okay, class… Today, we'll be… playing tennis. I already thought you… the basics and… the rules last meeting… so let's apply… everything here…" He explained while panting.

They started by trying to swing their rackets in a back-hand and fore-hand manner. After a while, they noticed the tennis club members coming closer together with their coach.

"Oh, may I ask what you are doing inside the tennis court of the TENNIS Club?" Coach Sakurazuka asked with a hint of sarcasm. The other members are smirking. Kamui saw his brother, the captain. But it seems he is not even smiling. He's just looking at them, away from Kamui's direction, like he's bored or uninterested. Fuuma, the tennis club's vice-captain, smiled at him when their gaze met. Kamui smiled at him as well. Most of his brother's friends are also in the Tennis Club.

Aoki-sensei looks humiliated but still answered, "This is Class 1-A's P.E. class. We asked permission and reservation from the Student Council to use it."

"Oh, I see. But do you know that we have the right to use it whenever we like because we're the Tennis Club?" The coach seems to be enjoying the panicking look of Aoki-sensei. "You see, we have decided to practice our tennis SKILLS right now. The national competition is just around the corner after all. We wouldn't want to lose just because we haven't practiced that much." The atmosphere feels really tense. The coach is clearly trying to make them – the unskilled ones – disappear in his sight. Aoki-sensei couldn't answer. It's not like he is afraid of Sakurazuka-sensei. He just doesn't want to pick a fight with his fellow co-worker.

"If you're already skilled enough, why bother practice?" Sorata wasn't able to control himself. He looks so pissed. Aoki-sensei smiled at him kindly.

"Alright then, we'll leave now." Aoki-sensei said to the coach. And to his class, "We'll just continue this on the open playground. Is that okay with everyone?" He's smiling kindly at them. He also patted Sorata gently on the head. Well, that's just the way he is. He always chooses to resolve things without violence. Everyone agreed.

When they were about to leave, Coach Sakurazuka tried to mock them again. "I think you and your class are better off inside the classroom. This kind of sports is just too much for your class to handle anyway. People who play tennis are only those who have the talent. It would embarrass me if people think we're playing the same sport."

"Please refrain from insulting my students. I don't care how much you insult me as a teacher. But please don't insult them." Aoki-sensei looks like he's angry but he's controlling himself.

Sakurazuka-sensei's grin widened. "Well, if your students have the skills and talent to play tennis, how about letting them play together with our captain Subaru?" Everyone immediately stepped backward when he said the name. Subaru is known for his coldness and ruthlessness in playing tennis. There are even time when the opponent gets hospitalized because of him. It's not that he injures them on purpose. It's just that his techniques are too much for others to handle. People who know this wouldn't even dream of fighting against him.

"So, no one in your class is skilled after all?" The coach asked while smirking on Aoki-sensei.

Aoki-sensei looked at them and smiled gently. "You don't have to fight against that man." He said and turned back to Sakurazuka-sensei. "Is it okay if I become their representative instead?" Everyone was shocked. They started to argue saying it's dangerous. But Aoki-sensei stopped them, "It's okay. Sorry to drag everyone into this mess. But we cannot let them step on our dignity just like this."

"Sorry but I have no interest in fighting weaklings, Sensei." Subaru spoke for the first time. Sakurazuka laughed so loud because of this. The other members laughed as well. Their whole class is now getting pissed. Fuuma sighed.

"Come on now, Subaru. Just think about it as exercising with the wall." The coach said. After some convincing, Subaru agreed half-heatedly. He still looks as cold as usual.

"Kamui, how good is your brother at playing tennis again?" Sorata gulped.

"He's the best… but also the worst." Kamui said silently without a speck of emotion.

"Now I'm really worried. How many minutes do you think he'll last?" He asked again.

"I don't know." He answered curtly. Sorata can't detect his emotion at all. Sometimes Kamui really acts very cold, just like this. Sometimes he's even colder than Subaru.

The game started. Everyone was made to watch outside. Aoki-sensei served the ball. It's a good serve, but Subaru hit it without even moving from his position. Aoki-sensei readied himself to catch the ball, but Kamui interrupted him.

"Sensei, don't even try hitting that ball." He said seriously. Aoki-sensei was distracted with him and missed the ball. His classmates looked annoyed.

"What's with that attitude? That ball is clearly in a position where it is very easy to hit. Even a novice like me can see that!" Satsuki said, purposefully tuning his voice loud so that Kamui and the whole class can hear him.

"Oh, I know! He just wants to get the attention to him–" Yatouji wasn't able to finish his sentence because Sorata shouted at him.

"Shut up! Like you said, you're a novice! So don't act like you know anything!" He exclaimed.

"Please don't fight, everyone." Aoki-sensei tried to calm them down.

"Oh, an internal fight? How befitting for you and your students," the coach laughed again. Aoki-sensei doesn't seem affected at all by his taunts. He looked at Kamui. When their gaze met, Aoki-sensei smiled at him.

"But it seems Kamui knows a lot about his older brother. If Aoki-sensei had tried to hit that ball, he would've broken his wrist." Fuuma is the one who speak. He's smiling at Kamui. Kamui wasn't expecting that topic so he looked taken aback. But he still recovered quickly. His classmates all looked clueless as to what Fuuma means. "That ball might look like it's returnable, but it's actually not… at least not by someone who is not a tennis prodigy." Fuuma continued. His classmates who looked annoyed earlier finally understood.

"Oh? So you were trying to protect him earlier?" Sorata teased Kamui again. Kamui glared at him but he just chuckled. Kamui's first reaction to everything is to glare.

"Hmph. How can that be a ball that can injure opponent when it's just a slow ball?" Yatouji still persists.

"Well, a novice such as yourself would not be able to understand no matter what you do." Fuuma answered for him. He's still smiling but his eyes are cold. He's angry. He doesn't seem to like the fact that Kamui is being bullied in front of him. Satsuki glared at Fuuma for saying those things to his subordinate, but Fuuma didn't see it.

"Kamui. That guy is siding with you." Sorata whispered to him. Kamui looked at Fuuma but didn't say anything.

"This time I'll make sure you won't be able to avoid the ball even if 'someone' tries to warn you again, Sensei." Subaru said coldly.

"He doesn't really respect anyone, does he?" Saiki said.

"Well, at least he's calling him 'Sensei'." Fuuma chuckled. Yuuto chuckled with him.

Aoki-sensei served and readied himself again. Kamui wasn't even able to talk. The ball was too fast that the next thing they knew is that Aoki-sensei is holding his seemed to be a broken wrist. His racket was thrown outside the court. No one moved. Sorata grabbed Kamui, entered the court, and helped Aoki-sensei.

"I'm alright." Aoki-sensei smiled but his face is showing how painful it is.

Sakurazuka-sensei laughed. "See? A no talent like you, Sensei, is no match for a prodigy." The other members couldn't laugh because he's a teacher, and he was hurt because of them.

"You're next." They all looked and saw Subaru pointing his racket at Kamui. They looked at each other for a while. Then Kamui took a racket from one of the benches and examined it closely.

"Well, if that's what our captain wants… How about it, Shirou-chan? Do you want to play with your older brother?" The coach asked. "It'll be the continuation of the battle. Since Aoki-sensei won't be able to fight anymore, someone needs to take his place, you know."

"Ah, Kamui..? What are you doing?" Sorata asked him worriedly. "Don't even think of playing with that guy. Even Sensei's wrist is broken! What do you think will happen to your sexy and beautiful body?" Sorata exclaimed. Aoki-sensei forgot about his wrist for a while. He wanted to laugh. Everyone else is stifling a laugh. Kamui felt embarrass. He hit Sorata on the head with the racket and left him.

"O-Ouch… you don't have to be that embarrass… I would be extremely happy if someone told me I have beautiful body…" Sorata said.

"We're talking about wrists, aren't we?" Kamui glared at him.

"Shirou-kun, are you sure you want to play with him?" Aoki-sensei asked.

"Yes, Sensei," Kamui answered without looking at him.

"Well then, I won't go to the clinic just yet. I want to watch." He smiled.

"…even if there's a 70-80% chance that I'll lose?" Kamui looked at him now. He looks like he wants someone to stop him from fighting his brother.

Aoki-sensei smiled at him again and patted him on the head. "I'll still support you, even if there's 100% chance that you'll lose."

"Now, now… That's not an encouraging thing to say, Aoki-sensei." Sakurazuka-sensei interrupted them.

"I'm encouraged enough, so shut up now, old man." Kamui turned to him with a stabbing glare. Sorata wanted to laugh because the coach looked like he was slapped in both of his cheeks. He was greatly taken aback. The others looked shocked at his behavior. Fuuma, Yuuto, and Saiki are laughing.

"Good one, Kamui-chan!" Fuuma exclaimed and the coach glared at him.

"He really carries the same cold blood Subaru does!" Yuuto is now stifling his laugh because of the non-stop glares from the coach.

"That's not a good thing to say to a teacher, Shirou-kun." He patted Kamui again. Kamui didn't argue anymore. He has a more controlled behavior than his brother.

"Are you going to play or just stand there like an idiot?" Subaru spoke again. Kamui looks annoyed.

"A fight between brothers, huh? Does Kamui even know how to play tennis? We' just started playing it, don't we?" The class is getting noisy whispering with each other.

"And Shirou-kun even said that there's a 70% chance that he'll lose! Whet if his wrists will be the next to break?" One of the fan girls said worriedly.

"His brother doesn't have any mercy at all… challenging him like that! Poor Kamui-kun…"

"Let's just watch them." Sorata said when he and Aoki-sensei went outside the court.

"Ah, it's starting!" One of the girls exclaimed.

It started with Subaru as the server. Every one ball passed with Kamui just standing and looking at his brother. He has some grazes because his brother is purposefully hitting him. The score is now 1-0 and the jeer from the other members of the tennis club are just getting louder.

"I can't believe you're brothers! You can't even measure up to his toes!" One of the loudest laughs is of course from the coach. It is Kamui's turn to serve now.

"Maybe that little Kamui is not a legitimate Shirou at all–" The coach was stunned when the ball came flying to him. He barely dodged it. It was as fast as Subaru's. He looked humiliated and was about to retort when he saw Kamui's expression – he is smiling and glaring at the same time. He looks so scary. The coach gulped and decided to remain silent for a while.

The game continued, but Kamui doesn't seem to be himself anymore. He keeps grazing Subaru with every return ball. Subaru doesn't seem to mind but his fans are already panicking and picking a fight with Kamui's.

Sorata looks disoriented. "I've… never seen Kamui like that… Until a moment ago, his returns are focused on making his brother run after the ball. But now… he's purposefully hitting him…"

"They're purposefully hitting each other. If this fight continues, one of them might end up in a hospital." Aoki-sensei looked so worried. "But I don't think I can stop it..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Ren-sama's note:**

**I thank everyone for the reviews. I appreciated that. Thank you. This chapter is the start of the M rating for some and just another T or K+ for others. Please enjoy. ^o^**

**CHAPTER 3**

The fight still continued for an hour without a break. Both of them have grazes – shallow and deep ones – on their arms and beautiful faces. They both looked so cold that's why no one dared to interrupt them. Luckily, it's their last subject for the afternoon so they don't have to worry about being absent.

"This isn't nice… They are hurting each other for real… For Subaru to do that is just ordinary… but for Kamui-chan to also do the same…" Fuuma said.

The game is currently 5-4, with Subaru on the advantage. Then it became 6-4. Subaru won. The whole tennis club cheered. And everyone from Class 1-A looks hopeless. Kamui still hasn't spoken a single word. He's still standing at the center of the court. He looked at the sky but his face remained dark. Sorata was about to go to him, but Fuuma went first. Kamui lost consciousness the moment Fuuma touched him. He immediately carried him and went off to the school clinic. Subaru doesn't look bothered in the least. This made Sorata really angry. He stormed to where Subaru is and gave him one hard punch on the face.

"What kind of brother are you? Kamui lost consciousness and yet you don't even care in the least!" Sorata is very red from anger. Subaru's fan girls are so angry they are picking a fight with Sorata, though he does not seem to see them.

"What is it to you?" Subaru asked in an expression Sorata has never seen before. It's even colder than the expression he had earlier. It's like he wants to pierce Sorata apart with only his glare. This made Sorata tremble involuntarily. Subaru wipe off the blood from his face and left Sorata and the fan girls without any word.

"_Why __is __he __angry? __I __should __be __the __one__–_" his thoughts are interrupted by tap on his shoulder.

"What happened here?" It is Nokoru. Suoh and Akira are behind him.

"No… nothing…" He felt sick. Kamui acted in such a way he had never seen before and his brother is the worst.

"I'm the President of the Disciplinary Committee and you can't even tell me why there are too many people fighting?" Nokoru looked annoyed. Suoh and Akira are his subordinates. The Disciplinary Committee is a different sector from the Student Council. It acts like a Guidance Committee in a way.

"Let's go to Kamui first…" He answered. "I'll tell you when we get there." After this, Nokoru commanded the other committee members to stop the students' fighting and went to the clinic with Sorata. He explained the details along the way. Aoki-sensei is also there when they arrived. He seems to be looking after Kamui who has not regained consciousness even until now.

"Where's the guy who brought him here?" Sorata asked when the four of them have finally settled.

"Ah, you mean Monou-kun? He went outside to get a drink and probably… to tell the older Shirou-kun about the younger Shirou-kun's condition." He answered.

"What for? That guy doesn't care anyway!" Sorata still looks angry. In fact, he's even more angry right now than earlier. He can't contain himself. Nokoru sat on one of the sofas. Suoh and Akira did the same. Sorata remained standing.

"You shouldn't have done that. Hitting him, that is…" Aoki-sensei said calmly. "Arisugawa-kun, even if they treat each other like that, we outsiders cannot simply interfere with their affairs."

"I know that… but earlier, Kamui looked like he's crying…" Sorata sat beside the bed and pat Kamui's head gently.

"You're quite observant, kid. Yup, you're right. He was crying back there." They all turned and saw Fuuma standing beside the door. And they are all shocked to see who's standing beside him.

"Older Shirou-kun…" Aoki-sensei mumbled.

"What are you doing here?" Sorata was about to attack and give him a punch when Akira and Suoh restrained him. "What are you doing? Let me go! I need to give that genius or whatever senpai a punch or two so that he'll learn how to at least respect his little brother!"

"You don't even know anything kid, so calm down." Fuuma tap Sorata's head twice. He passed him and went to where Kamui is sleeping.

"What are you doing?" Aoki-sensei asked when Fuuma carried Kamui. His head is leaning on Fuuma's broad chest.

"Where are you taking him?" Nokoru and Sorata asked in unison. But Sorata's voice is amplified with anger.

"…to his house, of course." Fuuma said. "He won't be waking up soon, so we'll just carry him home."

"How do you know he won't be waking up soon? Has this happened before?" Aoki-sensei asked.

"Yup, it's the third time it happened. You know, Kamui-chan has a–"

"Stop it." Subaru said and immediately left, leaving Fuuma behind. Fuuma sighed.

"Well, we'll leave you now." Fuuma smiled at them before he too left them.

"K-Kamui-chan..? How close are they..?" Sorata was left gaping.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

His body feels so painful and weak, and yet so warm. He opened his eyes and saw that the room was dark. The only light he can see is coming from the window. Someone is sitting on the bed. He tried to see who it is but he can hardly move because of the throbbing pain. His chest is hurting so much that he can hardly breathe.

"Can you breathe now?" a voice so familiar to him asked.

"Onii… chan…" he said weakly. Subaru leaned closer to him.

"Don't call me that." He said in his usual cold demeanor. "And didn't I tell you not to play tennis with me anymore? You should have refused when I asked." Kamui doesn't know what to answer so he remained quiet. He shut his eyes closed because of exhaustion. Subaru bend forward again. Their face is now aligned – and closer than ever.

"Where's mother?" he asked, his eyes still closed. He wants his mother by his side right now.

"…In the kitchen, making dinner." Subaru answered. Kamui's eyes opened when he felt Subaru's breathe on his face. His eyes widened when he saw how close they are. Subaru doesn't seem to be bothered. "You still cling on to her even up until now?" He asked without doing anything about their position. Kamui is starting to feel embarrassed.

"Onii-chan… you're… too close…" He still feels so weak.

"Don't call me that." Subaru's face turned cold again – but it doesn't mean it's not cold earlier.

"But why do you… keep on saying that…" Kamui looks like he'll cry again. "Am I really not a… legitimate part of the… Shirou family..? Tell me… Onii–" Kamui wasn't able to continue what he was about to say. Subaru suddenly kissed his open lips. He was so shocked he wasn't able to move for a while. He started resisting but failed miserably. Subaru held both of his hands and continued to kiss him torridly. He can't breathe and he's starting to feel dizzy again.

"Onii… nnn… cha–.. mmm… ahh… stop… sto…nnn…" Kamui tried to speak but his brother wouldn't listen. He tried to push him out using his own tongue but the result is a very erotic kissing scene. Subaru's hands started to feel him and his body. He can't do anything. He started to feel weaker. He clutch Subaru's clothes to at least prevent himself from passing out. His body, especially his face, feels really hot. Subaru continued to touch him and his groin. He can only moan because his mouth is full with Subaru's tongue. He let go of Kamui's lips and bit his left ear. Kamui cried with the pain. Subaru then slowly removed his clothes and kissed his neck, his shoulders, his chest… He's still caressing Kamui's groin.

"…nnn…s..top… it… onii-…cha… nnnn…" he cried as Subaru licks and sucks his nipples. Their pale-pink color really amuses him every time. Kamui gritted his teeth. He can only push Subaru in vain. He has no strength left. The terrifying pleasure from his brother's lips and touches is drowning him.

After a while, Subaru seemed to have regained his self-control and stopped. He was horrified at himself. His anxiety heightened when he saw what has become of Kamui. He's half-naked, perspiring, and breathing raggedly. He's crying and tears are flowing endlessly on his cheeks. He looks so horrified and his whole body is trembling.

"Kamui…" He just realized what he had done. "This is the reason why I don't want you near me… now, don't ever come near me nor call me brother again." He went out of Kamui's room without any other word. The moment he came inside his room, he lay on his bed and cursed.

"_How __can __I __be __so __stupid __as __to __lose __control __when __Kamui __is __awake..? __There__'__s __no __turning __back __now; __he__'__ll __hate __me __forever__… __for __sure__… _"

Kamui is on the bed for several hours now without moving an inch. He didn't answer when his mother called him. He didn't even budge. He's looking at the ceiling above him but he can see nothing. He's lost, and he doesn't know how to return.

"O…nii…chan… why…?" his lips said unconsciously as his tears are falling.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

"You're awake, but you look terrible..." His mother said worriedly while preparing breakfast. She stopped what she was doing and hugged Kamui tightly. "What's the matter, son?"

"Mother…" He hugged her back. "I… I don't know what to do…" and he cried in front of her.

"Hush now… Mother is here, okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Kamui refused but continued to cry on her slender shoulders. "If you ever need a shoulder, just lean on me… If you want an ear, I'll listen, okay?" Kamui nod while his tears are flowing on his cheeks. He's hugging his mother tightly because he doesn't want her to see him cry.

They ate breakfast quietly. Kamui's face is still red from crying.

"Where's O…on-..?" He can't continue. His voice won't come out.

"You mean your brother? He left early today. I wonder if it's because of his club activity. He also said he'll be sleeping on Fuuma's house so don't wait for him." Tooru waited for him to say something. When he didn't, she asked. "Did you get into a fight with him?" But when she saw that Kamui looks like he was about to cry again, she smiled and said, "You don't have to answer. Eat your breakfast now before it gets cold."

"Mother, can I skip class?" He asked.

Tooru smiled at him. "I knew you'd say that."

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Tooru put the blanket on him. "Mattaku, saying you can't sleep alone in your own room…" she chuckled. "You can sleep now. I'll stay with you just this once, okay?" Kamui nodded. She kissed him on the forehead. Kamui fell asleep really fast. He wasn't able to sleep the whole night after all. She kept stroking his hair gently.

"Alright, you can come out now." She said. Subaru is just on the other side of the wall. He entered the room. He looks so miserable.

"You don't want to talk… Kamui isn't even an option… I can't do anything with knowing only nothing, you know." Tooru sighed. "Your father is gone now… I don't want any of you to leave me anymore. So please, stop saying that you want to leave…"

"I'm sorry, mother… but I just can't stay here anymore…" Subaru doesn't wear his usual cold demeanor. He's pleading.

"Give me three reasons why you have to leave." She demanded.

"The first is so that I won't be able to hurt him anymore… second, so that he won't hurt me anymore… and third, for both of us to be able to forget…" He answered.

"I don't understand why you'll hurt Kamui by staying here when you can just choose not to… But it seems that you've made up your mind…" Tooru sighed. She wants to cry as well. "I'll be on the kitchen if you need something, okay?" Subaru nodded at her.

"_Anata__… __it __seems __you__'__re __right__… __Subaru __does __look __at __Kamui __differently__… __I__'__m __sorry __I __pretended__to not __know __anything__…_" she went directly to the kitchen and started washing the dishes. "_Those __on __Kamui__'__s __neck__… __are __kiss __marks__… __Subaru__… __what __do __you __think __you__'__re __doing __to __your __own __brother...?_"

"I'm sorry…" Subaru whispered to Kamui. His fingers are caressing Kamui's cheeks. "I couldn't control myself last night…" He kissed Kamui's forehead, then his cheeks, and then his lips. He always does this every night. He makes sure that Kamui is asleep before saying good night to him by kissing his forehead, cheeks, and lips. His kiss on his lips is far longer than the others.

"You can now live happily with mother… No one will compare you to me anymore… You don't have to think that you're not part of this family… You won't feint because of anger and grief…" And he kissed him again on the cheek. "I… I love you…"

He was shocked when he saw his mother standing beside the door. They just looked at each other for a while.

"Mother…" Subaru said. He immediately stood up, away from Kamui. She went closer and slapped him twice, on both cheeks.

"I won't say anything harsh. But please, for Kamui's sake, refrain from doing that." She said.

"You… don't look surprised at all… You knew it..? …everything?" Subaru asked after a while, still holding his now red cheeks.

"Your father and I both know you look at him in a very different way than how most brothers do to their younger siblings… I just don't want to accept it. But I guess it's really true…" She said. Subaru thought she'll slap him again but she didn't. Instead, she hugged him.

"Mother… Why am I like this..?" Subaru asked with his face on her shoulder. She thought that he must be crying inside. It must be pretty painful for him.

"Come back as soon as you can." She said.

"Yes, mother. I love you…"And he was gone.

She didn't ask when that 'soon' will be… She doesn't even know where he'll be going… Because she knows that Subaru doesn't know the answers to either question yet.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

When Kamui asked about his brother the next day, she said he only went somewhere else. And that he'll be back soon. Kamui went to school even though her mother still wants him to rest.

"I'm fine. It's just lack of sleep. Sorry about yesterday, mother. It seems I made you worry again." Kamui smiled before he left the house. His mother sighed.

At school, Kamui doesn't seem to be himself. He ate lunch inside the classroom, afraid that he'll run into his brother. He doesn't know how to face him, with all that he did the other night.

"Ne, Kamui," Kamui was surprised when Sorata called him. "I've been talking to you ever since earlier. Are you even listening?" He looks worried.

"I'm fine…" He answered. He's thankful that Sorata and the others also ate in the classroom together with him. They all looked worried so he tried not to think about his brother for a while and focused on other things. He managed to do it until the afternoon. However, when he got back home, all the things he wanted to forget immediately resurfaced and haunted him all night. He didn't see his brother the whole day. It made him lonely, but it also made him thankful. He loves his brother, but he's afraid of him, especially after what happened.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Mother, it's been two months now and O.. nii…" He still can't say it. It feels so painful every time he tries to speak that name.

"You mean Subaru? He said he has some appointments with his friends. He won't be coming home today." She smiled at him.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"I really wonder what happened to your brother… He just vanished without even dropping out of school." Sorata said curiously.

"Your mother keeps saying the same line for two months now, huh…"Nokoru said.

"Now, that's suspicious." Akira said to Nokoru.

"Maybe she knows where he is, but can't tell you..?" Suoh concluded.

"It's your brother anyway. I'm sure he'll be fine." Sorata smiled at him. Nokoru touched Sorata's forehead and touched his own at the same time.

"Well, his temperature is normal. The change in attitude towards Kamui's older brother must because he's already crazy… or he's just an idiot who keeps on changing his mind." Nokoru and the others laughed. Sorata scowled at them.

Kamui looked at the glass window of the school cafeteria. As usual, he's off somewhere thinking about many things. Up until now, it still shocks him when he remembers that night. He still can't believe it's true. And that it really happened. "_He __left__… __without __even __a __single __explanation__… __or __apology__… __And __that __was __my __first __kiss__…_"

"What, you want me to kiss you?" Sorata asked. Kamui was surprised when Sorata asked that to him. It seems he was unconsciously touching his lips while contemplating. He reddened, hit Sorata on the head, and stormed out of the cafeteria.

"Ahhah, you made him mad again." Akira said while drinking R.C.

"I didn't mean to! I was just trying to tease him because he's not listening to me and keeps on touching his lips." Sorata explained.

Kamui went to the library first. He's used to doing this and he doesn't know why. It's not as if he wants to read books. He went to one of the shelves and found the book he saw his brother read. He read it. It is a novel entitled "The Wandering Detective" by K. Zamora. He was so absorbed in reading it that he was surprised when he heard the ring of the bell. He immediately put the book back to the shelf and ran. When he was on the way, however, he was attacked by Satsuki's group. They took him on the ground behind the library where students seldom goes. Kamui was about to leave them when Yatouji grabbed his arm.

"Where are you going, little Shirou?" Yatouji smirked. It really pisses Kamui when they call him that.

"It seems your brother already left you, didn't he?" Satsuki, the leader, said.

"Well, maybe because he couldn't stand Kamui's face and ran away from home!" Another one taunted. Kamui's patience is reaching its limit, though he does not show it.

He was about to leave when a guy from another class who also belong to Satsuki's group hit him hard with something like a metal bar. He knelt on the grasses because of pain. The blow caused him to cough blood. But he still didn't say a thing. He only glared at them. This made Satsuki angrier. He ordered them to beat him and they did. They beat him until he can't stand anymore.

"Looks like you'll be sleeping there for the rest of the night." The guys laughed. And they locked the door. He was only half-conscious so he doesn't know where they took him. It's very dark and he can't move. He can feel the gush of blood coming out from his wounds, but the pain is slowly fading away, leaving only numbness – just like how his consciousness is slowly being eaten by darkness. Slowly… slowly… slowly… until there is nothing but dark…

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"_Someone! Please help me! Open the door!" he kept on repeating in his little voice. He was banging the door but still no one comes to his rescue. He was crying. Some bullies trapped him in an abandoned building's rest room. He was so scared and cold. It was getting dark._

_Time had passed but no one came. "Onii-chan… no, he hates me… he wouldn't even try to look for me even if I disappeared…"_

"_Is someone here?" a voice asked from the other side._

"_Fuuma-nii-san!" Kamui exclaimed._

"_Kamui-chan! You're here! Wait a minute, okay?" Then the other side got silent. _

"_Fuuma-nii-san? Are you there?" But no one is answering. After a while, the door opened._

"_Fuuma nii–," he was happy. But it wasn't Fuuma._

"_How idiotic can you get? Do you even know how mother and father were worried sick?" Subaru said in his usual cold demeanor. He saw wounds and grazes on his brother's face and arms, and his school uniform was very dirty. But he didn't know why. He wanted to ask but he's scared of him._

_Fuuma arrived. "Sorry, I'm late. I just finished on my side." Fuuma also looked the same as his brother. They looked like they were beaten by something. "Are you okay, Kamui-chan?"_

"_You see, Subaru went looking for you everywhere. And then we heard those guys talking about you. Well, we got into a fight." Fuuma laughed._

"_My brother went looking for me..?" Kamui thought to himself. "I never thought my brother would look for me when I'm gone missing."_

"_Kamui… Kamui… Kamui!" This voice… I know this voice…_

He slowly opened his eyes. It's too bright. He can't see anything for a while, but then his vision went clear, the pain went clear. Everything went clear.

"Kamui-chan..?" It's Fuuma. He looks so exhausted… and very worried to the point of panicking. He's also panting. "Are you alright..? Well, of course you're not. Look at what they've done to you…"

"Fuu…ma-nii..ch..n…," Kamui uttered very weakly. His whole body is aching. He can't even move. Fuuma smiled gently at him.

"It's been a long time since you called me nii-chan." Fuuma laughed and looked behind him. "He called me nii-chan. Should I take your place?" He seems to be teasing someone but Kamui can't see who it is because it's behind Fuuma and he can't move to see. But then Fuuma stood and faced the other person while carrying him. It's the first time he had a clear, though a little blurred, vision of who Fuuma is talking to. He felt weaker than ever.

"Let's take him to the hospital." Fuuma said. The other person just kept looking at Kamui in his usual stony expression, and then he looked at Fuuma and consented. And they started walking, almost running.

"O..h..nn..ch…nn…"Kamui tried to open his mouth to call him but only weak moans came out. He's in so much pain that he can't make any more sound than that. He wants to see him, to reach for him. He's happy to see him… even for just a while… Instead of calling out, Kamui tried to reach for him. Fuuma noticed this and stopped. The other person looked at Fuuma, and then Kamui who is struggling to reach for him.

"O…o…nn…" Kamui tried to. But he just can't reach him no matter how outstretched his hands are. In the end, it fell miserably without reaching that person as his consciousness slowly grows fainter and fainter… And he totally passed out.

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**Since ore-sama have made you wait for too long, I will upload this chapter in the same day with Chapter 5. For a while, you won't have to imagine or even contemplate about what happens next. ˆoˆ**

**Maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga taong patuloy na sumusubaybay sa aking kwento. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"_Onii-chan! Onii-chan!" Kamui keeps running and running in the dark. But he still can't reach him. He's still so far. "Onii-chan! Wait for me! Don't leave me!" _

_His brother keeps walking away, leaving him alone in the dark. He's so tired and wounded – both in body and in heart. _

"_Onii-chan… do you hate me that much..?" He felt his own tears falling. "What am I to you..?" _

_He looked up but nothing is there. Nothing but darkness is creeping inside him. He felt the warm tears falling to his cheeks. The tears… so warm and bright… But it's not coming from his eyes for they have already become numb just a little while ago. It's coming from somewhere else… From someone else…_

"_Does this mean that someone else is crying in this dark place..?" He thought. _

"_Kamui… Kamui…" He can hear the sobs. It sounds like it's in pain._

He can feel the tears falling on his cheeks. He slowly opened his eyes. He was stunned when he met her eyes full of tears.

"M-Mother…" Kamui said silently and weakly. Tooru stopped crying and looked at him, a bit surprised. He smiled weakly. "I'm alright now, Mother…"

She looks so miserable and exhausted. She immediately hugged him without any word. She didn't even asked what happened. All she cares about is that Kamui is awake now. After a while, she said, "Oh, my son... Thank God, you're awake…" She's crying and laughing at the same time.

Kamui was silent for a while. His mother is hugging him with her tears falling continuously.

"Now look what you've done. You made mother cry." Fuuma said, smiling at him. Only the three of them are in the room. He's looking for someone else… But it seems that that last scene before he passed out was only a figment of his imagination… or worse, Freudian dream.

"Don't cry now, mother…" Kamui smiled weakly. Tooru smiled at him and wiped the tears on her cheeks. She did the same on Kamui's.

Tooru peeled some apples for him and he ate them hungrily. It seems that he was unconscious for two days and his mother has been there taking care of him since then.

"Mother, you should rest now. We can take it from here." Fuuma said. "Besides, he's awake now." Up until now, Kamui still wonders why Fuuma also calls her 'mother.'

"_We..? __What __does __he __mean __by __that? __Is __there __someone __else __with __us?__" _Kamui thought. He thought about that person. "_Of __course, __it__'__s __not __him__… __What __am __I __thinking..?_"

After some encouragement, his mother finally left the hospital. But she promised him that she would be back in the morning.

"Sorry I had to make her leave your side." Fuuma told Kamui after Tooru left. "It's just that… she seems so exhausted. She hasn't left your side ever since we called her. I want to make her at least have some nice rest."

"Thank you." Kamui managed to say. "_Again __with __the__ '__we__'… __What __does __he __mean __by __that..?_"

"Ano…" Kamui mumbled.

"Hmm? What is it?" Fuuma asked, smiling. "Are you going to ask about that guy?" He grinned when Kamui's eyes widened with surprise.

"No…" Kamui averted his eyes from Fuuma's gaze. He's slightly blushing for being easy to read.

"That guy, huh… Well, I haven't seen him for a while now…" Fuuma said.

"_I __knew __it__… __So __that __was __just __a __dream, __huh__…_" Kamui feels so miserable. "So Freud is right after all…" He mumbled before he left out a bitter laugh.

Fuuma walked towards him and sat on the bed beside him. He smiled at Kamui's innocent look on him. "Your brother is very cute, you know. Do you mind if I steal him from you?" Fuuma is caressing Kamui's hair when he said this. Kamui's eyes widened again.

"F-Fuuma-senpai… You like my brother?" He asked without thinking.

"Eh..! And here I thought you'll call me Fuuma-nii-sama from now on!" Fuuma teased. Kamui blinked. "And besides," Fuuma continued. "I wasn't talking to you just now."

"Eh? W-What do you mean?" Kamui is so confused as to what is happening. Fuuma laughed.

"Do you want to find out who I was talking to?" Fuuma smirked. Kamui blinked again. He can't seem to follow what Fuuma was talking about.

"Fuuma-senpai, I don't understand what you're talking about." Kamui looks so confused.

"Let me show you then." Kamui's eyes widened with shock when Fuuma suddenly went on top of him and kissed him on the cheeks. His body became so tense that Fuuma laughed at him. But his laugh was replaced with a grumble of pain when someone suddenly hit him on the head from behind.

"Ouch! Mattaku, you really can't take jokes as jokes. You always take things so seriously." Fuuma was still complaining when the other person grabbed his shirt and carried him away from Kamui's bed and from Kamui himself. Kamui is so shocked that he can't move. His eyes are wide, not because of what Fuuma just did but what was done to Fuuma… by none other than his older brother, Subaru.

"Don't touch him." Subaru said coldly to Fuuma. Fuuma just laughed at him.

"I know you would not be able to control yourself! Ha!Ha!Ha! And you just said you won't let yourself be seen no matter what I'll do!" Fuuma is teary-eyed from laughing. Subaru seemed so pissed off. When he looked at Kamui's direction and saw that Kamui was looking at him, both of them immediately turned away their gaze. Fuuma laughed again when he saw this.

"You're like lovers having a quarrel." Fuuma said under his breath. Unfortunately, Subaru heard it and gave Fuuma a hard hit on the head, just enough for the big guy to groan in pain once more. However, Kamui didn't seem to have heard it. It made Subaru sighed with relief.

"Alright then, I'll leave the two of you alone for a while." Fuuma said and he stifled a laugh when he saw how both of them became tensed all of a sudden. "Subaru, don't eat him, okay?"

He ran out of the room when Subaru seemed like he'll attack Fuuma. He shut the door when he left. Subaru was left standing on the other side of the room, not looking at Kamui. Kamui is frozen in his position, looking at the door. Then Kamui looked at his brother. As usual, he can only see Subaru's back. It has always been that way. Subaru is always ahead of him in everything. Kamui can only look at his back… or his leaving figure. He noticed how Subaru seemed to have grown more during the past two months that Kamui didn't see him. Subaru's back has always been so elegant and handsome for Kamui. He has always admired his brother despite the cold and often harsh treatment he receives from him. Subaru sighed and looked at him as well. When their eyes met, however, Kamui could not take it. He immediately looked down, where his cold and sweating hands are. His cheeks are forming slight shades of red.

"_Why...? __Why __am __I __embarrassed __in __front __of __him...? __Why __am __I __so __nervous..? __I __should __be __angry__… __I __should __have __hated __him __because __of __what __he __did __to __me__… __Why __am __I __like __this..?_" Kamui asked himself. But instead, he's happy… He missed his brother so much even though he is still somewhat wary of Subaru. He gulped when Subaru started to walk towards his direction.

"Don't worry, I won't do anything. You don't have to be so tense." Subaru said with his overly familiar cold voice. He stopped beside Kamui and sat on the bed. They were like that for a while, silent. No one is talking because no one wants to start up the conversation. Subaru is looking on the floor with his serious and cold expression while Kamui is still looking at his trembling cold hands. Both of them are not moving. They can only hear each other's tense, but otherwise even, breathing. Kamui sensed that his brother won't start talking unless he, too, talks. He thought that his brother will never really change so he started to talk.

"Umm…"He feels really embarrassed that he looked down even lower. He was surprised when Subaru suddenly touched his chin to raise his head up. He saw that Subaru is still not looking at him but on the floor. Subaru's also cold and tensed hand remained, touching Kamui's jaw with gentleness.

"I'm the one who did something wrong, so there's no reason for you to be embarrassed." Subaru said, still not looking at him. "Just tell me if you don't want to see me. I can always leave." The last statement hurt Kamui without Subaru even realizing it. Kamui could not answer. When Subaru felt that Kamui's chin is trembling, he unthinkingly looked at him. Subaru was so shocked to see Kamui's look of sorrow while his tears are falling silently. He's crying silently. His eyes are wide and pained with so much longing.

"Why do you… have that expression..?" Subaru is still in deep shock. He wiped Kamui's tears unconsciously. The two of them are staring with each other, Kamui still crying and Subaru in shock. After a while, Subaru slowly closed the distance between them. Kamui was so surprised when Subaru kissed him again that he froze. Subaru gently pulled Kamui by his other hand and held his cheek with the other. This time, Subaru's kiss is gentle. It's not the same as the one last time, with so much force and hunger. He kissed Kamui's upper lip; then his lower lip. Kamui's eyes widened when he gaped unconsciously and let Subaru's tongue get inside his mouth. He closed his eyes, he groaned, and his body tensed from the sensation. Again, it's drowning him… Subaru stopped and looked at him with his cold, captivating eyes. Both of them are staring at each other. Kamui's face is red.

"I… O-O…onii…ch..an… I…" Kamui looked down again because of embarrassment.

"Don't worry, I'll leave again after this. And this time, you really won't see me. So just have a little patience. I'll be gone in your life before you know it." Subaru said.

"_No__… __I __don__'__t __want __that__… __I__… __I __have __to __say __it__… __I __have __to __tell __him__… __how __important __he __is __to __me!_" Kamui thought. He wants to voice it but his lips are trembling from the kiss and his tears are falling continuously. He curled up his fists. He doesn't want his brother to leave. But he can't say anything.

"O-O…nii-ch..an…" Even his voice is trembling. "_How __pathetic __can __I __get? __I __can__'__t __even __tell __him __this __simple __thing..?_" Kamui is gritting his teeth. "Onii…chan… I…"

But at that moment, Fuuma knocked on the door and gently opened it.

"Are you two alright now?" Fuuma was surprised to find Kamui crying and Subaru beside him having miserable looks. "I guess not…"

"I'll leave now." Subaru said. "I told mother yesterday about it." Kamui froze again. No one noticed his agonizing expression because he is looking down. Fuuma sighed.

"Well, I really can't do anything about it now, can I?" Fuuma said, smiling. "If you leave, I might steal your little brother from you, you know."

"You can never steal him from me, because he was never mine." Subaru said. He stood and was about to leave when he stopped.

"What's wrong?" Fuuma asked. Subaru looked at Kamui and Fuuma noticed Kamui's hand clutching Subaru's shirt. He is looking down and gritting his teeth while sobbing silently.

"I can misunderstand things sometimes, but I think I'm right this time." Fuuma told Subaru seriously. "He doesn't want you to leave."

Subaru seemed surprise to hear this. He looked at Kamui's state and sat down again. He gently touched Kamui's chin and raised his head up so they could see eye to eye. Fuuma noticed Subaru's pained expression when he saw Kamui crying so hard in silence. He hugged Kamui so tightly. Fuuma was slightly surprised because he has never seen Subaru opened his feelings like this in front of other people. He must have truly loved Kamui to hug him even in front of Fuuma. When Subaru stopped hugging him, he wiped out Kamui's tears with his hands. He held Kamui's cheeks with his wet-with-tears hand.

"Do you want me to stay?" Subaru asked directly. His expression is very pained. Kamui looked at him for a while, his tears are still falling. After a while, he nodded.

"I can't promise I won't do anything to you in the future." Subaru told him seriously, again with his cold demeanor. Kamui looked worried for a while, but still nodded.

"_This __guy, __does __he __want __to __torture __Kamui? __Saying __something __like __that__…_" Fuuma sighed inwardly. "_Well, __I __want __to __see __how __he __does __it __with __him._" He chuckled. This made both Kamui and Subaru look at him.

"Ah. Don't mind me. Just continue with what you're doing." Fuuma grinned. Subaru gave him a cold glare but did as he told.

"O-Onii-chan…" Kamui was able to say after a while. Subaru did not object to the name nor did he comment on it. Kamui looked at Subaru worriedly. "Do you… Do you still hate me?"

Both Fuuma and Subaru looked and him like he's a poor innocent child who does not understand anything. This confused and also annoyed Kamui a little. This might have been apparent in his face that's why Fuuma suddenly laughed at him.

"Subaru..? Hate you..?" Fuuma can't stop himself from laughing that he was hitting the table beside the bed. Kamui's little nerves of annoyance are starting to show up. Subaru is just watching in silence. When Kamui's annoyance exploded, Fuuma suddenly found the pillow flying in his direction. Unfortunately, he was not able to dodge it and was hit on the face. But it did not stop him from laughing. This only made him laugh harder. Kamui was about to get up but Subaru held him.

"Don't mind that idiot." Kamui reddened from Subaru's touch and immediately looked down. Subaru withdrew his hands. Fuuma saw this and grinned.

"I don't hate you." Subaru said quietly. Kamui raise his head on his own this time. He can't believe what he just heard. He started to cry again… while laughing. Subaru looked surprised, but Fuuma just rubbed Subaru's head and laughed with Kamui.

Kamui was able to get home the next day but he still has to rest. Mostly, he stayed in his room and rested. Subaru also stayed in his own room without bothering Kamui. However, the air between them is not cold and tense anymore. Tooru noticed this and was happy that the two of them are getting along now, even without talking much to each other.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Lunch time in the cafeteria of Clidoren School… A week after the incident with Satsuki's group…

"Those damn bastards! I'll really kill them if I saw them!" Sorata exclaimed.

"Calm down, idiot." Suoh said while drinking his milk chocolate drink.

"You can't do anything now. They are already suspended by one month, you know." Nokoru said while eating gracefully.

"I know that, but isn't that more dangerous? What if they ambushed us on our way home?" Sorata insisted. "Well, I can defend myself… but what about Kamui?"

"Well, about that… I have someone to go home with. So it's alright." Kamui said quietly. This made every one of them look at him with great curiosity.

"You have a girl friend?" Sorata and Nokoru asked in unison.

"Eh?" Kamui blurted out.

"Stop that. Don't meddle with his private affairs." Suoh said. "Besides, it would look really pathetic if Kamui chose to have a girl friend just so someone will defend him from those guys."

"I'm proud of you, Kamui-chan!" Akira said happily without taking notice of Suoh's comment.

"So, when is the wedding?"Sorata teased him. Kamui's nerves of annoyance are showing themselves despite his self-control. He sipped his soda with trembling ad also annoyed hands.

"Don't tease him, Sorata! But, when Kamui really marries, I want to be the godfather of his child!" Nokoru said excitedly. Some of the fan girls heard this and crowded them, asking questions about his girlfriend and their son.

"_How __did __it __come __to __this?_" Kamui thought. He saw Nokoru and Sorata conversing animatedly with the fan girls. "_It__'__s __all __those __two __people__'__s __fault!_"


	6. Chapter 6

**Ren-sama's Note:**

** Again, I thank everyone for supporting my fan fiction. It fires me up whenever I read your reviews.ˆoˆ**

**Chapter 6**

It was already afternoon. They, Kamui, Sorata, and the other students, are still in the classroom. They are the ones who were assigned to clean the room.

"Woah, I can't wait for the cleaning to end. I want to meet your girl friend soon!" Sorata said excitedly.

"Then hurry up and clean instead of standing there." Arashi, the class President, scolded. Sorata scowled at her. The two of them are known for fighting every time they talk to each other. What's worse, they are seatmates. Their schedule to clean is also the same.

It always annoys Arashi the most when Sorata scowls at her like that. She was about to retaliate verbally when another female cleaner approached them.

"Ne, everyone! Look outside the classroom! It's Subaru-senpai!" She exclaimed excitedly. Every female cleaner immediately dropped their brooms and other things, and went outside to see. Kamui is so busy cleaning the glass window that he only glanced at them before he continued what he's doing. Sorata, who was just scolded for being lazy, also peeked outside. There is so much uproar out there that Kamui is having a hard time focusing on his work. After a while, Sorata went back to the classroom with an annoyed look and told Kamui what he saw.

"Your brother is together with that Monou-senpai. They are the center of attention outside. Mattaku, what did they come here for? Their classes are on the other side of the school. They just want to gather the crowd around them so they'll look cool." Sorata said. Kamui, who was already mopping the floor, hit Sorata's head with the floor map.

"Hey, what was that for!" Sorata asked while rubbing his aching head.

"That was for being lazy, you idiot." Arashi said behind Sorata. Then she looked at Kamui and said, "By the way, thank you for doing that, Shirou." Sorata scowled at her again. Arashi was about to answer back when the crowd suddenly got excited. All of them looked in the direction of the door just when Subaru entered their classroom. All of them looked surprised except Kamui. He doesn't look like something is out of place and continued mopping the floor, oblivious of the atmosphere.

"How long are you planning to make me wait? This crowd is getting more annoying by the second." Subaru asked. His cold demeanor is more apparent than ever.

"I'll just finish with the mopping." Kamui answered without even looking at him. He's mopping the floor with just the same speed as earlier – very slow. Subaru looks so annoyed. Everyone stepped back a little because of his cold and dark aura.

"Hurry it up." Subaru called to him once more.

"Hey, can't you see Kamui is busy here? If you don't want to be in a lot of crowd, then don't come here anymore. You're disturbing our cleani–" Sorata wasn't able to finish his sentence because Kamui hit him again with the floor mop, this time harder. Subaru did not seem to mind what Sorata said. He went out of the classroom like nothing happened. At once, the cheers have skyrocketed.

"Ah, hey! That hurts!" Sorata pouted at Kamui. Kamui smiled at him a little but said nothing.

"Alright then," Arashi called everyone's attention. "Our cleaning duty's over. You can all go home now."

Sorata and Kamui left the room together. Subaru is not there anymore but the crowd is still in an uproar.

"So, where's that guy? I thought he has something he needs with you." Sorata said. When the people saw them, they all tried to interview Kamui about what Subaru is doing in that place where his hated little brother is. Much to everyone and Sorata's surprise, Kamui answered them when he usually ignores them.

"My brother, huh…" And that's all. Kamui walked away just like that. Everyone's bright smiles and big expectations and hope really turned into dust.

When they got down the stairs, they saw Nokoru, Suoh, and Akira waiting for them. Since the latter three are already in their second year, the five of them only meet regularly when it's lunch or when they go home together.

"What's with the big crowd?" Akira asked.

"Well, Kamui's good-for-nothing older brother went to our classroom like he owns the place and even commanded Kamui! That bastard..!" Sorata blurted out. But then he saw the tensed expression of Nokoru and Akira. Nokoru even cleared his throat like he was trying to send a message across. Kamui and Suoh are silently looking behind him.

"Nice one, kid." It was Fuuma. And behind him is Subaru. He is glaring at Sorata like he always does with those whom he truly hated. Sorata gulped but still managed to glare back.

"Let's go, Kamui." Subaru said and walked ahead. Fuuma laughed and walked together with Subaru. All of them gaped at once. Even Kamui looks so surprised. His brother actually called him by his name. That was not the first time, but it still is in front of other people. Subaru started calling him by his name during the time when he was released from the hospital; about five days ago. The first time Subaru called him, he literally froze. When he noticed his own reaction, he blushed violently. Subaru seemed amused at this and he's started calling Kamui by his name ever since then.

"Don't tell me he's the one you're talking about." Nokoru asked.

"You mean, that 'someone to go home with'?" Sorata exclaimed. "Your brother?"

"Ah, yeah." Kamui answered, trying to hide his happiness, that it made Nokoru chuckle. He reddened a little because of this.

"You have to tell us everything, you know." Akira smiled.

"Oy, how long are you going to make me wait?" Subaru called him again. He really looks so annoyed.

"Ah, goodbye then." Kamui said and ran to where Fuuma and Subaru are.

"I can't believe there will come a day when we'll see those two together." Nokoru sighed with happiness. Suoh and Akira can't help but smile as well. Sorata looks annoyed but they all knew that he's happy for Kamui.

"…like brothers, right?" Akira said.

"You're naive." Suoh told Akira. "Those eyes are different… I noticed them just now because I had a proper look at him… Subaru-senpai, that is."

"You think so, too?" Nokoru asked Suoh seriously. "I wonder how things will turn out. I just hope Kamui won't get hurt…"

"Hey, I'm still here, you know. You can at least share with me your greatest revelation." Sorata looks lost and a little annoyed. Akira also looks clueless as to what they are talking about.

Nokoru smiled at them, "No, that's nothing. My revelation is not suitable for very young audiences. Parental guidance is recommended." Suoh chuckled with him. Sorata looks more pissed off.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Well, goodbye then, Subaru, Kamui-chan." Fuuma is smiling. He was about to leave but he immediately turned back and whispered to Subaru so that Kamui won't be able to hear it. "Subaru, don't eat him, okay? Just because mother is not home doesn't mean you can do what you want." After this, he immediately ran away. Subaru looks more annoyed than ever. When he noticed that Kamui is waiting for him to say anything, he said, "Let's go home."

Tooru is not home when they arrived. Subaru immediately went to his room and locked himself inside. Kamui was wondering if he did something wrong. But he dismissed the thought because he has to do a lot of work in the kitchen. He has started to prepare for dinner and was about to cook when Subaru went to the kitchen to get some water from the refrigerator.

"Oy," Subaru called. Kamui turned his way. "Why is your shirt so damn dirty?"

"Eh?" Kamui looked at himself and saw how dirty his shirt has become. "Maybe because I didn't put on the apron while cleaning the dishes earlier…"

"And even now you're not wearing it." Subaru said, still as cold as ever.

"Eh? T-That's because… it's embarrassing to wear that apron. It's full of flowers and other stuff." Kamui answered casually. He was surprised when Subaru gave him 'that' apron.

"Eh, you want me to w-wear 'that thing', Onii-chan?" Kamui looks horror-struck. But Subaru just gave him the apron and sat on the table without answering. He drank the water he got from the ref. Kamui reached for it half-heatedly and put it on. He sighed and continued to do what he was doing, peeling and slicing the vegetables to be cooked. After a while, his gaze turned to his brother and saw that Subaru is staring at him. He became self-conscious again. It happens a lot these past few days. He always becomes so self-conscious when his brother looks at him that way.

"W-What is it, Onii-chan?" Kamui asked, trying to calm himself down and preventing himself from blushing.

"I didn't know my brother looks so good in an apron." Subaru said coldly. But this comment, even though said with Subaru's cold voice, still made Kamui's eyes widen. All his efforts earlier were in vain when he blushed violently.

"O-Oni-chan! Don't tease me!" He exclaimed. His face is very red. Subaru stifled a laugh because of this, which made Kamui froze. His brother actually laughed… his brother? He always thought it would be next to impossible. But he actually laughed, even if it's a stifled one.

"_I __just __discovered __how __cool __he __looks __when __he__'__s __laughing. __Well, __even __if __he__'__s __not __laughing, __he__'__s __always __cool__…"_ Kamui thought. When Subaru noticed Kamui's strange expression, he immediately creased his eyebrows.

"What is it?" Subaru asked, not even realizing he's the cause of everything.

"Ah…" Kamui does not how to answer.

"Tadaima!" Both of them heard their mother's voice from the living room. She just arrived.

"Okairi!" Subaru answered seriously.

"You're always serious, Subaru." Tooru greeted him. "You have to do something about that furrowed eyebrows of yours or you'll end up looking older than I am." Subaru rolled his eyes; it made her laugh.

"Mother, Onii-chan is teasing me about the apron." Kamui said with annoyance and glared at his brother. Subaru pretended he did not hear the accusation and continued looking cool while still playing with the glass he used to drink into.

Tooru looked at Kamui's red face and then the apron. She sighed. "If I know, you Subaru just want your brother to wear that in order to see his sexy body and also to know how cute he is in an apron." Both Subaru and Kamui lost their poker faces. Kamui looked so red and Subaru turned around and left the kitchen without a single word. She wasn't able to see his face but she saw how red his ears are. Their mother laughed at them. That was the first time she was able to break their stony expressions so she was very happy. She then saw Kamui preparing the stove and the casserole.

"Does it feel good to have an older brother?" Tooru asked him. Kamui turned around and smiled happily but said nothing.

"I see." She said and smiled at him in return.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"_I __always __wonder __why __my __brother __did __that__… __If __he __does __not __hate __me, __then __why..? __I __really __don__'__t __understand __him __in __the __least__…"_ Kamui always have these thoughts before he goes to sleep. He still can't understand why his brother did "those things" to him. If Subaru hates him, then all would make sense. But if he doesn't, like he said, then the reason becomes blurred. He can't ask. His brother doesn't seem like he'll answer. And talking about that would be very awkward.

In the end, he always ends up sleeping without being able to answer any of these questions.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ren-sama's Note:**

** Once again, sorry for the delay of update. As a compromise, I'll be uploading this chapter and the next one at the same time. Really, gomen.**

**Chapter 7**

"I'm going on a business trip. I'll be gone for about a week. Can you two handle yourselves alone?" Tooru asked them. They are eating the breakfast Subaru cooked. It was burnt. The thing that looks like a curry was also burnt. Even the thing that looks like rice was… well, burnt.

"Yes, mother." Both of them answered.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow. I'll give you more instructions later. Okay, you'll be late on your classes now." She smiled at them and saw them off. She always thinks about her sons. What would happen to them and to their sibling relationship..? She wants to ask Subaru about his feelings. Did it change over the past two months? But she's afraid that she'll only hurt him more, especially if she can see that it was not the case. She wants to help the two of them. But she can only be an observer. All she can do now is to wait, even if it's quite painful.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"So, what happened?" Sorata asked Kamui. It is lunchtime and they are currently in the cafeteria.

"Yeah, I want to know that, too. What's with the change in attitude and treatment between each other?" Suoh seems determined to get the answer he wants.

"Both of you, can you please let Kamui eat first before showering him down with questions?" Akira scolded. Both Suoh and Sorata pouted their lips for being interrupted.

"Why don't you ask Kamui first if he wants to talk about it?" Nokoru suggested. With this, they all looked at Kamui.

"Well…" Kamui trailed-off. "It's not as if I want to hide the details but… I myself am not so sure what happened either… He said he doesn't hate me… But I still don't know his real feelings… I…" When Kamui looks like he's struggling to say more, Sorata was the one who interrupted him.

"You can just say it if you're ready. We'll just have to wait until then." He smiled at Kamui. Kamui appreciated him.

"Thank you…" He said quietly.

"Really, I'm still shocked up until now! When I saw both of you come to school together earlier, I thought my eyes were playing dirty tricks on me! I still can't believe what I am seeing!" Sorata blurted out.

"And he just said a moment ago that he'll wait for Kamui to open up on his own." Suoh muttered but they were still able to hear it. They all laughed. Even Kamui chuckled a little.

"It's not as if I'm forcing Kamui to talk by sharing my comments!" Sorata defended himself.

"Well, that's true. Even I found myself gaping earlier this morning. I can't believe that there will come a time that the two of you will act like that!" Akira said strongly. They couldn't help but grin at the comment. Kamui, getting slightly red, looked somewhere else to escape their gaze.

"Everyone must have been shocked; especially those fan girls of yours and your brother's." Nokoru added.

"Well, his brother's face didn't change though…" Suoh commented casually. All of them laughed again. "His expression still looks as cold as ever."

"Well, he's Subaru-senpai after all." Sorata said before letting out a laugh.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Hmmm… I wonder what happened…" Yuuto is trying to tease Subaru. They are on the school rooftop, also eating lunch. Subaru is eating silently while all of them – Yuuto, Fuuma, Saiki, Nataku, and Shiyuu – are chatting. Nataku is more of a listener than a chatter. They are sitting in a circle position.

"Well, what do you think happened, Fuuma? Everyone is wondering as well, you know." Shiyuu added.

"Well, I think I probably know what happened… But, I don't think I can tell you, guys. Subaru might kill me. You should just ask him personally." Fuuma smiled at them.

Yuuto pouted at him. "How boring."

Fuuma just laughed at him.

"But isn't that good, Subaru and that… that little brat are getting along?" Saiki commented while eating.

"Don't tell me you still hate him even until now." Nataku said coolly.

"Well, it's not that I hate him. I just hate his guts. Even if Subaru is his older brother, ignoring a senpai on purpose is just asking to be bullied even more." Saiki answered.

"Don't bully Kamui-chan. You're just like that because you don't know how cute he is… right, Subaru?" Fuuma is starting to tease Subaru about Kamui again. Subaru didn't answer. He didn't even react. Fuuma just got hit by him earlier when he almost slipped up about Subaru's feelings. Within their friends, only Fuuma and Nataku know about it; though Shiyuu does seem to know that something feels different about the way Subaru treats his brother.

"You like him, don't you?" Saiki questioned Fuuma. "What's so special about that brat anyway?"

"Well, of course I do. I told you Kamui-chan is really cute… especially whe–" Fuuma wasn't able to finish his sentence when Subaru talked for the first time.

"Fuuma doesn't like him." Everyone turned their heads on his direction. "He can't like him because–."

"Because you'll kill me if I do?" Fuuma interrupted him this time. He is smiling, but his eyes are serious. Shiyuu creased his eyebrows and looked at both of them but said nothing.

"I didn't mean anything like that. It's because you are both guys. You're just having fun teasing Kamui." He said coldly. Everyone looked surprised. It was the first time he called his little brother's name in front of them. They heard it from Fuuma but it's their first hand experience so it still feels different. It's kind of shocking.

"You're a guy, too, though…" Fuuma muttered under his breath and grin when Subaru's eyes widened. They are sitting beside each other so Subaru was the only one who heard. "Hey, I was just joking." He added as a whisper when he noticed that Subaru is really pissed.

"I thought you hate your brother…" Saiki said. He looks somewhat offended or angry. Fuuma and Nataku were about to answer that when the bell rang. They all stood up and readied to go back to their classrooms.

"You're pissing me off." Subaru muttered when Fuuma got near him. Fuuma just laughed at this.

"I'm such an idiot…" He muttered afterwards.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

That afternoon, they got back home separately because Subaru has Tennis Club practice. He asked Kamui to go home first. Kamui went home together with his friends.

"My house is this way, so… see you tomorrow." Nokoru said. Suoh went home with him. Suoh is Nokoru's personal butler, if one can call him that. He does not do those works that a butler usually does because Suoh has a family butler, but he always stays with him and even lives with him. Akira's house is far so he has to ride on a bus to go home. Akira also said his goodbye when they got into a bus stop. Together, Sorata and Kamui are chatting. Of course, it is a one-sided conversation – with Sorata talking endlessly and Kamui just listening… or not.

"Hey, are you listening?" Sorata asked after a while of non-stop talking.

"No, I don't think so." Kamui answered immediately.

"You're one rude kid. Don't' you know that?" Sorata pouted. Kamui looked at him and Sorata smiled. "I know it's such a waste not to go home with your brother but…"

"I'm not thinking about him." Kamui answered coldly.

"Woah… you really look like him when you're like that." Sorata chuckled. "So, if it's not your beloved brother, then who is it that your thinking about right now?"

"I'm not thinking of anyone." Kamui answered yet coldly again. Sorata sighed.

"Alright. I won't ask about him… Why are you in such a bad mood anyway?" He asked.

"Nothing." Kamui answered curtly.

"Oh, I know. It's because of that senpai in the Tennis Club earlier, huh…" Sorata pretended to guess when he already knew that it's mostly likely the reason.

"His name is Saiki. He's my brother's friend." Kamui mumbled. They went to his brother's club earlier and that guy mocked him in front of everyone. Kamui knows that that guy have always hated him but earlier was the worst. He said all sorts of things that are sensitive to him. Saiki even said that his brother is just probably bored so he decided to make truce with Kamui. This really hurt him badly, though he did not show it.

"So, its' about that, huh…" Sorata sighed. "I know I need to tell you not to mind that guy, but… I don't think you will really do that. Besides, you also don't know yet what your brother was thinking when he decided to act like an older brother to you. And…"

"Stop it." Kamui pleaded quietly. Both of them knew how his brother remained quiet despite the fact that Kamui was bullied in front him. Fuuma was the only one who helped him. After that, Subaru just asked him not to wait for him anymore because Subaru still has to practice.

"Alright then… Sorry." Sorata muttered. They walked silently from then on.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

He found his mother in the kitchen when he arrived home.

"Where's Subaru?" She asked.

"He has a practice." He answered shortly, not bothering to look at her. She was about to ask more but Kamui changed the topic.

"I thought you're going on a business trip today?" He asked. He went in the kitchen to drink cold water – to cool his head down.

"Well, I just got told that the trip was postponed. It'll be tomorrow night." Tooru smiled at him. He also smiled. His expression lightened with just his mother's smile. He really loves her so much.

"I'm going to my room now." He said before he went upstairs.

They ate dinner silently afterwards. Subaru still hasn't come back from practice. Later, he called and said that he'll be staying in Fuuma's house for the night.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui went to school alone next morning. His brother still hasn't come back. His mood was so bad the whole day that he even snapped at Kasumi-sensei when she insisted that he answer a question he can't even understand.

"What's wrong with you? It's like you're back to your old self; only worse." Sorata questioned him.

"Stop it with the questioning, will you?" Kamui snapped again. Sorata sighed. The two of them went home without Nokoru and the others because of the Disciplinary Committee's meeting which will not end until late evening. Kamui did not bother to go to the Tennis Club anymore. But even without waiting for anyone, it was still already dark when they left the school.

Kamui was still alone inside his little dark world of void when Sorata suddenly grabbed him on the hands and started to run. Kamui went back to the present. They are currently on a park where people don't usually loiter at night because of robbers.

"What's wrong? Why are we here?" Kamui asked. He can only see darkness and bits of shadows from the benches.

"Shhh. We're being followed." Sorata whispered. Kamui blinked. He turned and tried to look in the opposite direction. Truly, some figures are silently following them. When they enter that very dark park, the followers seemed to have lost their cool and dashed forward.

"Who are they?" Kamui asked silently when they have hidden themselves in one of bushes.

"I don't know. I think I can handle them if there are only few. But there are at least ten of them. I can't fight them all." Sorata muttered under his breath. But Kamui still heard.

"What should we do now, then? I still have to go home early." Kamui asked again.

"We'll run for it if we found a chance." Sorata still has something to say but the figures are already near so he stopped unless he wants to be heard.

"Where did they go?" One of them asked.

"They were just here a minute ago." Kamui knew that voice. "Those bastards sure know how to hide themselves." A guy said. Kamui knew him. Not just him but also his fists. After all, he's the reason why Kamui was hospitalized. Although thanks to that, he got closer to his brother. Satsuki spat on the grass; just beside where Kamui and Sorata are hiding. Both of them heaved a big sigh of relief when the pursuers got away. They immediately ran right after that, afraid that the pursuers are still lurking in the park.

"I knew those bastards are going to retaliate for what happened to them!" Sorata said angrily. "Why didn't the school suspend those idiots anyway?" He then looked at Kamui. "Are you okay?" He asked. Kamui nodded and smiled at him.

"Thank you." Kamui said afterwards, when they are about to go their separate ways.

"Nah, don't mention it." Sorata chuckled. "I'm just glad we're both okay." Kamui smiled at him again.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

He hurried in his step while passing the familiar way. Kamui was thankful that his mother is still there when he got home.

"Where did you go? It's already late." Tooru asked. She's readying to leave.

"…just hanged-out with my friends a little." Kamui lied. Tooru looked like she saw through it but did not ask more.

"I'm leaving now, okay?" She said.

"Ah, sure…Be careful there." Kamui smiled. At that moment, Subaru arrived.

"You're leaving now?" Subaru asked seriously.

"Yes. Don't fight now, you two. Be good boys while I'm gone, okay? You're allowance and food budget are on the drawer upstairs." She said. She kissed them on the forehead and said her goodbye. After she left, Subaru immediately went upstairs and locked himself inside his room. Kamui went to the kitchen without bothering his brother. He felt like everything went back to "normal." Now he feels that everything that happened last week was only a dream. He then slowly, but gradually, started to feel sick.

"_This__… __isn__'__t __good__… __I __can__'__t __breathe__…_" Kamui held on to a chair, clutching his chest. "_Mother__… __help __me__… __O-Onii-chan__…_" His chest is hurting and he's starting to lose balance because of the pain. Everything is getting dark. Everything… Even the light he thought he had when his brother was with him… Everything is vanishing… Until it all became a world full of void.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Everything he has is slowly vanishing from Kamui's sight. His father left… His mother left… His brother… He doesn't want them to leave him alone. He doesn't want to be left alone. He wants them to bring him along… no matter where they are going… He doesn't want to be alone… He's afraid to be alone…

"_Don__'__t__… __leave __me__…_" But then he felt warmth on his left hand. Somehow, it slowly ceased the fear and the coldness he's feeling. He looked at his hand but saw nothing. The warmth, however, did not disappear. It remained warm for a while, but then it was gone. The fear and the coldness started to come back… creeping from inside him, drowning him…

Kamui woke up with a start. He's sweating cold and he still feels weak. However, he's not in the kitchen anymore. It's warm. He's on the bed, inside his dark room. The only light he can see is coming from the window, from the moon. His left hand unconsciously searched for that warmth… and found it. He was surprised when he touched something warm in his dark room. He looked at it and saw Subaru's hands. The light of the moon, the only light in the room, is shining dimly. He immediately withdrew his hands, feeling embarrassed. He then looked at Subaru fully. He's sleeping. He's sitting on a chair but his head is rested on the bed. He's sleeping peacefully.

"_Why __is __he __here..?_" Kamui asked himself. "Onii-chan…" He immediately covered his mouth when the sound involuntarily came out. But it's late. Subaru shifted in his position. After a while, his eyes slowly opened. His gaze immediately turned to Kamui. He was surprised to see Kamui looking back at him but he immediately recovered. He stood up and turned around, facing the door.

"I'll cook something for you." Subaru said without looking at him. And then he left. Kamui sighed.

"I wonder what happened…" Kamui muttered. Then he remembered what Saiki said, about Subaru just being bored. "_So __now __he__'__s __not __bored __anymore..? __So __we__'__re __back __to __normal __now..?_"

"But I want to be with him more…" He mumbled. He lay down again and closed his eyes. He then mumbled quietly. "I want to be important to him… even if for just a second…" His heart has ceased from throbbing painfully but he can still feel a distant pain caused by it. The pain is different from earlier. It is different from simple loneliness that he always feels. It's as if his world is getting shattered into pieces…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

After a while, Subaru came back with a tray full of light meals – soup, orange, and water. It seems as if he tried his best not to burn the soup. Kamui was about to thank him but Subaru immediately put down the tray on the table beside the bed and turned around, facing the door.

"If you want anything, call me." Subaru said without looking at him before he left. He closed the door gently. Kamui sighed. His brother didn't even look at him that whole time. But at least, he's not the Subaru filled with hostility anymore.

"_If __I __want __anything, __huh__…_" Kamui repeated to himself. "_What __if __what __I __want __is__…_" He ate silently. Afterwards, he decided it's time to sleep.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui woke up with a slight headache. He really hates it when he suddenly can't breathe and passes out on the spot. This sickness of his is usually caused by stress, anxiety, depression, or deep anger. And when he wakes up, it creates a kind of headache; somewhat like a hang-over from drinking too much alcohol. He got up and found out it's already late – it's lunchtime. He can't go to school anymore. He went to the kitchen and found a ready breakfast. It was probably Subaru's cooking because it was burnt. Based from the coldness, it was probably cooked really early; probably before he left to practice for the tennis competition that will be held in just a week.

Kamui re-heated the foods and ate them for his lunch. Subaru has never really cooked anything before he was hospitalized so really appreciates it that his brother is bothering to cook for him, even if the foods always end up getting burnt. He then readied himself to go to school, but in the end he decided not to. He went back to his room and rested some more.

His phone rang after some time. He got up and found out it's already 6 in the evening. He overslept. The number is not registered in his mobile phone so he did not know who it is until he heard the voice.

"Oy," the voice on the other line said quietly. Kamui blinked.

"O-Onii-chan..?" Kamui asked. Even if he was sure it was his brother's voice, he might still be mistaken.

"I won't go home tonight." Subaru said and hang up the phone. Kamui was about to ask more but then he heard the buzzing sound of the line.

"So, that's all?" Kamui feels really annoyed. That was the first time his brother called him on the phone and that's all? But still, his brother called him. He never does that. Well, never did. And where in the world did he found out his number? His brother really does have some connections, doesn't he? Kamui had these thoughts for a while. But then he dismissed it when he prepared for his dinner. For his dinner alone… He's alone…

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

The next morning, the teacher announced that there will be a field trip for all Class A students. It means that all students, regardless of year level, will be going with them. Even if it was called a field trip, it is actually a sort of getting together between the students of Class 1-A, 2-A, and 3-A. It's a kind of bonding experience only available to those who are in that class. This trip happens once a year.

"Your brother is in Class A so he'll go as well, right?" Sorata asked while having lunch. "This'll be your first and last field trip with him after all since you're a first year and he's already in third year." They are now in the cafeteria and everyone is excited about their field trip.

"I don't think so." Kamui said casually. He's also eating. All of them looked at him with questioning eyes. When Kamui noticed this, he briefly explained. "He has a competition. It's also scheduled next week."

"Now that's what I call a good, no… the BEST news!" Sorata exclaimed. "It means every last one of those tennis freaks won't come as well!" As everyone expected, he got a hard hit on the head. It was Nokoru who did it.

"Can you please be more considerate of other people's feelings? Just once in a while, okay?" Nokoru said. He still doesn't know how Sorata managed to survive until now when he always gets blows and hits from almost every time he talks. And note that he's very talkative.

"So you won't be able to go together, huh." Suoh muttered. Kamui smiled at him.

"It's fine. It doesn't matter anyway." Everyone looked at him again.

"Are you two fighting again?" Akira asked worriedly. Kamui smiled at him but didn't answer.

"That bastard…" Sorata said, annoyed. "He really just wants to play with your feelings doesn–" He was not able to say the whole sentence. For once, it was not because he was hit on the head. He immediately stopped when he saw Kamui's expression. His face is straight. It doesn't show anything. But his eyes are different. He looks like he'll cry any second now. Sorata apologized and Kamui smiled at him in a very painful manner. But still, Sorata got hit by Nokoru because of this.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

It has been three days and Subaru still hasn't come back. Kamui wants to call the number Subaru used but he's afraid it's not his brother's number. The trip will be in three more days, and most probably, the competition as well. He doesn't want to go to the trip anymore. Well, it's not like he wants to in the first place.

As usual, Kamui cooked dinner… for himself. He's alone in the house. However, instead of getting used to his solitary surrounding, he's getting more and more afraid of it. He was having these thoughts again when the phone in the living room rang. It is his mother.

"So, how are things there?" She asked.

"Well… fine." Kamui answered briefly, avoiding the topic. He knows she's asking about the two of them again.

"…I see… fighting again, huh…" Tooru said it so directly that it made Kamui tensed up. He heard Tooru sigh on the other line.

"I'm sorry, mother…" Kamui let out. He wants to cry on her shoulders, but she's not near.

"Don't worry, things will turn out fine. Just have some patience… Smile now, okay?" Having heard his mother's kind words, Kamui really wants to cry now – even if he's alone…

"Okay." Kamui smiled. His tears are falling silently on his reddening cheeks. "I miss you, mother…"

"I miss you too, son. And your brother as well… I called him earlier. He said he has a competition to attend to tomorrow. Be sure to cheer for him, okay?" Tooru said. Kamui was surprised to hear this.

"Isn't the competition three days from now?" Kamui asked. He's confused.

"What three days..? It's tomorrow! Cheer for him, okay?" Tooru repeated. "Too bad I can't go there as well. Just take some pictures for me!" She asked Kamui excitedly.

"Sure." Kamui smiled at his mother's cheerful attitude. He remembered she has always watched Subaru's games no matter where it is. She's very supportive of him. But she can't go anymore because of her work. Their father died when Kamui was first year in middle school. Since then, his mother has to work hard to meet their daily expenses. It's not that they don't have anything. His father was the Vice-President of R.E.N. Company. It's a company owned by the Shirou family – meaning Tooru's husband and his elder brother, the President. But she doesn't want to just rely on that money. She wants to earn her own to at least have something to be proud of. Subaru is the one supposed to take their father's position but he's too young to do it. So the position is currently vacant, though Tooru is the Vice-President in the shadow. In short, she has to work for the R.E.N. Company while also working at another company as an employee. It's not that the President is indifferent about it. He just wants to respect Tooru's decision of working on her own.

Tooru was about to hang up the phone but Kamui asked something again.

"Did… did Onii-chan say anything..? Will he go home tonight..?" Kamui asked, hiding the tremble in his voice.

Tooru smiled weakly when she felt it. "He didn't say anything. Should I call him again?" She asked.

"Ah, no… It's alright. Thank you. Goodbye then, Mother…" Kamui answered immediately.

"Alright, goodbye. I'll hang up now, okay?" Tooru said and hanged up the phone. They both sighed.

Kamui was having his dinner when his brother came back.

"I'm sorry. I thought you won't go back today. I only cooked for one person…" Kamui apologized when his brother went to the kitchen to get some cold drinks.

"It's alright. I've eaten." Subaru answered without looking at him.

"Onii-chan…" Kamui called silently.

"What is it?" Subaru is not looking, but Kamui can feel his coldness. Kamui was not sure what to ask. He wants to ask so many things and he doesn't know where to start.

"_Why __didn__'__t __you __tell __me __about __the __upcoming __competition..? __Are __you __going __to __the __field __trip..? __Is __what __Saiki-senpai __said __the __truth..? __Why __didn__'__t __you __defend __yourself __from __that __accusation? __Are __you __really __just __bored..? __Do __you __hate __me..? __Did __I __do __something __wrong __to __make __you __act __cold __again..?_" Kamui's thoughts are in disarray. He doesn't know what to say. He's afraid his brother will say what he doesn't want to hear. When Kamui didn't answer, Subaru glanced at him with his usual cold eyes.

"I'll be going in my room now." Subaru said and he went out of the kitchen, up to the stairs, and into his room. He locked himself again. Kamui gritted his teeth for being a coward. After tidying things up in the kitchen, he also went to his room.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui is lying down on his bed. It has been several hours since he entered his room and lay down the bed but he still can't sleep. He is wide awake. He jolted when someone suddenly knocked. It was so silent that he wasn't sure if it was even done by a human. He looked at the door first. When the knock was repeated, he answered.

"Come in." He answered casually. There was silence first; then it opened. It was Subaru.

"Can I really come in?" He said in his usual far from warm voice.

"Of course…" Kamui answered, wondering why his brother suddenly decided to go to his room. Even after he was hospitalized, his brother never entered his room – not those times that he was aware, at least. Actually, he feels that Subaru seems to be avoiding them – both Kamui's room and all the topics about the two of them. Kamui got up and sat on the bed. Subaru entered his room. His face is dark.

"Is there something wrong, Onii-chan?" Kamui looked up to his brother and met eyes different from Subaru's usual cold glares. Subaru's eyes right now reflect his also disarrayed thoughts. He sat down the bed beside Kamui.

"Can I sleep here?" Subaru asked suddenly. Kamui's eyes widened with surprise. When Subaru noticed this, he added, "So that we will be able to talk. If you don't like that idea, I can just go back to my room afterwards."

"N-No, it's alright…" Kamui said, unsure if the idea is okay. But then his realization came. "Talk..?" He asked.

"You want to ask me some things, right? I want to ask things as well." Subaru answered. Still, he's looking down. His face is dark. Kamui sat closer so he can see his brother's face and his expression more clearly. Subaru noticed this and looked at Kamui directly. They are very close to each other that Kamui felt very embarrassed at having to meet his brother's gaze very closely.

"What is it?" Subaru asked seriously. Kamui reddened and looked down, diverting his gaze from Subaru's.

"Well…" He really does not know what to say. Well, he might just as well say it all now and regret it later than not saying anything at all.

"Well… You're not looking at me…" He voiced out then trailed off. However, just hearing these words is enough of a shock for Subaru. He was about to argue when Kamui talked again.

"Saiki-senpai said you're just bored so you acted like my brother… You didn't say anything when he said that… You said you don't hate me anymore but you always do these things that say you still does… You… You always hurt me…" Kamui's tears started flowing one by one. "These tears are really irritating…" He added when he noticed his falling tears. He's thankful that he's looking down.

"Onii-chan… Tell me… What am I to you..?" Kamui was about to wipe his tears when Subaru grabbed his hands. This made Kamui looked up and saw Subaru's eyes filled with intense passion and desire. He wasn't able to take it. He immediately took his gaze away.

"You want to know my true feelings? Don't regret it later." Subaru said this with such force that made Kamui's eyes widen. He once again looked at Subaru, who is now looking at him directly. Subaru slowly pulled Kamui's hands closer and started kissing Kamui's fingers gently. Kamui gasped and reddened at the touch of Subaru's lips on his skin. Subaru then licked them.

"O-Onii…chann… st..opp…it…." Kamui is trying to get his hands back but Subaru is holding it tightly. Kamui froze when Subaru suddenly pushed him down the bed. He pinned Kamui's hands on the sheet, on top of his head. Subaru is now kneeling on top of him.

"Onii-chan… Stop it…" Kamui asked, trying to stop Subaru from taking off Kamui's shirt. He gasped when Subaru laid himself fully on top of him.

"On…uhnnn….." Kamui is gritting his teeth while trying to push his brother. "You're… heavy..!" His efforts are in vain because his brother is obviously more powerful than him. Subaru then looked at him with his pleading eyes. Kamui stopped pushing him. He stopped moving completely. His brother has never shown that kind of expression to him before. Subaru hugged him so tightly that he coughed.

"Don't…" Subaru whispered to Kamui's right ear, pleading. "Don't push me away… Kamui…" Kamui doesn't know what to say. The voice is making his heart ache so badly. Subaru then started to lick Kamui's ear down to his neck. Kamui groaned at the forbidden pleasure he's feeling right now. Subaru nipped Kamui's throat and went up to his mouth.

"Onii-ch….nnn…." Subaru then stopped Kamui from calling him that by kissing him fervently. Kamui can feel Subaru's tongue inside him. It's making him so light-headed. Kamui's words became blurred and thus became groans of unfathomable, forbidden pleasure.

"_What__'__s __happening __to __me..? __Why __do __I __like __it..? __Why __are __you __doing __this __to __me, __Onii-chan..?_" Kamui has these thoughts while Subaru was sucking his nipples.

"Ahh….uhnn…. mmn….."Kamui's muffled cries of pains and pleasures are echoing throughout the room. Subaru took off his own shirt and continued kissing Kamui – on his mouth, ears, neck, and chest. Kamui's mind is starting to turn blank. The pleasure is quickly drowning him…

"O..Onii-ch…an…" Subaru stopped and looked at him. Both of them are sweating and breathing raggedly. Kamui's lips are trembling. He is covering his eyes with his hands. He's so embarrassed that he doesn't know how to face Subaru. Tears are starting to form beneath his eyes. Subaru looked at him with a very pained expression.

"Are you going to push me away again..? Like what you always do..?" Subaru asked. Kamui does not know what he is talking about. Subaru hugged Kamui tightly again. But this time, he parted Kamui's legs with his own.

"W-Why are you… doing this..?" Kamui's cheeks are pinkish red in color. He's still breathing raggedly. He's held his brother's arms. He was supposed to be resisting and pushing him but he has no strength left so it looks like his holding Subaru's arms instead. His strength was nowhere to be found. It seems they all left him the moment he felt Subaru's touch.

Subaru smirked. "Well, how nice is that? My innocent little brother… doesn't know a thing…" He started to rub their body. They can both feel it – Subaru's now hard shaft with Kamui's groin. Kamui's face has gone very red. He let out a soft cry of intense pleasure that really amuses Subaru every time.

"_I __don__'__t __like __this__…_" Kamui is barely able to think. "_I__'__m __losing __everything __to __this __man__… __I__'__m__…_"

"Let me hear more of your voice… Kamui…" Subaru said passionately. He imprisoned Kamui in his embrace and gently kissed him. He stopped moving, maintaining only the embrace.

"I love you… Kamui…" Subaru said silently. Kamui's eyes widened. His mind suddenly became sharp as a blade. Subaru kissed Kamui's cheeks, which are now the path of his hot, gushing tears.

"Did you hear me..?" Subaru asked, still silently. Kamui remained frozen for a while. That his brother actually loves him can be called a miracle.

"I heard it… But what do you mean by that..?" Kamui mumbled, a bit blurry because of his silent sobs.

"It means I Love You… It doesn't mean anything else." Subaru kissed Kamui's forehead and wiped his tears. "Sorry for frightening you again… I wasn't able to control myself just now. Don't worry, I won't do anything more tonight… Well, not more than kisses, at least."

"Onii-ch…an…" Kamui muttered in his soft voice reserved only for his brother. Subaru's expression lightened when he heard it. Kamui is not angry…

"About Saiki, we had a fight. I wasn't able to do anything… Sorry…" When Subaru murmured his apology, Kamui cried for real. Subaru waited for him to stop, until he can only hear Kamui's muffled sobs.

"I'm sorry… I tried to hide it… I even went away just so I can forget… But I really can't stop my feelings… And you even had to feel lonely and cry because of me… I'm the worst older brother… I'm really sorry…" Subaru apologized again. Kamui shook his head – implying his brother is not a bad brother at all; trying to say that those things are nothing.

"Onii-chan… Did you…" Kamui finally said. Subaru waited. "Did you sleep in Fuuma-senpai's house because you don't want to see me..?"

Subaru looks surprised. "Did I cause you pain again..? I didn't realize that… I went to Fuuma's house because I don't want to lose control of myself and do something terrible to you… like what I just did right now… I'm sorry for leaving you alone…"

Kamui's eyes widened because of surprise. He's not alone after all… Subaru cares for him… He started to cry again. Subaru wiped Kamui's tears. He was greatly surprised when Kamui suddenly hugged him tight.

"O-Onii-chan… I don't hate you… So don't avoid me…" Kamui said. His face is buried on Subaru's chest. He's very red. This surprised Subaru even more. He hugged Kamui as well. He couldn't help but pull Kamui's face towards his and taste his lips once again. Kamui did not resist this time. He just let Subaru kiss him all he wants. After a while, Subaru ceased from kissing him and talked again.

"Thank you for not hating me despite everything I've done to you…" Subaru said. Kamui looked up at him and smiled timidly. Subaru's eyes widened. Then it lightened and formed a what can be discern as a gentle smile.

"By the way, I have a competition tomorrow. I didn't tell you. I don't think you'll be interested in it… but if you have some spare time, can you come..? I practiced hard so I won't disappoint you if you watched." Subaru asked seriously.

"Can I really watch you? Well, students are required to watch… But…" Kamui asked, unsure.

"Of course you can. I play only for the people I love… so I want them to watch…" Subaru said quietly.

Kamui looks happy. This made Subaru tighten his embrace. Kamui groaned because it's too tight.

"Sorry." Subaru loosen the hug a bit.

"Onii-chan… Can I ask something..?" Kamui's expression was suddenly full of curiosity.

"What is it?" Subaru asked, curious as well.

"If… If you, I mean, if… If you don't hate me, then why didn't want me to call you brother..?" Kamui finally asked one of his biggest questions.

Subaru was silent for a while. "Don't use past tense. I still don't accept you calling me as brother. You know that I like you, right..? Well…" He trailed-off; thinking how to explain properly. "Well… I always dream of you… I always dream of taking you, and you liking me as a guy and not as a brother… If I let you call me brother, then I wouldn't have any right to think of you–" Subaru stopped when he saw Kamui's completely shocked expression. "What..?"

"W-What… did you say… Onii-chan..?" Kamui's eyes are very wide. He's slightly gaping.

"Don't tell me… You misinterpreted what I meant when I said I love you..?" Subaru looked as shocked as Kamui now. When Kamui didn't answer, Subaru continued. "Are you an idiot? Who in their right mind would almost rape their little brother if they didn't feel anything? Me doing those things to you means that I…" Subaru trailed-off. He doesn't want these kinds of explanations. He's getting red. Kamui blinked when he saw his brother blushed.

"Then… you see me differently..?" Kamui was finally able to say. He's also very red. They both averted their eyes on each other. And note that they are still in their passionate embrace.

"Yes… I don't see you as a brother… So stop calling me that… Well, I know you won't return my feelings… You might even be disgusted at me right now… But I, I just can't control or forget it…" Subaru still does not look at Kamui.

"_I __don__'__t __know __myself __either__… __I__'__m __supposed __to __hate __you__… __I__'__m __supposed __to __be __disgusted__… __Why __do __I __feel __happy..? __Is __it __because __I __learned __that __my __brother __actually __loves __me, __only __differently..? __That __must __be __it__… __If __that__'__s __not __the __reason, __then __I __don__'__t __know __what __I __feel __anymore__…_"

"I'm… not disgusted… I really admire Onii-chan…" Kamui said shyly. He was surprised when Subaru suddenly chuckled; and not a stifled one at that. Kamui thought that his brother is very cute.

"Now that's what I call a subtle rejection." He said. Kamui blinked. He does not know what Subaru was talking about. When Subaru saw Kamui's expression, he explained. "Let me explain for you, innocent little brother. You called me brother just now when I said I would not have the right to think of you anymore if you called me that." Kamui was about to argue but Subaru continued. "And… you used the word 'admire.' That word is different from 'like' or 'love'… Well, it's not as if I'm expecting anything though…"

Kamui doesn't know how to answer. He even carefully chose that word. He doesn't want to sound like confessing so he chose it. As for the word brother, he doesn't know what to call Subaru so he was stuck to calling him that. In the end, Kamui just chuckled at his brother's deduction.

Subaru kissed him once again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Kamui woke up feeling really heavy. He opened his eyes and saw that his brother is with him. At first, he was confused. Then he remembered what happened last night. Subaru's arms are embracing him. Subaru himself is almost on top of him. Kamui's head is leaning on Subaru's chest. He reddened when he became conscious of their position and that both of them are half-naked. He can feel Subaru's heat directly from his skin. He closed his eyes again. He can hear Subaru's even, silent breathing. He also smells nice. It must his shampoo or his perfume. He doesn't know because he still has not seen Subaru's things and belongings, not even his room. When he looked up, he saw Subaru's peaceful sleeping face. He thought how cute Subaru is. Then he almost jumped out of bed when he suddenly remembered something.

"Onii-chan! Wake up! Oy, Onii-chan!" Kamui shook Subaru's shoulders gently. Subaru's eyebrows creased. He moaned. "Later…" Again, Kamui thought his brother is very cute. Then Subaru's eyes slowly opened.

"What is it, idiot brother..?" Subaru asked. His eyes are still getting used to the light of the morning.

"You're being very rude so early in the morning." Kamui pouted. He can't believe he's acting so childishly in front of his brother. "No, it's not the time for that! Onii-chan, you'll be late on your competition!" He exclaimed; feeling embarrassed because he's not used to doing that – waking up Subaru, that is.

Upon hearing this, Subaru jolted out of the bed. "What time is it?" He asked.

"It's seven. I'm grateful we don't have class today because students are required to attend the tennis competition to cheer… Your call time is 8am, right? You have to hurry up." Kamui explained.

"Oh." Subaru yawned. He stood up and stretched. Then he left the room and went to his own. Kamui also got ready. He stretched a little since he doesn't like strenuous activity – except playing tennis, of course. He was about to go out of the room when his mobile phone rang. It was Sorata's number.

"Hello?" Kamui answered.

"Hey, where are you? We promised to meet at 7 in the morning, you know." Sorata exclaimed, though his voice doesn't sound angry.

"Uhmm… About the competition… Can we watch it?" Kamui asked quietly.

"Eh? I thought you don't want to go there?" Sorata asked again. He can hear Nokoru's teasing. Sorata is now having trouble controlling the phone. "Hey, Nokoru! Don't just grab other people's phone!"

"So," it was Nokoru. "Why the change of heart..?"

"N…Nothing…" Kamui answered. He reddened. "Sorry for being fickle-minded."

"No, it's okay. We'll wait for you at the front gate of BLL School."

"Ah, alright then." Kamui answered. "I'll hang up now."

"Okay." Nokoru hanged up as well.

"They made up, didn't they?" Nokoru asked Sorata, stifling a laugh.

"Of course they did. Kamui sounded so happy." Sorata chuckled. "Those two are really big pains."

"Kamui is very cute when he's like that." Nokoru is not able to stifle his laugh anymore.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

It's almost 8am when they arrived in the meeting place. The other Clidoren School tennis players are also at the gate, waiting for their Captain. Fuuma laughed when he saw the two of them together. Everyone else is looking at them with great curiosity. Kamui became self-conscious that everyone is now looking at them, just like during the time they went to the school together. This was no difference. Actually, it's worse. Subaru went to his team and headed first inside without having as much as a glance at Kamui. Kamui looked for Sorata and Nokoru. He found them grinning at him.

"So, another day with brother as your chaperon, huh…" Nokoru teased. He laughed when Kamui glared at him.

"I can't believe you two would end up fighting and making up, and fighting again… and making up again… Well, it's cycle." Sorata said. Kamui didn't pay him too much attention. Instead, he asked him a question.

"Where are Suoh and Akira?" Kamui asked seriously.

"Suoh is having a meeting with the Archery Team. He's the President after all." Nokoru smiled. Kamui nodded, implying he understood.

"And Akira..?" He asked again.

"Akira has a part-time job so he can't come." Sorata was the one who answered.

"I see." Kamui answered. He looked at Sorata when the former made some expression like he's pointing his mouth on to something.

"Huh?" Kamui can't understand what Sorata means. Sorata sighed. Nokoru chuckled. He's also looking behind Kamui. When he turned around, he saw Subaru together with Fuuma walking their direction.

"Yo! Kamui-chan!" Fuuma greeted when they got near. "And Mr. President of the Disciplinary Committee..! And… you." He pointed Sorata last since Fuuma does not know him. Kamui answered Fuuma's greeting with a smile. Nokoru greeted him good morning in a very formal way. Sorata pouted because he is not popular. Subaru remained quiet.

"So, why are you still here at the school gate?" Fuuma asked.

"No, we're just having our conversation here. We're now going inside." Nokoru answered, still smiling. They all now walked inside. Fuuma, Nokoru, and Sorata are wondering why Subaru and Kamui are not talking to each other even though they went to school together.

Actually, Kamui has not said a word to his brother ever since their conversation this morning. They ate breakfast quietly and went to BLL School quietly as well. It's not that they don't want to talk. It's just that after the adrenaline rush this morning, Kamui feels awkward talking to his brother, especially now that he knows Subaru's true feelings. Since Subaru doesn't really talk much in the first place, the atmosphere between them is just a natural occurrence.

"_Actually, last night was the first time I heard Onii-chan's voice for too long… He even wore those expressions that no one has seen before… It made me really happy… I really like him–_" Kamui stopped his trail of thoughts. His eyes widened and he froze. "What… do I mean by that..?"

When Sorata noticed that Kamui stopped walking, he called the attention of the others while also calling Kamui's attention.

"Oy, Kamui..?" Nokoru was the one to ask.

"Oy, Kamui-chan… Are you okay..?" Fuuma shook his shoulders lightly. Kamui looked at him. He then looked at everyone, except his brother, and nodded at Fuuma.

"What, did Subaru do something again?" Fuuma teased. However, instead of his usual glares, this made Kamui froze again.

"N-No…" He looked down, reddening. "_What's happening to me..?_"

"Hey, your brother does not look good, you know! And yet, you still have no care?" Kamui's attention was caught by Sorata's comments about his brother. Even with this accusation, Subaru still looked like he doesn't care in the least. He just continued walking forward like he heard nothing. Kamui does not feel hollow anymore. He knows that his brother cares… It's just that he does it in his own cold way…

"Are you alright now?" Fuuma said. He's beside Kamui, holding him by the arms in case he faints.

"I'm alright now. Sorry for worrying you." Kamui smiled at Fuuma, and then at Nokoru and Sorata. They all smiled at him.

"Sorry if I will say something bad about your friend, Fuuma-senpai… but that guy has no heart, hasn't he? Look at where he is..! Talking to the Tennis coach like nothing's wrong..! He does not even care about his own brother..! How worse can he get..? I really hate him..! Those kinds of guys don't deserve love from their siblings!" Sorata exclaimed. Fuuma only laughed at him.

"No…" Kamui muttered. He is looking down. His heart aches again. He can't take it. These comments that Sorata always makes did not bother him in the least. But now… every single comment is piercing his heart and tearing it into pieces. They all looked at him. "My brother isn't like that… He's very kind… Don't say something bad about him… I beg you…"

Kamui's plead surprised all of them, even Fuuma. They all looked at each other and then looked at him again.

"Alright… I won't say anything bad anymore…" Sorata answered silently. "I'm sorry for hurting you…"

"But really, Kamui-chan… Subaru is being kind to you?" Fuuma was the one to ask. "And here I thought he wants to avoid you…"

"_So he knew as well..?_" Kamui thought.

"Mattaku… So ignoring you the moment he sets foot here is kindness?" Sorata can't help but ask. As usual, he got a hard hit on the head from Nokoru.

"And you said you won't say anything bad anymore. You really are worst. Breaking your word the moment you said them." Nokoru scolded. Sorata pouted at him.

"I'm just asking… And, is that kindness?" Sorata didn't let go of the question.

"Yes." Kamui's straight face with a hint of smile made them really surprise. Fuuma laughed again. Nokoru chuckled at this; Sorata feels annoyed, muttering something about masochism. Kamui chuckled at Sorata even though the comment about his brother is still piercing him inside.

"Well, wish us luck." Fuuma waved goodbye.

After that, they all went to the audience's seat. Kamui sat silently.

"Are you hungry or anything? I'll buy something for the three of us." Sorata asked him after a while.

"Ah… just buy me a drink." Kamui said and gave him money. "Thank you." He added. Sorata smiled at him. After Sorata left, Nokoru sat closer to him. After a while, he talked to Kamui.

"So… what's with the short fuse earlier?" Nokoru asked, smiling. Kamui looked at him for a while. When he didn't answer, Nokoru answered for him. "It hurt like hell, huh…" Kamui's eyes widened. He blushed.

"N-No… I-It's not like that…" He's trying to stop Nokoru from laughing. "Don't laugh at me!"

"Alright, alright." Nokoru chuckled. "Well, I noticed your expression… Sorata probably noticed it as well that's why he apologized even though he has a point." Kamui looked at him again.

"Don't get me wrong." Nokoru said. His expression is very gentle. "It's just that… Sorata was hurt earlier as well. He wanted to protect you from your brother but ended up hurting you even more."

"I know that… It's probably my fault…" Kamui smiled bitterly. "I want to apologize…"

"There's no need to." Both of them almost jumped because of surprise. Sorata is holding the drinks. He's smiling. "I'm the one at fault. You don't have to apologize, Kamui."

He sat between them and gave them their drinks. Afterwards, he sighed.

"Well, I hurt you earlier… I'm really sorry about that. I just lost control and said those things about Subaru-senpai. I didn't even realize that I would end up hurting you, too."

"It's alright." Kamui smiled, though he's not looking at Sorata but at the court where the players are starting to line up. "I probably over-reacted. Sorry about that as well…"

Sorata laughed at him.

"What?" Kamui asked.

"You've changed." Sorata is still laughing. "You actually love your brother now." What Sorata meant by that is the innocent love between brothers. However, Kamui froze again when he heard this.

"I like my brother?" Kamui asked. He looks so bewildered. Sorata and Nokoru looks surprised.

"Well, what's wrong with that?" Sorata asked and then explained. "Loving one another is normal for siblings. Don't act like it's something so shocking."

"_Right… That's probably it… Why am I so disturbed..? It's just that Onii-chan's change of attitude really made me feel like this… That must be it… I feel embarrassed because of that…_" His mind came back to reality when he heard the signal of the game.

They watched the Doubles 2. The game took long because the score between opponents is close to each other. But in the end, Clidoren won. The next game is Doubles 1. Saiki is there together with Nataku. The game took long as well. But it's not because of their score but because of having long rallies between the opponents. Clidoren won this game, too. The cheers coming from the crowd are only getting louder. After all, it's the famous Clidoren Team they are watching right now. Fan banners displaying Subaru and Fuuma's names are waving in the air. Some of them are cheering for Nataku, the silent player next to Subaru. The cheers coming form BLL Team's fans, however, dislike getting drowned. They are cheering almost as loud as the Clidoren Team fans. In the end, the crowd is filled with too much noise that talking with your seatmate is basically impossible.

In Singles 3, BLL won. Clidoren got jeers from the BLL crowd. Kamui did not see much but he's sure something is off.

"That guy was cheated." Sorata said loudly. Kamui only heard it slightly because of the noise.

"What happened?" Nokoru was the one who asked, on top of his voice.

"That BLL guy said something to him. And then he began to lose his focus. It looked like he was not even concentrating. Those damned bastards resulted to cheating because they knew they wouldn't win." Sorata explained, also on top of his voice. He looks exhausted after that. Well, explaining on top of your voice is definitely hard. Kamui patted his back.

The next game is the Singles 2. It's Fuuma. The cheers got hyped up all of a sudden. Well, it's not as if it's not hyped up earlier. Kamui made sure to watch the game closely. The enemy also said something to him. His face looks so serious for a while. But then he smirked at the opponent and ended up the game in a matter of minutes. The opponent looked so exhausted and annoyed. Basically, Clidoren has already won having three wins over the five matches. But even so, the game still has to continue up to the Singles 1. Subaru is next. His opponent is the Captain of BLL Team. Subaru stood up and stretched a bit. The opponent is doing his stretching as well. For the first time, the audience went silent. They are all looking forward to the match of the two Captains.

Subaru looked so serious and cold. He's checking his racket. Kamui is silently looking at him. To everyone's surprise, Subaru looked at the audience. He never does something like that. He met Kamui's eyes. Kamui does not know what to do so he smiled at Subaru so brightly that Sorata and Nokoru gaped. Fuuma also saw that and laughed. Subaru looked down on the floor… and smiled. All his fans gaped. They looked at Kamui, who became self-conscious and looked down as well.

"What… the hell happened?" Sorata asked, still gaping.

"Well… basically, they just smiled at each other…" Nokoru said, also shocked.

"How cute..!" Sorata laughed. "So that's his kindness, huh..? I never thought I'd see that in my whole life!" Nokoru and Kamui laughed as well.

When the game started, everyone turned serious. Of course, Subaru is on the lead. The Captain is saying something to him but he looks like he's hearing nothing. The Captain looks so annoyed but he continues on what he's saying.

"Now that's one advantage of being a snob." Sorata commented. The crowd isn't as noisy as earlier so conversations can now be heard. Some fan girls of BLL Team beside them glared at him.

The game ended up in just minutes. It was the most exciting game this day. The crowd was suddenly filled with ear-piercing loud cheers. Kamui covered his ears and closed his eyes. He looks so annoyed. However, the cheers became screams. Kamui immediately opened his eyes and saw Subaru sitting on the court, bleeding. He stood up, eyes wide.

"What… happened..?" He asked unconsciously.

Sorata held him gently on the arms. "So you didn't see, huh… The Captain, because of annoyance or anger or whatever, suddenly threw his racket on Subaru's direction. I don't think he deliberately targeted your brother but he hit Subaru on the head."

"Onii-chan!" Kamui tried to run but Sorata stopped him. "What are you doing?" Kamui asked him angrily.

"Calm down, will you?" Sorata demanded. Nokoru is on his heels. "We'll all go there. So, calm down." Kamui looks like he'll cry seeing how the blood gushes out from Subaru's forehead. He is now sitting on one of the benches. The whole team is surrounding him while Fuuma and Coach Sakurazuka are tending his injury. The coach of the other team keeps on apologizing but the team members are only giving him cold glares. The Captain of BLL Team looks troubled but he won't apologize because of his pride. The other students are also looking at Subaru. Some are even taking pictures. This annoyed Kamui very much.

"Let's go down there." Sorata said and guided Kamui by the arms. They went down but Subaru and the other team members are inside the court. The three of them are outside with the rest of the audience. He wants to go to his brother's side but there's a wall separating them, the fence.

Some of Subaru's fans are crying because of what happened. Kamui looks so cold and emotionless that the other fans are whispering about how he does not care about his brother at all. When Fuuma saw them, he let them in.

"So, what's the cold and indifferent little Shirou doing here?" Coach Sakurazuka jeered. "Wanting to see your brother suffering that much?" Sorata and Nokoru both glared at him. Kamui, however, remained as cold as he is.

"Come here." Everyone was surprised when Subaru spoke for the first time. "You always get bullied when you're alone." The team members, a bit surprised, gave way to Kamui. Kamui went near his brother. His face is dark. The coach looked like he was hit by Subaru's comment. The people keep on whispering to each other. The other fan girls are giggling with excitement. The team members are gaping at them. Coach Sakurazuka doesn't know what to say.

"Onii-chan…" Kamui managed to say. The injury is now tended temporarily. Subaru tried to stand but the other members stopped him saying he must rest for a while. Subaru sighed because of this. He took Kamui's hand and made him sit beside Subaru. Kamui did so but his face is still dark. Everyone is watching them. The other tennis player members and other Subaru's fans are getting annoyed because of Kamui's dark, cold face. He remained seated there. Even Sorata and Nokoru look so worried.

"Don't worry, you two. The two of them will be fine." Fuuma told them while looking at Subaru and Kamui. "So he made his kindness a public knowledge now, huh…" He smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Kamui remained rooted in his position.

"I'm fine." Subaru said after a while. He's not looking at Kamui but everyone knows that he's talking to him. He would never say those words to anyone else after all. Kamui seemed to have gone back to reality. He looked at Subaru and looked down. He covered his face with his hands. Only after a while that people noticed he's actually crying.

"He's… crying..?" Saiki was the one who said it first. They all looked disturbed. Kamui seldom shows his emotion in front of people. Sorata was about to go to Kamui but Nokoru stopped him.

"You really are a crybaby, aren't you?" Subaru said quietly. He pulled Kamui onto his chest with his right hand. Kamui's cry of pain didn't stop but it became muffled.

"Since when did they become that close, I wonder?" Fuuma said. He seemed amused. Many people heard him and tried to think on their own as well. It annoys Subaru how people look at them like they were on some kind of show. But he can't bring himself to glare. He feels so peaceful with Kamui by his side.

"I told you I'm fine." Subaru repeated. The other audiences smiled, especially the fan girls. "It's brotherly love!" is what they are giggling about.

"So little Kamui's actually so worried that he doesn't know what to do?" Nataku asked. Saiki looks disturbed at this comment.

"Yup! I told you he's very cute." Fuuma said aloud. Saiki scowled at him. Nataku laughed for the first time since the tournament.

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that." Nataku answered. Sorata and Nokoru also chuckled. They found the Shirou brothers very cute.

"The way you're crying, it'll look like you're the one who got hit by that racket." Subaru commented because Kamui is still crying. His face is buried on Subaru's chest. His ears are very red and he's sweating from continuously crying.

"Your coolness will go down, you know." Subaru added. This made the audience laughed for the first time since Subaru got hit. Most of the team members also laughed. They found this very funny because Subaru never makes these comments. He sounded like he's joking. The people's laughter made Subaru's tiny veins of annoyance come out. Kamui became silent after a while.

"I'm hungry now. Are you finished?" Subaru asked coldly, though now, everyone knew that it's his way of loving. This made his fans love him even more. Some of Kamui's fans are also watching. They made sure to take a picture of Kamui crying while being hugged by Subaru. This also made them think Kamui is very cute despite being very cool.

"S…Sor..ry…" Kamui said. His voice sounded so croaked from crying. Subaru thought his brother is very cute. He wants to kiss him right now but there are so many people. Instead, he brought out his white handkerchief and gave it to Kamui. Kamui silently took it and wiped his red, tears drowned face. He's still looking down. He's so embarrassed that he actually cried in front of all these people. What's more, on the chest of his brother who just got hurt. He's very red, because of crying and embarrassment.

"I'm going to eat lunch now." Subaru said and stood up. Kamui stood up with him. He's still wiping his tears with the handkerchief.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Oy, are you alright now?" Sorata asked Kamui. They are in the BLL School Cafeteria. The other people are looking at them. His brother is eating with his Teammates on another table. "You're still pale."

"I'm fine…" Kamui answered. He looks so disgusted or something similar to that.

"Is there something wrong?" Nokoru asked. "You look like you're going to throw up or something."

"No, it's nothing." Kamui answered. He looked down. "I just feel very embarrassed at what I did…"

"That's how you look like when you're embarrassed?" Sorata asked. "How… different…" Nokoru chuckled at his comment. Kamui glared at Sorata.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"I didn't know you and your little brother are very close to each other now." Coach Sakurazuka said. "So the rumors are true after all."

Fuuma laughed. "That only means that none of you should bully Kamui-chan anymore… right, big brother Subaru?" Subaru glared at him. Everyone laughed at them.

"Really, Subaru… we didn't know you treat your little brother like a lover." A team member commented. Subaru didn't answer to this. Shiyuu looked at him keenly.

Shiyuu, although not part of the Tennis Club, is eating with them. He watched the game together with Yuuto. The two of them looked at each other.

"What are you saying?" Fuuma was the one who answered. He has a serious tone. "Why would you say that?"

"Well, nothing. I just thought…" The member said. "I'm sorry…"

"How about we go to your house again, Subaru?" Saiki said, trying to get the topic out of little Shirou. He's still not used that that guy is the center of their conversation in the Tennis Club; and not in a hostile way at that. Subaru looked at him, and afterwards nodded.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui didn't meet with his brother the whole day. He went home after lunch and didn't hang out anymore. He feels so tired. He wants to sleep. When he got home, he immediately went to his room and removed his shirt. He immediately lay down the bed and slept.

He woke up feeling dizzy. He can hear noises in the living room. He looked at the window and saw that it's already dark. He stood up and stretched. He accidentally saw his reflection in the mirror. He saw them. The little marks of pleasure made by his brother. He blushed when he remembered what happened the other night. He immediately averted his gaze and put on a shirt. He went down the stairs and saw his brother's friends sitting on the sofas. They all looked at him. He bowed and went to the kitchen, where he found his brother cooking.

"Onii-chan..?" Kamui called. Subaru turned his gaze. Kamui remembered what happened earlier when he saw the bandage on Subaru's forehead.

"So, are you alright now?" Subaru smirked. "Does the hit from the racket still hurt?" He asked sarcastically, pertaining to Kamui's outburst of emotion. Kamui glared at him.

"I won't do something as embarrassing as that again." Kamui said. He was about to get water from the refrigerator when his eyes widened. "Onii-chan, what are you doing?" He exclaimed. Subaru looks surprised.

"What?" He asked innocently while the frying pan is already emitting too much smoke that it will burn in just some seconds. Kamui immediately turned off the stove. He sighed.

"Why did you turn it off? I'm cooking." Subaru asked, annoying Kamui even more.

"You're supposed to cook the food, not the pan, idiotic Subaru!" Kamui was so annoyed that he didn't even call him brother anymore. So that's the reason why the foods he cooks always end up getting burnt. "So, what are you going to cook anyway?" He turned around when Subaru didn't answer. He was surprised to see Subaru looking so shocked.

"What?" Kamui asked. "You haven't been called an idiot in your entire life?"

"No," Fuuma said. Apparently, all of Subaru's friends are already in the kitchen. "Subaru is just too shocked that you actually called him by his name. Right, Subaru?"

"Eh?" Kamui asked innocently. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful…"

Subaru seemed to have recovered from the shocked. "What are you all doing here?" He glared at Fuuma. Saiki and the others are having a sweat drop.

"Well," Shiyuu answered. "We can hear your cute quarrel even in the living room."

"Eh, sorry…" Kamui apologized.

"No, no!" Fuuma said. "It's very nice to hear actually. The little brother is scolding his big brother about not knowing anything in the kitchen." He then laughed.

"Yeah," Yuuto said, chuckling. "You actually got told off by your little brother, Subaru."

Subaru looks so annoyed now. He's glaring at every one of them, except at Kamui of course.

"Ah, I know." Fuuma suddenly changed the topic. "How about asking Kamui-chan to cook for us? I really want to have a taste of you…" He coughed. "…your cooking." Subaru is glaring at him silently but could not react because of Kamui's presence. Fuuma is stifling a laugh. Nataku is also looking at him with a hint of surprise. Again, Shiyuu and Yuuto looked at each other but didn't say anything.

"Ah, sure." Kamui answered innocently. He didn't notice the other meaning behind the statement. "What will you cook, onii-chan?" He turned his gaze to Subaru. Subaru looked at him seriously and coldly, like he usually does, before he answered.

"I'll cook." He said seriously. "Just tell me what to do." Kamui felt that his brother seems annoyed but he doesn't know why. After that, the two of them were left in the kitchen to cook. Subaru's friends went back to the living and chatted some more.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"I want to ask you something." Shiyuu told Subaru. They are all in the kitchen. They have just finished eating dinner and are now in their fourth bottle of strong alcohol. Kamui is not drinking. Subaru and even the others looked at him. "Don't get angry, Subaru. You too, Kamui-kun."

"Eh?" Kamui who is ignorant of their chatting until now looked at him for the first time since dinner started.

"Well, it's really hard to ask this, but…" Shiyuu looked at Yuuto. Yuuto nodded at him in return. Fuuma is starting to get a hunch on what the topic is all about.

"What is it?" Subaru asked seriously, still as cold as ever. Shiyuu looked at him silently for a while, scrutinizing his mood. Afterwards, he sighed.

"Well…" Shiyuu looks uncertain. "You see… How will I say it..? Uhmm… What exactly is… uh, your relationship?" Subaru seemed surprised. Fuuma and Nataku both turned silent. They both knew Subaru's feelings after all. Shiyuu caught this and added. "I just wanted to ask. You don't need to answer if you don't want to."

"Eh?" Kamui looks worried. "We're… brothers… right?" He turned to Subaru. Subaru's eyes widened at the question.

"Of course… we're brothers." Subaru's face turned dark. He looked down to hide it. "Kamui and I are."

"You don't look like brothers to me." Saiki joined the conversation. "You're like lov–"

"Stop it." Nataku interrupted before Saiki can even finish. "Shiyuu, you as well. Stop asking about unnecessary things." Shiyuu's face turned apologetic.

"So you and Fuuma really know about it. Subaru's feelings, that is." Yuuto asked. Both of their eyes widened with surprise. This is enough of an answer for Yuuto. "I knew it."

"Subaru…" Saiki called Subaru who looks frozen. "You like your brother romantically?" He seemed bewildered. "You know… That's disgusting." They all stopped.

Subaru's reaction surprised them. He seemed so lost. His eyes are wide.

"Onii-chan..?" Kamui called worriedly. He then turned to Saiki. His eyes are a lot colder than Subaru's. "My brother is not disgusting." His voice is calm but they can all feel his rage.

"Kamui-kun…" Shiyuu tried to call him. "I apologize. We didn't mean to make the situation like this… I just…"

"I didn't mean your brother." Saiki continued without giving attention to Shiyuu's words. "I meant his feelings. It's disgusting."

"Saiki, stop saying that!" Fuuma exclaimed. "You're making the situation worse!"

"My brother is not disgusting!" Kamui repeated, almost a shout. He is now standing.

"Kamui-chan, please sit down…" Fuuma gently asked him.

They all gaped when Subaru suddenly stood up and hugged Kamui from behind. Kamui looked surprised as well.

"It's alright." Subaru said quietly, still hugging Kamui. His head is leaning on Kamui's nape. "I know I'm disgusting…"

"Onii-chan…" Kamui looks so angry but he couldn't say a thing.

When Subaru seized from hugging him, Kamui looked at him fully. Subaru, however, is not looking at him but on his friends, especially on Saiki. He looks so cold that it's very hard to even ask him to sit. They all gaped when he suddenly smirked.

"I'll tell you." Subaru said while still smirking at them. It's the first time they saw Subaru smirk like that. "I love Kamui differently. I desire him. Not only that, I've done so many things to him much worse than you can even imagine. Now that's disgusting, isn't it, Saiki?" He's still smirking but Saiki couldn't even agree to his words. Subaru looks so scary that they can only looked at him with wide eyes.

"Answer me. You think it's disgusting, right? You think it's disgustingly immoral!" Subaru laughed coldly. They all felt the chills ran down their spines. "You all think it's disgusting of me to be in love with my own little brother, right?" Kamui is also wide-eyed and slightly gaping at him.

"Subaru, you know we don't think like that." Fuuma also stood, trying to calm Subaru down. Saiki couldn't even speak. It's always creeping them out whenever Subaru becomes like this, especially when he's drunk. It feels as if he's an entirely a different person than the silent Subaru that they knew. He always says harsh things when he was taunted but today is the worst. He is actually smirking in a very cold and scary manner.

Subaru laughed again, colder and louder than earlier. "We all know that's a lie, Fuuma." Fuuma couldn't speak anymore. No matter what they say, Subaru won't listen to them.

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**Again, I thank all of you for the continuous support in my story. I really, really appreciate it. **

**Uhm, I've been wanting to say this ever since the start but I was not able to voice it out until now. I'm really sorry because my English sucks. I'm not good in things like subject-verb agreement and tenses, so sorry… haha… I've been practicing so I'll really try my best. ˆoˆ**

**About the word "cold" that I often use to describe Subaru, sorry for repeating that same word over and over again. haha… It's not that I don't have any choice. It's just I really think that other words don't have or don't bring the same kind of feeling compared to it. I really like the word. Sorry if that kind of brings uncomfortable feeling to the readers. ˆoˆ**

**Again, everyone, thank you for your comments!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**Everyone, sorry for the delay in the update. Hontou ni gomen… I was working on my thesis so it was really hard to focus on something else. Oh, just a trivia. My thesis is also about yaoi. Here is the next chapter and I hope you'll enjoy it. **

**Again, thank you for the people who keeps on supporting me and giving me reviews. Thank you very much! I love you all. ˆoˆ**

**CHAPTER 11**

"I don't think you're disgusting…" Kamui looked like he'd cry now. "Onii-chan…"

"Really?" Subaru asked sarcastically. "You know it's hard to believe you when you're trembling like that, little bro." They all saw the pain those words made Kamui feel. It's etched deeply on his face. He looked so shocked and was at a loss for words.

"That's enough, Subaru!" Fuuma tried to stop him. "Saiki, just apologize to him!" Saiki couldn't even open his mouth. "Kamui-chan, escort Subaru to his room. I'll take care of things here."

Kamui seemed to have gone back to reality. He nodded and approached his brother. He took Subaru's arm and gently pulled him. "Onii-chan… Let's go…" His eyes widened when Subaru just smirked at him. "Onii-chan..?"

"Subaru..?" Yuuto called. "He's very drunk…" They all gaped, eyes-wide, when Subaru suddenly pulled Kamui close and kissed him full in the mouth. Kamui gasped, shocked at what happened. Fuuma and the others were frozen. The shock and the alcohol seemed to have clashed inside their systems which made them immobile for some seconds.

"Onn…cha…nnn… st..op…" Kamui's words were blurred because Subaru's tongue was in the way. He could taste the alcohol on Subaru's mouth and the feeling was making him dizzy. Subaru was holding him at the back of his head with one hand and on the waist with another. He clutched Subaru's shirt tightly. He didn't even have time to struggle. It's so intoxicating that he's losing the will to oppose.

"Subaru…" Fuuma mumbled. With this, Subaru seemed to have gone back to his senses and pulled himself away from Kamui's mouth. His eyes were wide, looking at Kamui's red face and trembling body. Kamui's tears were falling again on his beautiful, rosy cheeks. He's looking down and breathing raggedly.

"K-Kamui…" Subaru finally uttered. "I'm sorry…" Kamui silently wiped off his tears and clutched Subaru's shirt again.

"I-I will… escort you to your room…" He said and pulled Subaru by the shirt. They both went up the stairs and went to Subaru's room.

"Will Kamui-kun be okay?" Shiyuu said, still a bit shocked. "For Subaru to suddenly kiss him like that…"

"And even in front of us…" Yuuto added, still frozen in his position.

"Subaru, that idiot…" Fuuma muttered. "He lost control just now…"

"That's so…" Saiki spoke for the first time.

"Disgusting?" Fuuma asked angrily. Saiki couldn't answer.

"Tch! You can say harsh things but can't even defend it. This is what happens when you and you're mouth talks without thinking of the consequences." Fuuma said in anger.

"I didn't think he'd be that angry." Saiki answered quietly. Fuuma couldn't do anything but sigh in exhaustion.

"Who knows what will happen in our friendship from now on…" Yuuto said.

"If it's about that, Subaru can probably forgive us… But if it's…" Nataku trailed off.

"If Kamui acts differently towards him, he will probably never speak to us again." Yuuto said confidently. "That's what you're trying to say, isn't it, Nataku?" Nataku looked down and nodded.

"Well, it's Kamui-chan after all…" Fuuma said. "I'm sure he'll forgive Subaru for kissing him in front of us. He's a very kind and cute little brother after all."

Shiyuu sighed. "I hope so…"

"Let's clean up now." Fuuma said.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Kamui…" Subaru was sitting on his bed. Kamui was beside the door, about to leave the room. He stopped when Subaru called him but didn't turn or answer. To be exact, he hadn't spoken a word ever since they entered the room no matter what apology Subaru tried to make. "I'm… really sorry…"

Kamui looked down. After a while, he opened the door and left without any word. Subaru looked down and gritted his teeth. He clutched his hair strongly with his hands.

"Kamui… I love you…" He uttered silently. "I'm sorry…"

Kamui went directly to his own room and locked the door. He removed his clothes and went to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and water as cold as ice poured down, touching his skin, hurting his skin. His body was slowly getting numb due to coldness but he didn't mind. He wanted to take that feeling off from his every vein. He wanted to get rid himself of that ugly feeling creeping up inside him; that feeling of wanting to hold Subaru earlier when he's apologizing… That feeling of wanting to touch him and hug him… That feeling of wanting to return his every kisses and every embraces… That kind of feeling… Kamui wanted every last bit of that feeling to be erased or drowned by the cold water. He hugged himself. He's shaking; from coldness or from fearing that particular feeling, he didn't know. All he wanted was for it to be gone. He didn't like it. He's afraid of it. He's afraid of what he's becoming… He's identity is… shattering…

"Onii-chan…" He uttered silently, eyes closed, while drowning himself on the cold night shower. He's touching his hard groin. He groaned from the pleasure. He then gritted his teeth and hit his head hardly on the wall when the white liquid flowed down his legs and his shaft seized from being erect. He liked the feeling so much…

"Why am I like this..?" He asked himself quietly. His felt the hot gush of tears on his face but it didn't ease the coldness.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui didn't get out of his room the next whole day.

"I'll leave your food here." Subaru said outside the door when Kamui didn't answer his call. Kamui only opened the door when Subaru left. He didn't want to see him yet. He wanted to be alone for the first time…

"Oy, are you going to the Field Trip tomorrow?" Sorata asked on the other side of the phone.

"No, I don't think so." Kamui answered with a dead voice.

"Oh, come on. Let's all go! That'll be fun, you know!" Sorata tried to persuade him.

"But I…" Kamui trailed off. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm sure your brother will be there as well!" Sorata hit the mark. "You'll have so much fun!"

"I don't think I'll go after all…" Kamui answered but Sorata wouldn't let him say no. In the end, he reluctantly agreed. Kamui sighed after the phone call.

"Kamui, your food is here." Subaru sounded in pain on the other side of the door. He couldn't bear to hear it. Subaru was about to leave when he opened the door. When Subaru looked at him with surprise, he looked down and took the food.

"Thank you for the meal." He mumbled and closed the door again.

"You're welcome…" Subaru answered silently before he left.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

When Kamui woke up the next day, he didn't find Subaru. Instead, he found a note telling him that Subaru would not be back until tomorrow. He was still eating when Sorata and Nokoru arrived.

"Sorata? What are you doing here?" Kamui asked.

"Well, we came to get you… in case you want to escape." Sorata smiled at him brightly. Kamui tried to return his smile but what came out was a very miserable expression.

"Don't tell me the two of you quarreled again?" Sorata sighed deeply. "You know, your brother isn't the only one you should be trying to get along with on the field trip. There are many students who want to be close to you that's why they will go. It'll be shame if you're not there."

"I'm not interested in the least." Kamui glared but afterwards went out with them when he's ready. Later on he found out that Suoh and Akira weren't able to come because of busy schedule in the Disciplinary Committee. Nokoru went so that he will be the DC Representative when something happened during the field trip.

When they entered the school, they found one bus outside. There were only at least twenty plus students in every A Classes and there were many students who were not able to go because of hectic class requirements and schedule. They entered the bus and sat beside each other. Sorata and Kamui, that is. Nokoru had to seat together with the other Council members.

Kamui slept on the way. When he woke up, they were already on some resort reserved for their trip. His body ached because of his sleeping position. The students started to go down the bus one by one to breathe fresh air. Kamui waited for everyone to come down first because he didn't want to go out yet. He didn't want to see that person or run into him by accident…

"Are you sure you want to stay here for a while?" Sorata asked. When Kamui nodded, he gave one last worried look before he went out. The last students to get out were still behind his seat. He closed his eyes for a while.

"Kamui-chan." Kamui opened his eyes again when he heard a familiar voice. It was Fuuma. And behind him, looking somewhere else was Subaru. Kamui felt his body stiffened. He should've gone outside with Sorata earlier. He turned to the window to avoid meeting his brother's gaze.

"I'm going outside." Subaru told Fuuma before he went outside, not bothering to look at Kamui. Yuuto and the others gave Kamui one worried glance before they followed Subaru.

"Well, I'll be going outside as well." Fuuma said. Kamui slightly smiled at him. He was about to close his eyes again when Fuuma turned around. "And also," he said. Kamui looked at him. "Please forgive Subaru now… It's really hurting me to see the two of you like this." He smiled, a sad one, and left. Kamui gritted his teeth and hit his head on the glass window. He gulped in despair. He also didn't want to see his brother suffering… But he's scared to face him… He's scared of what he's becoming… He's afraid of _that_ feeling…

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Okay, three to four people of the same gender will be sleeping in every room. The roommates have been chosen by the Student Council and the list of roommates will be posted in the lobby's bulletin." Aoki-sensei explained. They were in the hotel lobby. Some people were excited on who their roommate will be while the others were scowling because they wouldn't be with their friends. After the announcements, the students crowded in front of the bulletin to look at their designated rooms and roommates.

Kamui and Sorata were leisurely drinking canned soda in the lobby while watching the noisy crowd. They were sitting comfortably on one of the elegant sofas in the lobby. Subaru and his friends were nowhere to be found.

"How will we be able to look when those students are pushing each other just to see their designated places?" Sorata asked while drinking, annoyed.

"We can just look at it after they have finished." Kamui said casually. His head was rested on the headrest of the sofa and his eyes were closed. The other students were taking a picture of him in secret while giggling silently.

"It means we have to wait that long?" Sorata was now showing his annoyance, oblivious to the students who were taking their pictures. "Those students have seen the list and yet they still go back to see it."

"Probably just to make sure…" Kamui answered, again in a very calm and casual voice. He just finished drinking his soda. He's absentmindedly playing the can with his hand. His eyes were still closed. He looked so exhausted after the trip.

Sorata sighed. He smiled and tried to tease Kamui. "Aren't we a bit too calm, Kamui? Did something happen?"

"I've seen it." Kamui said silently.

"What?" Sorata asked, confused. He frowned at Kamui's lack of words.

"I've seen it." Kamui repeated.

"Like I said, what did you see?" Sorata asked again. Kamui opened his eyes and looked directly at Sorata.

"The list. I know who my roommates are." He answered silently.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**This chapter and following one, maybe, are a bit different from the earlier ones because of the language and the scenes. They're a bit more physical, just a little bit more physical though. ˆoˆ**

**If you're used to it, then you're okay. But if you're not… You should be. (haha)**

**I'm so used to these kinds of scenes that's why it doesn't bother me anymore… but if you're bothered, please discontinue reading… (although, you'll miss the fun.) **

**Please enjoy. ˆoˆ**

**CHAPTER 12**

"You've seen it?" Sorata asked in disbelief. He was almost gaping at Kamui while the latter looked so calm and cool. He looked at Sorata like he just asked a rhetorical question.

"That's just what I said, idiot." He answered coolly. Sorata's eyes turned into slits and he scratched his head lightly.

"But we're together ever since earlier! How the hell did you..?" Sorata waited for his friend to answer and sighed when Kamui didn't. "So that' why you're very calm!" He exclaimed.

"Do I look calm to you?" Kamui's hands trembled a bit and he tried to hide it. Sorata saw it nevertheless. "I know who my roommates are so there's no way to be calm about it."

With this statement, Sorata immediately went to where the crowd was and tried to go as near as possible. He looked for his name first. It's on room 307 on the third floor. He looked at the names of his roommates in agony because he's being pushed by the other students. He didn't know any of the names listed to be his roommates. They were probably second or third year students. He then looked for Kamui's name. His eyes widened when he saw it. He immediately went back to where Kamui was.

"That's why I said you're a bit too calm considering who your roommates are!" Sorata exclaimed, looking a little exhausted.

Kamui smiled at him. "You're a bit too agitated considering those people are not even your roommates." He said in a teasing tone. Sorata gaped at him in disbelief. Kamui chuckled a little before his lips turned into a timid but genuine smile.

"I really like that smile of yours." Sorata suddenly blurted out. "You really are a very beautiful person, Kamui. All you need to do is…" Sorata trailed off when he saw Kamui's glare. He had a sweat drop.

After a while, the teachers called the students' attention and told them to go to their respective rooms and rest for a while. The teachers would call them once the activities were about to start.

"Well, good luck with your roommates." Sorata smiled unsurely before they went to their separate rooms. Sorata's room was on the third floor while Kamui's was on the fifth, the highest floor of the hotel.

Kamui noticed that there were only few students on the fifth floor. Of course, that's only natural because only three rooms were occupied by students who only had three members per room. When he knocked on the door, he heard the other side answered.

"Come in." A voice said. Kamui entered, head lowered, silently. Fuuma smiled at him brightly. There was something behind that cool and bright smile of his, Kamui thought though he did not know what it was. Subaru was reading on the table without bothering to at least look at or greet him. It felt as if they went back to the way they started… again. Only this time, Kamui was the one who started to avoid Subaru.

"Kamui-chan, we thought you wouldn't show up." Fuuma joked. Kamui was hit right on the mark. He was idly drinking soda in the lobby because he didn't want to go to this room yet. Kamui smiled a little before he carried his belongings inside. He looked like a cute child as he carried a big luggage case and a backpack. Fuuma helped him unpack and organize his things. After a while, Fuuma stood up and headed for the bathroom.

"I'll just take a shower." Fuuma told Subaru, trying to tease him again. Subaru didn't seem bothered so he added while smiling, "Kamui, do you want to shower together with me?"

"Eh?" Kamui didn't get it. Subaru looked angry but he's not showing it. He still looked so lost in what he was reading. Fuuma wanted to test his endurance. He wanted to know how long could Subaru keep up that act.

"I'll rub your back for you." Fuuma smiled enticingly. "And your front as well." He smirked. Kamui got it, at last.

"N-No, thanks!" Kamui immediately shook his head as he answered, blushing. Fuuma could feel Subaru's stabbing glare. He, however, just laughed at the two of them.

"Subaru, do you want me to take a really long shower? How many hours should it take before I come out? Is one hour enough for you to do that?" Fuuma asked. Subaru didn't get his question at first. But when he saw Fuuma smirking and pointing at Kamui who was continuing to arrange his things, Subaru threw the book he's reading right at Fuuma's face.

"Ouch!" Fuuma laughed again. Kamui looked at them both but Subaru made no attempt to acknowledge his presence or share what just happened. Fuuma threw the book back to Subaru and closed the door. Kamui shrugged his shoulders and went back to unpacking his things.

He was feeling really uncomfortable. Subaru was in the same room but the two of them were not talking at all. He could feel it, the heat rushing in his veins. He wanted to take a shower as well, but not together with Fuuma of course. It's just that that feeling was starting to drown him again. He wanted to get that feeling off his system. He couldn't move now. He felt that if moved, that feeling would go totally out of control and his warming body would burn him. He feared that his slowly hardening shaft would go erect in an instant. He could hear the pages being turned by Subaru. He could feel the sweat forming on his forehead and the heat was making him dizzy. He's on his fours and breathing raggedly. Subaru probably noticed that something was wrong with him so he closed the book loudly and turned his gaze in Kamui's direction.

"Is something wrong?" Subaru asked coldly. It's the same cold voice he always used back when the two of them were not yet in speaking terms.

"N-Nothing…" Kamui was now getting red from embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was actually shivering in delight just at the sound of his brother's voice. He tried everything to act composed. "Don't… mind me…"

Subaru's eyebrows creased. Instead of heeding to Kamui's request, he walked to where Kamui was. "Can't you breathe?" Subaru asked. He also kneeled beside Kamui. His voice suddenly changed. It's warm. Kamui could feel the worry in his voice and it's making the feeling worse. He could feel his body burning. "Are you in pain?" He asked again when Kamui shook his head. "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing… I'm alright…" Kamui said, also raggedly like his breathing. He's still very red.

"I see." Subaru sounded as if he's in pain. "Tell me if you need something." He stood up and went back to his seat. He continued reading the book.

"_I'm sorry, Onii-chan…_" Kamui thought strongly. "_But I just can't tell you… I can't tell you… my older brother, that I… I… I'm actually… getting… h-hard because you're there…_" He gritted his teeth. "_Fuuma-senpai, hurry up… I need to use the bathroom…_"

They remained like that for a while. When Fuuma went out of the bathroom, wearing only a small white towel to cover his lower body, Kamui immediately went inside without any notice of his manliness, almost bumping him in the process.

"What's wrong with Kamui-chan?" Fuuma asked when Kamui suddenly closed the door. "Subaru, did you do something?"

"I didn't." Subaru answered coldly. He looked so annoyed. "Don't expect me to be the reason for his every weird behavior."

"Mattaku, I was just asking." Fuuma muttered while pouting. He dried his hair using another towel. He didn't mind getting naked in front of Subaru but Kamui was there as well so it's kind of a little embarrassing.

Inside the bathroom, Kamui sat on the floor and leaned on the wall as he gasped for air. He felt the cold wall of the room and shivered but didn't make any attempt to shift position. He leaned his head upwards as he breathed the scent Fuuma made inside the bathroom when he showered. He unzipped his pants and slid his hand inside it. He groaned when he touched it and pulled it out. It's so hard and erect. He bit his lower lip to prevent himself from making any loud noise while he's caressing it. He only needed a little time before he felt himself reddened and groaned at the pleasure. He closed his eyes when he felt the climax of his pleasure. He shivered and came on his hands while slightly trembling and breathing raggedly. His body was drifting with sweat. When he calmed down, he felt his tears fall down his cheeks. He's in love with that man… with his own brother… He didn't like it in the least… He felt disgusted with himself…

"_Onii-chan…_" Kamui called in his mind. "_What should I do..?_"

He stood up and removed his clothes. He took a long, cold shower. He winced at the initial contact of water on his skin. It's freezing cold. But he continued anyway without making any attempt to turn on the heater. After a while, Fuuma knocked. He didn't answer, he couldn't. Fuuma knocked again, a little harder and louder.

"Kamui-chan?" He called. When Kamui answered, he continued. "The teachers are asking the students to go to the lobby now."

"Y-You can go on. I'll follow later." Kamui answered. He just started his cold shower after all, even though it's almost ten minutes since he started. He heard Fuuma's reply but did not understand it. He turned the faucet fully and the cold water that was making his entire body numb increased. It's making him shiver but he couldn't stop. He felt that if he stopped showering in this cold water, after his body seized to become numb, that feeling would go back again. After about half an hour, he covered himself with a small towel and went out of the bathroom totally soaking wet with cold water and shivering from the coldness. His skin was very pale and his lips had lost their colors. The water was drifting on the floor. He thought no one would be left in the room so his eyes widened when he saw Subaru still in the same position when he left him. Subaru stood up and took a towel from his own belongings.

"You showered so long even though you knew I haven't showered yet." Subaru said. He approached Kamui. Kamui thought that Subaru was going to the bathroom so he gave way, not making eye contact. He was surprised when Subaru didn't go to the bathroom but went directly to him.

"You're soaking wet." Subaru said silently and rubbed the towel on Kamui's hair. "What do you think you're doing to yourself..?"

"Onii-chan… I…" Kamui's eyes widened; he immediately stopped. "_What… was that..? What was I about to say..?_"

"What is it?" Subaru asked. He could see how Kamui shivered as he spoke. He wanted to hug him, to remove that coldness, and to bring back the life on his pale body.

"I-It's nothing…" Kamui looked down. Subaru continued rubbing the towel on him until his hair felt warm. Afterwards, he hugged Kamui tightly. Kamui could feel his body getting hot again. He stepped backwards and found himself trapped between Subaru and the wall. In the end, he closed his eyes and let Subaru's warmth enter him.

"Sorry for making you suffer…" Subaru apologized quietly. He kissed Kamui on the forehead. Kamui gritted his teeth when he felt Subaru's touch. The feeling was going back. Everything that he did, the shower, the releasing he did earlier, the avoidance… Everything was in vain before this man. Kamui could feel that he, Subaru, was slowly… continuously breaking him… Subaru was shattering his identity…

"Do you hate it that much? Being touched by me, that is…" Subaru asked when he noticed Kamui's expression.

"N-No… it's…" Kamui couldn't continue. He might accidentally say it. He might accidentally tell Subaru his true feelings. He gritted his teeth again.

"I see… If that's what you want… you should have said you hate it from the start…" Subaru felt like he's being stabbed in the chest over and over again. He wanted to die just to ease the pain… "Don't worry, I won't touch you anymore from now on… I won't let you feel my desire anymore…"

"Onii-chan..?" Kamui called when Subaru ceased from hugging him and turned around.

"Let's go." Kamui's eyes widened when Subaru turned to his direction again. He didn't possess the warmth he showed earlier. He felt more of an ordinary older brother. "The teachers might get angry if we get any later than this." He threw Kamui's clothes to him and asked him to hurry up.

"_I can't believe it, ever since we were young, and even until now, this person…_" Subaru thought. "_…is shattering me… He's shattering my identity… ceaselessly…_"

"If only I would cease to exist…" Subaru mumbled absentmindedly. Kamui's eyes widened when he heard it.

"Onii-chan..?" Kamui called.

"What? We're so late now. I can't even have a proper shower anymore. Hurry up and get dressed." Subaru said but when he saw Kamui, he continued. "Oh, you're finished? Why didn't you say so? Let's go."

"_I feel like I'm talking to a different person…_" Kamui thought. "_What does he mean by that when he said 'cease to exist'..?_"

They arrived in the lobby with the students already in group and working with the activities. In the end, the two of them had to find themselves some group mates and work together with them. The activities lasted one whole day. After that, the students were a lot more at eased with each other. They made some campfire outside to enjoy the moonlight's view. Kamui, not a person who liked socialization, didn't even bother to look or join. He decided to just be in his room because the students were all in the campfire anyway. He entered the room absentmindedly without knocking. He found Fuuma half-naked, removing his pants.

"Ah, sorry." Kamui looked away but still continued to enter. He sat down on his bed and was about to get his towel when Fuuma suddenly sat beside him. He stopped and looked at his senpai.

"Ne, Kamui-chan." Fuuma seemed different than usual. He's still half-naked. His pants was on but it's unzipped. He could even see Fuuma's undies. Kamui looked at him with a little curiosity, wanting to know if he had some problems. "If it was Subaru changing clothes just now, would you have blushed and left the room immediately?"

"Eh?" Kamui couldn't explain it but he felt kind of nervous with Fuuma alone with him right now. Somehow, he looked and felt different than usual. His eyes were a little scary and his usual gentle smile was gone. Kamui wanted to stand up and leave the room, but he didn't dare move because he felt that Fuuma might get offended. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you didn't even seem interested when you saw me almost naked, but you blushed violently when Subaru touched you earlier." Kamui's eyebrows creased. He didn't know what Fuuma was talking about.

"I don't know what you mean." He's starting to feel really nervous with Fuuma now. He wished that Subaru would finish with his group discussions beside the campfire and come back soon. "My brother didn't touch me earlier…"

"I don't mean he sexually touched you." Fuuma smiled, but it didn't look gentle. He somehow looked scarier than when he was serious earlier. "You're very easy to read. He just held you on the arms earlier and you really went red."

Kamui's eyes widened. Fuuma was talking about that time when Subaru and Kamui were walking towards the lobby. Kamui was about to go to a wrong direction but Subaru grabbed his arm and steered him on the right way, like the older brother that he is. Kamui blushed at the contact but didn't let his brother saw it. He now wondered how the hell Fuuma, who's supposed to be already with his group, knew. He gulped.

"F-Fuuma-senpai, that was…" Kamui tried to stand up because Fuuma was sitting so close to him and he's starting to get uncomfortable. Plus, he's already a little frightened. To his surprise, however, Fuuma grabbed his arm and pushed him down the bed. Kamui froze. He looked at Fuuma like a trapped kitten in the arms of the enemy.

Fuuma smirked. "Why are you looking at me like that? Subaru always does this to you, right?" He leaned down and kissed Kamui's neck. Kamui gulped. His eyes were very wide. He seemed to remember how to move and he immediately tried to struggle but Fuuma's grip on his wrist was fixed.

"Fuuma-senpai..!" Kamui shouted while squirming under his senpai. He didn't stop struggling until he was able to free his hands. He tried to push him. Of course, he's in vain seeing Fuuma was taller and had a broader body than even Subaru.

"I want you to wear something for me, Kamui-chan." Fuuma smiled like he always do, but Kamui still felt that there's something wrong with him. Fuuma brought out a light pink apron with a flower embroidered on the groin part. "This one, wear it for me."

"Fuuma-senpai, what are you saying..?" Kamui was looking at him bewilderedly. He then looked at the apron thing with wider eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Fuuma actually wanted him to wear something totally girly and a lot embarrassing. Fuuma seemed to get what was inside Kamui's head. He started to do the task himself. "What do you think you're doing?" Kamui shouted when Fuuma started removing his school shirt. There were many buttons but he was still able to unbutton all of them despite Kamui's active interference.

"Subaru told me one time that you look cute in an apron." Fuuma answered. "I just want to see it for myself."

"No, I don't want to! Stop it!" Kamui kept on struggling while Fuuma threw his unform. His shirt came into view and Fuuma started removing that as well. Kamui tried to hold Fuuma's swift hands but he failed. He then tried to hang on to his shirt but also failed. Fuuma successfully removed Kamui shirt, and now, he started undoing his pants. Kamui's panic overcame him when he realized Fuuma was seriously trying to strip him off of everything. He looked so frightened and his hands were shaking as he tried to stop Fuuma from removing his pants as well by grabbing onto it. Fuuma seemed a little annoyed and he decided to take both of Kamui's wrists with his left hand and pin them on the bed above them. Kamui winced at the pain of having his hands gripped so strongly without any tenderness. Subaru may have done those things to him but his brother would not do these kinds of frightening things. Fuuma stripped him off his pants with ease even with only a right hand. All that was left is his underwear. Kamui was very embarrassed that he's blushing while struggling. Fuuma was still on top of him so he couldn't move much nor his struggles did him any good.

"Now, that's what I like more." Fuuma said smirking while trying to slowly remove Kamui's undies. He wanted to make Kamui savor the sensation of having his underwear removed seductively. "You're blushing not because of Subaru but because of me."

Kamui tried his best to shout and struggle while he felt his only cloth slowly being stripped off. He reddened even more as his whole body was exposed to Fuuma's full view. He wanted to cry but he didn't want to give Fuuma that satisfaction. Instead, he gritted his teeth as he fought with the tears. When Fuuma let go of his wrists at last, Kamui immediately curled himself up in embarrassment. He's eyes were wide with so much fear and his face was very red.

"Onii… chan…" He mumbled. "Help me…"

"And that part," Fuuma said seriously while putting the apron on Kamui. "…is what I hate the most about you." Kamui looked at him in fear. "You always end up seeking Subaru's help when you're in danger but always pushes him away when you're okay. Aren't you a bit too conceited, Kamui-chan?" Kamui's tears were starting to fall. He knew that Fuuma was right. But somehow, that didn't make any difference because of his current situation. He wanted Subaru very badly. He wanted to see his brother. He only wanted to be touched by his brother. He didn't like Fuuma was doing in the least. He's trying so hard to stop sobbing.

Fuuma held Kamui's hands and kissed his knuckles. He looked at Kamui's sobbing figure before he pinned his wrists once again up above the bed. He looked like he's fully enjoying Kamui's bare slender body exposed, gleaming with sweat and trembling with fear. "You're very beautiful. Do you know that?" He smiled when Kamui sobbed silently. Fuuma tied Kamui's hands on the bed's headrest with his necktie so he wouldn't be able to struggle anymore. Kamui tried to get free from the bind but it was so damn tight that he could his hands getting purplish.

"Fuuma-senpai… stop this… please…" Kamui said while crying. Fuuma's scary face was getting blurry from his tearful view.

"You know I can't do that. I still have to differentiate Subaru from me." Fuuma said. He slid his hands under the apron. Kamui gasped and his eyes widened even more when he felt Fuuma touched his groin and started caressing it. He felt so disgusted. He felt so sick.

"Stop it..! Fuuma-senpai..!" Kamui found his voice and shouted his agony with his trembling hoarse voice. "Please… don't do this…"

"Why do you like it when it's Subaru who's doing it to you?" Fuuma's smile widened when Kamui stopped pleading and bewilderedly looked at him. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know the answer. He had never thought about that before, why he liked Subaru's touches. All he knew was that he… loved Subaru. He knew that information would get him into trouble but he feared that Fuuma would do something again if he sensed that Kamui was lying.

"B-Because…" Kamui was finding it hard to explain while crying. "Be..cause… I…"

"Because you love him in the same way as he loves you." Fuuma finished for him. "Right?" Fuuma asked. He's smile is now the same as his usual smile. Kamui's tears fell silently on his flushed cheeks. His eyes were wide and his lips were slightly parted, unable to counter.

Fuuma leaned closer, almost on top of Kamui. "Kamui-chan, please… please take care of Subaru." Kamui's eyes widened when Fuuma suddenly whispered these words to him. "Don't hurt each other anymore. I don't want to see both of you suffering… Please, take care of my one and only beloved person." Kamui looked shocked. His tears were still falling silently but he already ceased from sobbing.

"Y-You… love my brother..?" Kamui asked quietly. He looked at Fuuma fully. His fear was slowly subsiding as he realized that Fuuma turned to being the same again.

"I love Subaru… so much that I'm willing to be unhappy just so I can see him smiling." Fuuma answered, still whispering. "You see how different it feels when it's me who's touching you. Don't try to fight that feeling you have for Subaru. I'm begging you…"

"Fuuma…senpai…" Kamui looked like he'd cry again. "But I… that person is my brother… I…"

"You don't know how I want him to be mine…" Fuuma said. "But since it's his cute little brother who will get him, I don't mind not having him as long as you make him happy…"

"Fuuma-senpai…" Kamui called when Fuuma wiped his tears.

"Sorry for scaring you." Fuuma smiled at him and kissed Kamui full in the mouth. Kamui didn't feel afraid anymore but he still felt uncomfortable.

"Fuuma-senpai..!" Kamui gasped. Fuuma laughed at his bewildered expression.

"I just wanted to have a taste of Subaru's indirect kiss." He said teasingly. Kamui reddened because of this. At that same time, Subaru entered the room and saw them.

"Shoot, I forgot to lock the door." Fuuma said seriously. Subaru's eyes widened when he saw Kamui's state. The bag he was holding was unconsciously dropped on the floor as he immediately went to Fuuma and hit him very hard that he was thrown on the floor. He never thought Fuuma would do this thing. He continued hitting Fuuma until his lips were swollen and his cheeks were violet.

Kamui could feel Subaru's raw and cold rage. "Onii-chan…" Subaru seemed to have realized Kamui's situation and went to him.

"Don't untie him yet." Fuuma said. Subaru looked at him angrily. He only smiled at this while wiping his mouth that was full of blood. "You should look at Kamui fully. He's very beautiful right now."

"Why did you do this, you bastard!" Subaru asked in deep anger and anguish. His eyes were pained as he asked his best friend.

"Kamui-chan, it's the best time to tell him how you really feel." Fuuma smiled at Kamui. Kamui felt pity for him. He nodded. "Well, I'll be going out now." He said that and he left.

The moment he closed the door, Fuuma closed his eyes and licked his lips. And then he licked the hand he used to grope Kamui's groin. "Kamui-chan… Sorry for lying…" He clutched his hair with his hands. "The one I like… is you…" He then walked away from the room.

"_I just wanted to know how you will react if I used force just like Subaru does… Well, if you like each other, then there's nothing I can do… Even if I have loved you ever since we were little…_"


	13. Chapter 13

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**Haha, sorry for the long wait. I was really busy these past few weeks that I hardly had time to do this. I hope you can forgive Ren-sama. Well, here is the 13th chapter. Don't want you to wait longer anymore. Sorry there's not much lemon because of the fact that it is incest. ˆoˆ**

**CHAPTER 13**

"That's what he said…" Kamui explained everything to Subaru, except the part where Fuuma told him his feelings for Subaru. Kamui felt that if ever Fuuma wanted Subaru to know his real feelings, he should tell Subaru himself.

"That… bastard…" Subaru gritted his teeth. He knew how Fuuma really felt for Kamui. They both knew that they loved the same person and yet they remained good, no, best friends. He didn't know why the hell Fuuma would do such a thing. Kamui's explanation about Fuuma wanting his little brother to realize something seemed reasonable but it still wasn't enough to destroy Kamui's trust.

"Kamui, what's that feeling the two of you were talking about?" Subaru asked. He wanted to know if Fuuma confessed to Kamui. Kamui averted his eyes from Subaru's direct gaze.

"C-Can you untie me first, Onii-chan..?" Kamui asked. His eyes widened when Subaru smirked.

"Why would I when it's very enjoyable looking at you tied up on the bed naked and wearing only an apron to cover your body? Tell me, why would I?" Subaru asked while smiling evilly. Kamui reddened violently because of that comment.

"O-Onii-chan..!" Kamui tried to get free on his own but in vain, again. He could feel his body getting warm. He didn't feel frightened. He felt sparks of light getting bigger and going directly to his lower abdomen. It's starting again, that feeling. He gulped.

"He really didn't hurt you or anything?" Subaru asked. Kamui shook his head, implying he's not hurt anywhere. He specifically avoided telling Subaru that Fuuma actually kissed him full in the mouth just before Subaru entered the room. "I see. Then tell me about that feeling now." He leaned closer, almost on top of Kamui. Kamui felt Subaru's warm body and also felt his body getting hotter by the second. He could feel his shaft getting hard. He wanted to hide it from Subaru but he couldn't move because he's tied to the bed. Instead, he tried to shift his hips in an inclined position so that Subaru wouldn't feel that he's hard.

"What's wrong? Don't try to get my attention away from the topic by leaning on your sides." Subaru said. "I won't let go of that topic no matter what kind of distraction you try to create."

"No, it's just that… I…" Kamui trailed off for the nth time. He's too embarrassed to say it. And Fuuma even generously gave up his love just for him…

"_I have to say it..! I have to..!_" Kamui thought strongly.

"Onii-chan… I have… something to tell you…" Kamui was very red. Subaru couldn't believe he was quietly enjoying his brother's agonized expression. He wanted to untie him, really. It's just really hard to do at the moment. Maybe later.

"I… It's just that… No… Onii-chan… don't… get disgusted with me…" Kamui struggled. Subaru's eyes slightly widened as confusion set in. That's not the topic he's expecting to hear.

"I won't be disgusted no matter what you do…" Subaru leaned closer and kissed Kamui on the forehead. He blushed even more. "Onii-chan… I… I love you–" He was interrupted by the students laughing noisily outside. Subaru was also distracted and he didn't seem to hear what Kamui just said.

"Sorry, what is it again?" Subaru asked seriously. He laughed when Kamui looked like he'd cry. "I heard it… clearly." He kissed Kamui on the mouth. He cupped his hands on Kamui's cheeks and fully, torridly kissed him. Kamui closed his eyes to savor the moment. Subaru was quite interested because his brother didn't seem to be in the mood to push him. But at the same time, he was afraid that Fuuma really did something for him to act like that. But as he explored Kamui's mouth, his thoughts let it slid for a while and started enjoying and treasuring the moment.

When Subaru parted their lips, he asked yet another question. "Now, what do you mean by that, little bro? I don't like having false hope, you know."

Kamui smiled at him very sweetly that Subaru was having a hard time fighting the urge to remove the apron and kiss him all over. "It means what it sounds. It doesn't mean anything else." Subaru laughed at him.

"Now I think I heard something like that before." He knelt on top of Kamui. "I love you, Kamui…" He kissed Kamui again. His eyes widened when he felt something. When he looked at Kamui, Kamui averted his eyes again by looking elsewhere.

"D-Don't mind it..!" He's very red.

"But I want to mind." Subaru said. He crawled backwards until he's facing Kamui's hard shaft.

"It's very hard…" Subaru mumbled. "Kamui, tell me if you hate it. I'll stop." Kamui's eyes widened when Subaru touched its tip with his finger.

"Ahhh….! Onii-chan..!" Kamui exclaimed, feeling so much pleasure just from that small touch.

"This little flower needs some butterfly to suck its nectar." Subaru said while eyeing the hard and erect tower with the flower apron covering it. He curled his hand on the base of the flesh. It made Kamui groaned in deep pleasure.

"Don't worry, the butterfly is here." Subaru smiled before he opened his mouth and gently thrust Kamui's shaft inside it. Kamui screamed in so much pleasure when he started sucking it – head first, but he gradually swallowed little by little, until he reached the bottom. Kamui was breathing raggedly, devoid of any strength. His hips unconsciously arched to allow Subaru to have more of it. Subaru silently but strongly sucked everything. Kamui's eyes were tightly shut and his head was arching backward. He's gritting his teeth to muffle his groans and cries of forbidden pleasure.

"Nnnnnnn...nn…Ahhnnnn….." Kamui's tears were falling down again; he felt so good. He shivered and tried to close his legs but Subaru was holding them apart.

"Onii-chan… I'm going to….ahhnnnnn….. stop.. for a..ahhh….while…." Kamui asked but his brother was not listening at all. Subaru stopped but didn't remove the shaft inside his mouth.

"Onii-chan, can you stop for a while? I think I need to go to the bathroom…" Kamui said with pleading eyes.

"The purpose of what I'm doing is to make you come, in case you don't realize and still wants to go to the bathroom." Subaru said, trying to tease him. "Or, do you want me to remove this apron and suck you directly?" Kamui reddened even more at the comment. He's breathing raggedly and sweating a lot, well, both of them were.

"N-No, no..! Onii-chan..!" Kamui said but Subaru smiled. "Untie me..! No..!" He's trying to struggle as Subaru was slowly removing the flower-embroidered pink apron. Subaru chuckled at his brother's embarrassed attitude.

"Alright, I'll untie you. Don't move too much… or I might not be able to stop myself." Subaru said. Kamui stopped moving for a while. Subaru had no choice but to do as Kamui asked. He didn't want to end up looking like a perverted and rapist older brother. After that, Kamui tried to get up and sit but Subaru pushed him down again. "I'm not finished releasing you yet."

Kamui gasped when Subaru leaned closer and kissed him again in the mouth. His lips left Kamui's mouth after a while and went for his neck. He mibbled and licked his brother's neck and shoulder. He moved down on Kamui's throat. Kamui was groaning under him as he clutched Subaru's shirt. His left hand reached at the back Kamui's neck and pulled the ribbon of the apron while his right hand moved down behind Kamui's slender back to do the same. Now, the apron was only covering him. Subaru smirked as he slowly slid his hands down slowly, pulling down the apron together with them. Kamui felt himself shiver at the touch of his brother's cold, slender hands. Subaru continued kissing him. His mouth traveled down his chest, sucking his flushed skin and everything that went under its way. Kamui's cries echoed throughout the room as Subaru licked and sucked his nipples to erection. Subaru sat up and continued pulling the apron down with his hands. They settled to his now almost exposed, erect and hard, shaft. He took a glance at Kamui's direction to see if he was disgusted. He saw nothing but bliss and arousal in his little brother's eyes so he continued until the apron was fully removed. He parted Kamui's legs in his sides. Still in his sitting, almost kneeling, position as he leaned closer.

"O-Onii-chan..!" He clutched Subaru by the hair to try to stop him but Subaru didn't even budge. He kissed the head, and then kept on nipping the body. Kamui tried to close his legs involuntarily but Subaru gently grabbed both of them and pulled them apart.

"Onii-chan..!" Kamui was breathing raggedly with a very red face. "No, stop it..! I'm going to..!"

Subaru kissed it again and again.

"No way, I've been dreaming of doing this almost every night." Subaru smirked. He slowly thrust Kamui's hard shaft inside his mouth again, without the clothes. Kamui cried in so much pleasure. He could feel Subaru's warm mouth and tongue and it's making him shiver in deep excitement. He couldn't take it anymore. He let go of Subaru's hair and clutched the bed sheet tightly. The feeling was making him lose himself. He's… shattering in excitement. He shivered and a hot, white come gushed out of his erect, pale tower. Subaru sucked it, everything, every last drop, and swallowed it. Kamui was panting and his whole body was sweating. He felt very weak. Subaru struggled to do something more than a simple foreplay. He didn't want to hurt Kamui. Instead, he went up to him and hugged him tightly.

"I… love you… Onii-chan…" Kamui covered his face with both his hands. He couldn't take to see Subaru's face right now. He's too embarrassed to be looked at. "But I… I'm scared…"

Subaru hugged him again. "Don't worry, nothing will change… If I have to throw away my being part of the Shirou household, I'll do it. I'll do everything…" Subaru was about to kiss him when Kamui covered his mouth with his hand.

"What are you doing?" Subaru asked with an annoyed look. "Take that hand off… or I'll kiss you forcefully."

"Onii-chan…" Kamui said. His voice was muffled because he's covering his mouth. "You just swallowed that… that… I can't let you kiss me."

"You mean that semen?" Subaru said with a very serious look. "That's yours anyway, so what's wrong with kissing me?"

"That's the problem! That's mine! I don't want to taste it!" Kamui blushed at his own words. He's not used to talk about these kinds of things. Well, both of them weren't.

"Oh, I see." Subaru smirked. He leaned his face closer. "You don't want to be kissed by me?" He said this in a very seductive voice. He started licking and kissing Kamui's hands.

"Don't seduce me!" Kamui shouted. He gasped when Subaru took this opportunity to kiss him torridly. Subaru thrust his tongue into Kamui's mouth in a very intoxicating manner. Kamui groaned in pleasure. He clutched Subaru's shirt and pulled him closer. He couldn't fight his feeling anymore. He couldn't control it. Subaru smirked again because of Kamui's actions. He didn't think that a day will come when Kamui would actually pull him closer.

"_This guy…_" Subaru thought while kissing Kamui torridly. "_…is shattering me… I… like it…_"

They were both panting when Subaru pulled his lips away. He kissed Kamui gently and stood up. "You better put on your clothes now, or you'll catch a cold." Kamui sat on the bed, still feeling lightheaded. "I'll just take a shower." Subaru said and he went to the bathroom. Kamui looked at him silently. Afterwards, he put on his clothes which were thrown on the floor by Fuuma. He felt so bad, and yet it felt so good. He's being ripped apart by his conscience; and yet he felt so whole. Subaru was making him complete, preventing him from breaking.

When Subaru came out of the bathroom, he found Kamui sitting on the bed, lost in deep thought. He approached Kamui and touched his cheeks.

"Onii-chan, you're cold." Kamui said when he felt Subaru's hands. Subaru leaned closer and kissed Kamui on the lips. Kamui chuckled. "Even your lips are cold."

"It's getting warm though." Subaru said. After a while, Kamui went to the bathroom and also took a long, cold shower.

At least half an hour passed when someone knocked on the door. Kamui was still in the bathroom, seemed inclined to take his time. Subaru opened the door for the other person coldly.

Fuuma chuckled at the cold treatment. "What, you're still angry?" When Subaru didn't answer, he continued with his teasing. "So, how is it? Kamui-chan's body, I mean. Did it feel good?"

Subaru looked at him coldly. "Are you asking me that to tease me, or just for your own body satisfaction? You touched him earlier, did you?" Fuuma's smile widened.

"Did Kamui-chan tell you that?" He asked.

"No, but I'm sure you did something to him." Subaru accused. "You like Kamui after all." Fuuma chuckled at the statement.

"I thought you said I can't like him… because he's a guy." He's now getting on the offensive. When Subaru glared at him, he merely laughed. "Don't worry, I won't do something like that again… probably. I'm sure Kamui will be happier in your arms, though he'll also probably experience all kinds of hardships with you. Your relationship is forbidden by society after all."

"If it's society that forbids it, then I'll destroy that society for him." Subaru said seriously. "I'll do everything…" Subaru trailed off because Kamui went out of the bathroom that moment. He froze when he saw Fuuma and Subaru talking seriously.

The whole night, they played cards and stuff. Subaru and Fuuma were talking like they usually do but Kamui still felt that there's a really huge tension in the room. Either way, he's happy that the two of them were now talking to each other again.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Ne, what happened to you during the field trip?" Sorata asked Kamui. They were in the bus going back to school. The field trip had just finished. "I didn't see even your shadow, you know!"

"Sorry, I kind of ended up in a really heavy situation." Kamui answered tiredly.

"It's about your brother again, isn't it?"Sorata sighed when Kamui didn't answer. "Ne, Kamui." He called Kamui's attention with the seriousness of his tone. "The students are spreading bad rumors about you and your brother, you know." Kamui looked at him curiously.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Well, you know that both of you have fan girls, right?" Sorata asked.

"I don't know anything about that." Kamui answered casually. "And I don't want to know them either."

"I knew you'd say that, but…" Sorata trailed off. After a while, he continued. "You see, these fans saw you being hugged by Subaru during the tennis competition… They kind of ended up having some ideas that you and your brother are having that kind of relationship… And…"

"What?" Kamui interrupted, looking confused. "What relationship? Don't tell me they were saying I'm not part of the Shirou family again?"

"No, not that issue." Sorata was trying hard to explain. He sighed. "I guess I should say it directly. They think the two of you are actually lovers."

Kamui's eyes widened. "What… did you say..?" He looked so shocked.

"No, I just told you. You don't have to mind something like that." Sorata brushed off the topic. "Those guys just probably want some entertainment for themselves. It's not true anyway, right?" He was about to laugh it off but he saw Kamui's bewildered reaction.

"What's wrong?" Sorata asked. "Did the topic shock you that much? Sorry about that…"

"Sorata," Kamui said silently. Sorata was surprised at the tone of his voice. He looked at Kamui with a hint of worry. "What will you do if… if I… if your friend is an immoral and disgusting person..?" Sorata wasn't able to answer. He just looked at Kamui with wide eyes.

He then laughed. "What are you talking about, Kamui..?" He patted Kamui's shoulders. "Surely it's not something as horrible as being your brother's lover like what they were talking about…" He trailed off when he saw Kamui's shocked expression. "Kamui..?"

"You think… it's horrible..?" Kamui asked silently. "It's horrible… But even so… I still…"

"Oy, Kamui…" Sorata was now having an idea on what Kamui was talking about. "Don't tell me you really have that kind of relationship with Shirou-senpai…" His last statement was almost soundless.

Kamui suddenly froze. Then he looked at Sorata and smiled. "Of course not. Why would I have that kind of relationship with him?"

Sorata laughed, but he's not convinced because of Kamui's earlier reactions. Kamui wasn't someone who would react like that or be affected that much with just some meaningless rumors. Unless… those rumors are… true.

Kamui closed his eyes. Sorata looked at him fully. He could see that Kamui was in pain.

"Kamui…" Sorata called. When Kamui didn't answer or opened his eyes, he leaned closer and hugged Kamui gently. This time, Kamui looked surprised.

"Sorata..?" Kamui said. But Sorata just continued hugging him gently.

"Kamui, if you like someone, no matter who it is, I'll…" Sorata ceased from hugging him. "I'll always be there to support you." He said with a straight face and smiled. Kamui looked surprised and relieved at the same time.

"Thank you…" Kamui looked down. He appreciated those words, even if Sorata didn't know the person he's in love with.

"So," Sorata looked up, as if talking to himself. "The reason you two are avoiding each other is because you both want to suppress that feeling, huh…"

"Eh?" Kamui looked at him innocently.

Sorata laughed and brushed Kamui's hair. "It's nothing. You can sleep now."

Kamui looked at him suspiciously, but Sorata just laughed innocently. Afterwards, Kamui closed his eyes and slept.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Mother!" Kamui called happily when they got back from the field trip. Tooru's business trip had finished and she just came back as well. He hugged Tooru tightly. Tooru laughed happily.

"Did you really miss me that much, huh, Kamui?" She said while smiling. She then looked at Subaru and smiled sweetly. Subaru looked down but he also approached Tooru and kissed her on the cheek. "Subaru, did you grow taller while I was gone?" She laughed again when Subaru looked surprised. She brushed their hair with her hands.

"Welcome home, my little darlings." She hugged them both again and afterwards, made them go to their room to change and also to unpack their bags. The two of them did so happily. Tooru was left in the living room. Her smile turned into a worried face.

"_Something changed between the two of them…_" Tooru thought. "_Kamui probably realized that he, too, looks at Subaru differently…_"

She went to the kitchen to prepare the meals. "_Should I just continue to watch and let them decide for themselves..? Should I forbid them even though I know how happy they are with each other..? Should I support them knowing it's immoral..?_" She continued to chop the vegetables. The carrots were Subaru's favorites. The potatoes were Kamui's. These two vegetables almost always go along with each other in every menu. She smiled at the coincidence… Coincidence?

When Subaru and Kamui went down and tried to help, Tooru tried to talk to them seriously.

"Subaru, do you really like Kamui that much..?" Both Subaru and Kamui stopped. "Don't worry, I'm not here to scold you."

Subaru looked down. He looked like his weighing his options. "Yes, mother…" He answered silently after a while.

Tooru sighed. "How about you, Kamui?" She said very gently.

"I…" Kamui trailed off. Subaru smiled at him and brushed his hair.

"You don't have to answer." He said. Then he turned his gaze to Tooru. "I'm sorry, mother… It's all my fault… Please don't scold Kamui…" Subaru pleaded. Tooru was stifling a smile. _"I knew it…"_

"I thought I made myself clear to you that I won't scold you." Tooru said. "I just want to know the exact situation. And thus be able to give some advises as a mother… Can't I?"

"I love Onii-chan…" Kamui said seriously though he's voice is a bit shaky. "…in the same way as he loves me, mother…" Both Subaru and Tooru looked surprised. It's not Kamui's nature to just suddenly open up like that.

"I see…" Tooru trailed off, searching for the right word. "But you both know that you being lovers… is immoral in front of society…"

"Don't worry, mother." Subaru said seriously. "Our relationship is nothing like that. We're not lovers at all." Kamui's eyes widened. He thought that the two of them have that kind of relationship. And suddenly, Subaru would deny it just like that… Tooru seemed to have caught Kamui's reaction.

"Are you sure, Subaru?" Tooru asked, trying to make Subaru say the real answer. She felt pity for his second son.

"Yes, of course." Subaru seriously answered. "We don't have that kind of relationship…" Kamui was about to turn around and leave when Subaru grabbed his arm.

"Mother," Subaru said while holding Kamui whose face is dark. Kamui's looking down. "We are simply brothers… with benefits." He smirked. Tooru's eyes widened with great surprise and amusement. Kamui looked shocked.

Tooru laughed heartily. "With benefits, you say? What a play with words." She said while laughing. "And you think that's not immoral?"

"Of course it's not." Subaru said with a straight face.

"You are one smart person. Brothers with benefits, huh… That's not so bad." She smiled at them. Kamui looked at Subaru with a worried look on his face. Subaru looked at him seriously.

"Or do you prefer for us to be lovers after all?" Subaru asked. Kamui looked down.

"Ah, n-no…" He said but Subaru already kissed him in front of Tooru. She gaped at them.

"Sorry about that…" He smiled at his mother after the torrid kiss.

Tooru sighed in exhaustion when Subaru hugged Kamui to comfort him. "Really, for you to do that in front of me…"

"Sorry, mother…" Subaru said. "Sorry about that, Kamui…" He's still hugging Kamui who refused to show his face. "I know it's lower than actually being lovers, but… at least we don't have to worry about breaking the rules of society…" Kamui looked at him now. His tears were falling silently again. He was happy but h e didn't know how to tell his feelings to Subaru and also to his mother. "I told Fuuma I will do anything, but he told me I won't make you or even mother happy by doing that… He said I would only drag both of you and the three of us would only experience scorn and mock… I don't want Kamui and mother to experience anything like that…"

Tooru smiled. "I see… Don't cry now, Kamui… Subaru is just thinking of you…"

"Don't worry, even if you are only my brother, I still consider you as my lover." Subaru finally said the words that Tooru wanted to hear. She smiled at the sight of his sons. They may be quite different, but at least they were honest to themselves. Kamui chuckled at his brother's statement. "Decide whether you want to cry or laugh. It's creeping me out." Subaru teased him while wiping his tears. Kamui chuckled again. He's so happy. His heart was not enough for his happiness. He felt so loved… His mother loved them so much that she's willing to accept them as they were… His brother loved him so much and so deeply… Kamui loved them both… so much…

"So you're lovers after all." Tooru is feigning a pout.

"No we're not. We're brothers with benefits." Subaru returned the argument, also pouting. Tooru laughed at this. The former Subaru wouldn't even think of doing something like laughing or pouting like that. He wouldn't even try to show his real feelings. The former Kamui would have just silently endured his feelings and tried everything to prevent his brother from knowing it. He wouldn't have said anything when Tooru asked him.

"_Their identities… are shattering…_" Tooru thought. "_They are shattering each other's identities so they could both be reborn and change…_" She smiled.

They ate dinner merrily while chatting about what happened on their own trips, except on the parts inside the fifth floor's room of course.

After that, Subaru decided to sleep in Kamui's room. Or, they didn't sleep at all.

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**Well, that's it. The next chapter will probably be the last one. And it'll probably be uploaded longer than this one. Haha, sorry. I really need so much time to do my studies.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**I'm really, really sorry for the slooow update. My muse kind of ran away and it took some time, some long amount of time, before she went back so I was really in a deep slump. Sorry! I hope you enjoy it! ˆoˆ**

**Chapter 14**

Kamui groaned. He felt very heavy. He tried to open his eyes and fought the light when it hit them. He groaned again. Then he felt it, the body almost on top of him and the quiet even breathing of its still sleeping owner. He couldn't help but smile in deep satisfaction.

"_Onii-chan…" _His sleepy mind seemed to comprehend.

His brother had been sleeping in his room for as long as two months now. That didn't mean, however, that they always did things like not sleeping when he's there. Sometimes, Subaru would be too sleepy to actually had any conversation with his little brother and just lay there sleeping. Sometimes, it would be Kamui's turn to sleep while reading or doing assignments and Subaru would find him in that position. Of course, he would never let his brother sleep on his study table or on the couch. He would carry Kamui to the bed and lay there beside him.

There were times, however, when Subaru just wouldn't stop bugging him when he had an examination. He would annoy the hell out of Kamui just to say hi. Kamui smiled again despite his sleepy eyes. He really like, no, he really love Subaru so much…

"_And the guy in question is still sleeping…" _He thought. "Onii-chan, I thought you have graduation practice today?" He looked at his brother, or he tried to. He saw his brother's dark disheveled hair and some cowlicks on it. He tried his hard not to chuckle. He liked it when Subaru was not in his best. Well, it's not as if he didn't flush and looked like he wanted to eat someone when his brother was in his best attire and looking so damn handsome. It's just that… he felt that this Subaru was only for him to see. Subaru's head was leaning comfortably on his chest. His dark hair also visibly rose and fell with Kamui's breathing. He was half on his side and half on top of Kamui. His arms were around his younger brother.

Subaru groaned at the statement but didn't take any hint that he understood it. He shifted and only nuzzled on Kamui's neck. Afterwards, his breathing became even again. "Onii-chan? I thought you have graduation practice today?" Kamui repeated.

"Not now… sleepy…" Subaru mumbled, nuzzling Kamui even more. Kamui liked it only too much. In fact, if he didn't know better, he would have let his brother sleep like this for a little longer. But Subaru clearly told him last night to wake him up before seven. He even told Kamui to drag him out of bed if necessary. Kamui thought he didn't need to do that and only chuckled, but now, he thought his brother might need some hand on that part. When he tried to stand, however, he found out that he couldn't. Subaru was almost on top of him and his weight together with Kamui's strength made a bad combination, especially when both of them were in bed.

"Onii-chan… you have to wake up now…" He voiced gently together with a little shake on Subaru's shoulder. "You told me last night to wake you up before seven because you have practice…"

Subaru groaned and opened his eyes a little. "What time is it?" He asked before he hugged Kamui again. "The practice is not that important anyway… It's not tennis, you know…"

"It's not..?" Kamui blinked. "What are you practicing?"

"It's for graduation… I'm one of the student organizers…" He mumbled incoherently. "Let me sleep for a while…"

"Even if it's already past seven..?" Kamui asked. He was about to let his brother sleep when the latter suddenly jolted up from bed.

"It's already past seven?" He almost shouted. "Damn, that girl will kill me." Kamui stared at him in confusion for a while as he started rummaging his things.

"That girl..?" He leaned his head to one side.

"Yeah, the one who leads the organizers." Subaru answered distractedly. "She's a classmate. She'll scold me again if I'm late. Wait, don't you have class as well?"

"Oh, I don't. This day is supposed to be a free day but the teachers gave us so many assignments to work on so... Uh, you should hurry up now, nii-chan." Kamui said.

"Oh, bye." Subaru answered as he grabbed the doorknob. He stopped, as if forgetting something, and then he went back to the bed and gave Kamui a chastised kiss and a smile before he was totally out of the room. Kamui heard the stairs and knew his brother was doing his very best to hurry up. He blushed as he touched his lips. His brother could be so sweet sometimes.

"_That girl…" _He thought. _"I wonder what kind of girl she is… to make nii-chan act like that…" _He knew he was being immature, but he just couldn't shake the ugly feeling that was creeping inside him. After all, he had never heard Subaru mentioned any girl all their life. That was a first… he knew that when his brother fell in love with that woman, he wouldn't stand chance against her. He was a guy, and he was Subaru's brother… They couldn't be lovers… _"So much for insecurities… I should have more faith in nii-chan…" _He sighed before he went back to bed again. The assignments could wait later.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

"Hey, Kamui!" Sorata greeted happily when Kamui entered the cafeteria. He was feeling very irritated because Subaru always went home late and always went to school even before he woke up. "Kamui? Are you listening?"

"Ah, yes." Kamui answered. There's only a week now before the graduation and Kamui felt that Subaru was getting distant to him. _Not that he wasn't used to it…_ He just felt that somehow, Subaru was getting colder.

"Why are you always so distant these past few days?" Nokoru asked in concern.

"It's about your brother, isn't it?" Suoh simply said as he stared at Kamui, who visibly looked guilty.

"I-It's not like that…" He answered. Sorata watched him in silence.

"Oh, I saw him yesterday and the other day too." Akira said. "Is the girl with him his girlfriend? She looks really gorgeous!"

"The girl with him?" Kamui asked. He felt like his heart was about to break. He couldn't take it. And yet, he knew he had to hear the answer.

"Yes. Lately, Shiro-senpai is always with a girl. I don't know her. But I know he's not the type to easily talk with someone else, right? They seem really close, those two. So the girl must be his girlfriend." Akira said.

"Akira!" Sorata blurted before he could stop himself. He just remembered that their three friends might not know anything about the real relationship between Kamui and Subaru.

Even Kamui looked at him. "If he has girlfriend, then it must mean he's getting kinder to everyone, right?" He stood up from his seat and excused himself. "She must be a really special someone. I think I should congratulate him." He briskly left the cafeteria. His four friends watched him silently in concern.

Kamui immediately went in the men's room and washed his face. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and saw how pale he looked. He wanted to cry so much. He hadn't experienced this kind of emotion yet so he didn't know what to do. It wasn't like the usual fight between them after all. Subaru said he loved Kamui, and he believed his brother. "Damn… I'm… jealous…" He listened to the splash of water as his tears flowed down his cheeks. There were voices of male students about to go inside the rest room so Kamui immediately went in one of the cubicles and closed the door. He wiped his face with no intention of listening to the conversation of the upperclassmen but the name immediately caught his attention.

"But that Shiro, I thought he's the silent type. It's the first time I saw him chuckle." A guy said. "Rika is really something, to be able to make that cold-hearted guy laugh."

"I thought he was all brother complex and tennis. But I guess people do change." Another guy said. "She was even watching him practice tennis yesterday. Those two are really going out, aren't they?"

"Yeah, rumors say that Subaru kissed her before he even confessed! That guy is really something!" The first guy laughed delightedly at his own statement.

"But I heard that it's not really a rumor." The second guy said. "My classmate really saw them."

"Well, I'm happy for Shiro. Do you think his brother knows?" The first guy asked. "Their relationship wasn't that good in the beginning so he might be the only one left out…"

Kamui didn't hear anything anymore because he immediately covered his ears with his trembling hands. He didn't like it. _Why didn't he tell me..? _If only Subaru told him directly that he didn't love Kamui anymore, then he wouldn't be suffering like this… Or wouldn't he? He knew he would most likely die… He gritted his teeth as fresh swell of tears covered his cheeks. He didn't like it at all… "Onii-chan… Why..? Why… are there so many rumors about you..?"

Kamui decided he didn't want to go to back to classroom anymore and decided to just go home. He had forgotten his bag but it didn't matter anymore. When he got home, his mother was about to ask what happened when she saw the tears on his face but he didn't seem to notice her presence and continued towards his room. He immediately locked the door. He thought that the pain would ease a little if he just slept. And so he did.

He was woken up by the knocks on his door. "Kamui? Are you asleep?" His brother's voice sounded worried but Kamui didn't care much about it right now. He felt that he would just hurt his brother unnecessarily if he saw Subaru's face directly. "Your friends said you left your bag and that you didn't go back to class. Are you feeling alright? Kamui?"

Kamui simply glanced at the door before he covered his face with the pillow again. He was lying on his stomach and had not yet changed from his uniform. He didn't want to believe the others over his brother, but Subaru was the one who mentioned her to him after all. He was always rushing to the school whenever she's concerned, and he always went home late because he had to take her home first. _"Of course, I can't help it… I'm really jealous…"_

"Kamui..?" Subaru called quietly. "If there's something wrong, you can tell me." Subaru left after that and didn't bother Kamui anymore.

"_So he slept in his room…" _Kamui thought as he decided to sleep again.

When morning came, he felt better. He knew he was just overreacting because of the rumors. Subaru would never do something like that. He descended the stair and greeted her mother. When he asked about Subaru, however, she said that a girl called him and he immediately went to school. If Tooru didn't know better, she would've immediately thought that there's something between Subaru and the girl.

"Kamui, have you talked about it with your brother?" She asked. "You might be just having some misunderstanding…"

"I think I'll do that." He tried to smile at her even though she knew he didn't need to.

Kamui went to school feeling a little worse than earlier because Subaru, ever since the day he mentioned that girl, had never once greeted Kamui anymore. He was now used that Subaru would kiss him when he woke up and kiss him good night before he slept. But now, he woke up without Subaru and slept still without him. Last night, he wondered why Subaru was early. He entered their room and saw his classmates' sickly delighted expression. They immediately crowded at him and interviewed him about his brother's supposed girlfriend. Kamui didn't like it so like always, he played cool and ignored every last one of them. Even when he went to the cafeteria, he had no appetite and his friends didn't know what's wrong with him, except Sorata of course.

"Can I sleep for a while?" Kamui asked them. "Wake me up when the bell rang."

"When the bell rang, it means that we're late." Sorata sighed. But Kamui still put his arms on the table and rested his head there while his friends ate lunch. He was just about to sleep when his mobile phone rang. He looked at it and saw Fuuma's number.

"Fuuma-senpai?" He called. But the voice on the other line clearly wasn't Fuuma.

"You look ill. Shall I send you home?" Subaru asked on the other line. Kamui immediately knew he was watching from somewhere. He tried to look for him for a while and saw that he was actually inside the cafeteria, together Fuuma and a girl he had never seen before. Subaru smiled gently when their eyes met, but Kamui's face showed nothing but pain. She was really beautiful and he felt very inferior to her. First, she was a girl. And second, he was Subaru's younger brother…

"Do don't have to." Kamui immediately looked away in deep annoyance and ended the call abruptly because he didn't want to say anything hurtful to Subaru even in his anger. His emotions were all cooped up inside him and he felt like he would be crying again so he immediately stood up and left the cafeteria without any word to his friends. Subaru immediately stood up from his seat and followed his brother, which brought all attention to them. Kamui's friends looked stunned to even close their mouth.

"Kamui. Kamui!" Subaru was about to catch up to his brother but Kamui disappeared in the crowd and Subaru didn't know where his little brother went.

"Ah, it's Subaru-senpai!" A girl called and immediately approached him carelessly. "We're members of the Newspaper Club and we are here to interview you. Subaru-senpai, what about your girlfriend did you like?" Subaru was immediately distracted by the throng of questions asked to him about his so-called girlfriend. They asked if it was really him who confessed or if she was the one who did it first.

"We initially thought you were all little brother complex. But it seems your little brother just knew about it yesterday. Why didn't you tell him?" The girl asked in a delighted manner and Subaru had to suppress his urge to punch her straight in the face. He didn't know what they were talking about and he still had to catch up to Kamui. In the end, however, he didn't see Kamui and immediately went to his younger brother's classroom after he finished his class. Kamui's classmates said he didn't go to class again. He was about to leave when Sorata called him and when he turned around, he immediately received a punch on the face. He was too surprised to even react. He stared as Sorata glared at him with all his might. He grabbed Subaru's arm and immediately stormed out of the classroom. The other students were all gaping at their leaving figures.

The two of them went to the rear side of the first year's building. There were no other people than them so Sorata said what he wanted.

"I thought you've changed. You really are the worst." Sorata said the words calmly but Subaru could feel intense anger in them. "If you're going to say you like your younger brother just to satisfy your pride, then you should've just continued torturing him. That was a lot better than what you're doing to him right now."

"I…" Subaru was still too shocked to form any word. He couldn't comprehend what Sorata was talking about. "I don't know what you're–"

"Surely you realize how Kamui likes you. And not just any kind of like. He likes you romantically." Sorata's voice was even quieter. He didn't want Kamui to be involved in an even bigger mess. Subaru's eyes widened at the words. He didn't think Kamui would mention their relationship to anyone. "Of course, Kamui doesn't know that I know. It's just that, if you really doesn't like him, please refrain from making him think that you do. It's hurting him so much. You of all people should be the one–"

Subaru immediately punched Sorata for his words. "You're the one who don't understand our situation so don't talk like you do. I love my younger brother more than how your puny brain can comprehend. Don't insult our relationship like it's nothing!"

"If you really like him then why do you flaunt another lover around the school!" Sorata's anger was also reaching his limit and he couldn't help but shout at the stupid senpai in front of him. "I thought you're one of the most intelligent students here! But you're too dumb to even realize that you're already hurting Kamui!"

Subaru immediately grabbed Sorata's collar as he shoved his kouhai on the wall. "I don't know what you're talking about so you better explain it to me."

"That girl you're with, she's you're supposed lover, isn't she?" Sorata exclaimed with so much frustration. "Don't you know that people keep on interviewing Kamui about your relationship with her! He's suffering and you don't even realize that! You still keep on going out with her and thinking it's alright as long as Kamui is okay with it! Well, he's not!"

Subaru gritted his teeth. "That girl and I don't have any relationship, as what you're assuming. If you don't stop saying that–"

"Well, everybody else thinks you do and Kamui is starting to think like that as well." Sorata finished before he slapped Subaru's hand and left Subaru alone.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui was once again lying on his back, thinking about things concerning his older brother. _"Onii-chan… why are you still with her even though there are so many rumors going on..? Why don't you explain yourself..? Why are you letting the students think that you really have a girlfriend..? Is it because those rumors are true..?"_

"Kamui? Kamui!" Subaru's voice was somehow different than usual. Kamui looked at the clock and saw that he had slept far longer than he originally planned. "Why are you acting like this?"

"_So you don't even know…" _Kamui thought as he listened to the voice on the other side of the door.

"Kamui, damn it! Open this door!" Subaru's knocks were starting to get really loud and it surprised Kamui greatly. He looked at the door and rose from the bed. "Kamui! Is it because of those rumors that you don't want to talk to me! Do you believe those rumors over me! Damn it, Kamui! I thought you have more trust in me than that!"

"Subaru, Subaru." Kamui heard their mother's voice. She was trying to calm his brother. "He won't come out if you keep on scaring him."

At that moment, Subaru felt like he was really the worst. He knew his brother was hurt by the rumors and by being with that girl, it's like sullying Kamui's trust even more. Sorata's words kept coming back to him and he was losing his patience and his cool. "I… I'm sorry… I didn't… mean it…" He looked at his mother saw nothing but concern in her eyes. He kissed her good night before he went to his own room. He would be sleeping alone again tonight. He just now realized it, but he really missed Kamui's presence beside him. He tried to remember the last time he said good night and good morning to his younger brother and he realized it was over a week ago. And while he was neglecting Kamui, all he did was hang out with Rika because of the damn graduation practice and also _that_. Rumors were already circulating the school and he did not even know it. He didn't try to explain to anyone… not even to Kamui.

"_No wonder he was really hurt… I'm… the worst…" _He thought, and he tried his hardest to keep the tears from falling down his cheeks. It hurt him so much to be ignored by Kamui, but knowing he had hurt his lovely brother was even worse. He felt so miserable. "Kamui… I love you…"

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

Kamui woke up early but he knew he didn't want to go to school right now. There was only four days until graduation and his brother was most likely practicing… again. He closed his eyes and slept some more. He was woken by the voice of his mother.

"Kamui, are you awake?" She asked. "Subaru said he'll talk to you later. He went out to practice." Kamui didn't answer, not because he was also ignoring her mother but because he didn't know how to respond. "I know it's hurting you, but at least eat something…" Kamui, not now and not ever, could he ignore that pleading voice. He loved his mother so much. He willed himself to stand up and open the door slowly. Tooru smiled at his son when Kamui opened the door. "Here's the food. You better eat it while it's still hot."

"Have you eaten, mother?" He asked silently. "Can you please eat with me?"

Tooru smiled and kissed Kamui's forehead. She wanted to hug him tight but she was holding a tray. She felt so depressed and miserable at the thought that Kamui and Subaru were suffering. She wanted so much for them to make up but she knew she mustn't interfere on their affair. As a mother, she could only give them advises and listen to them. But they should be the one to solve their problems themselves. It would make them stronger than when they kept on relying to her. She ushered Kamui to follow her and he did. They ate breakfast silently and Tooru didn't try to question Kamui about anything. She asked Subaru about the problem and he told her with many cuts so she at least had a hint. There's a girl that was being linked to Subaru in school and Kamui was jealous of her.

Kamui didn't go to school that day but he went to school the next two days. In the end, he didn't talk to Subaru and always locked the door when Subaru was in the house. Subaru didn't try to talk to him anymore after that night.

"Tomorrow will be the graduation!" The girls said excitedly. Kamui was in the classroom, looking out the window as always. There weren't many classes, just like now, because the teachers were busy preparing for the graduation and the students were just told to have a self-study, which no one heeded. Everyone was excited and also lonely at the thought that their senpais would be graduating tomorrow.

"Kamui, I'm sorry…" Sorata voiced quietly. Kamui was told yesterday that Sorata punched his brother and Kamui immediately punched him. After that, Sorata explained what happened in private and Kamui was too shock to learn that Sorata knew about his relationship with Subaru. But still, he told Sorata that he shouldn't have done that. Kamui loved his older brother so much and he didn't want to see Subaru hurt. The problem was for the two of them to solve and Sorata shouldn't interfere.

"I'm not angry anymore. Sorry for punching you." Kamui said as he looked at Sorata directly. Sorata sighed in relief as he smiled at his friend.

"Please allow me to say it's nothing." He smiled, and Kamui couldn't help but also smile. He felt like it had been ages since he last smiled. It somehow felt relaxing and freeing.

"Tomorrow is Graduation Day." Sorata said. "Have you already bought a gift for him?" Kamui's surprised look immediately answered Sorata's question and he proposed that they buy a gift for Subaru after class, partly an apology for Kamui, and partly an apology for Subaru. Kamui immediately felt and looked better at the thought of buying a gift for Subaru and Sorata was just too happy he thought of that idea. Now, Kamui wondered what Subaru liked. He had been thinking about that the whole morning and afternoon classes that he was barely able to eat lunch for an entirely different reason.

"I just realized I don't know what he likes…" He told Sorata when the latter asked what he was thinking about. The two of them were walking the busy street of Clidoren and were thinking about what to buy as a gift. His earlier excitement was immediately extinguished by the fact that he didn't know his brother at all.

"Kamui, let me tell you something." Sorata said in encouraging voice. "Knowing someone doesn't mean you have to know what he eats three times a day or what color he likes. It doesn't entirely rests on things like that. Of course, that helps but that doesn't mean you have to know those things to say you know someone."

"But I feel awful…" Kamui said as he fisted his hands. "I'm too ashamed to even say I like him even though I don't even–"

"Kamui, you shouldn't think like that." Sorata interrupted even before Kamui could finish his sentence. "Well, let's start here." The two of them stopped in front of a small department store and looked at the long sleeves and tuxedo displayed in front of the glass window. The clothes were being worn by mannequins. Sorata and Kamui decided to look at the clothes and were at a lost on what Subaru might want.

"What if we just try to think of something that suits him instead of trying to guess what he likes?" Sorata suggested as he too was exhausted trying to figure out if a tuxedo or if long sleeves was to Subaru's taste.

"What if he doesn't like it?" Kamui asked, looking uncertain.

"I'm sure Subaru-senpai will never dislike anything that comes from you." He smiled at Kamui and the latter's worried expression considerably lightened.

"You think so?" Kamui blushed a little when Sorata nodded. "I think I want to buy him something aside from clothes. He will be a university student from now so he needed clothes, but he already had so much of those…"

"How about something that's personally made by you?" Sorata said, trying his hardest to think of something that Kamui might be able to do. "Ah, how about you go naked, put a ribbon on your neck and present yourself as a gift?"

"Idiot!" Kamui immediately blushed at the thought and Sorata laughed at his friend's expression, not because he was teasing Kamui but because he thought Kamui was so cute when he's blushing. "Besides, we're not okay yet…" Sorata sighed before he smiled.

"How about making something? You're good at cooking, right? How about you cook something for him? Something you don't cook in an ordinary day?" He asked.

"My mother is usually the one who cooks on ordinary days…" Kamui felt more depressed than ever. "Ah, what if I cook something together with my mother? That would be nice…"

Kamui bought plain black long sleeves and an off-white tuxedo for his brother. He used his allowance to buy the expensive clothes so he was mostly broke after it. Then he bought some ingredients for a cake and Sorata raised his eyebrows on Kamui. "You know how to bake too?"

"A little." Kamui answered and smiled when they purchased the ingredients. Afterwards, the two said goodbyes to one another.

"Well, good luck." Sorata smiled. "I hope you make up with your brother soon. And when that happens, please tell him I'm sorry." Kamui nodded and thanked Sorata for everything before he uttered another apology. And they went on their separate ways.

**Ran-sama's Note:**

**I thought I can make it in one chapter. But I was just halfway there and it'll better to cut it for now. The next chapter will be the last, hopefully. Thank you for reading! Please don't forget to review… (Even if you have to scold me… T_T)**

**ˆoˆ**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Ren-sama's Note:**

**Everyone, this is the last chapter. This one is full of lemon and hard yaoi so please enjoy. And those who don't like it, please don't read the end part. But I would appreciate it if you'll take at least a look before you cover your eyes. ˆoˆ**

Kamui didn't feel much loneliness even when he learned from Tooru that Subaru still wasn't back from school. He immediately went back to his room after dinner and Tooru was somehow surprised that Kamui looked so lively. He also bought so many things, but Tooru didn't need to ask why as she saw a cute-looking gift wrapper in the plastic bag. Kamui put some of the cake's ingredients in the refrigerator and some in the cabinets. He would make the cake tomorrow.

"Have you two made up?" She asked, but Kamui simply shook his head hesitantly before he kissed his mother good night.

When he went inside his room, he immediately wrapped the clothes in a presentable way and put a ribbon on it. He would wait for his brother and say sorry to Subaru. He dedicated himself to doing that but when he opened his eyes next, it was already 2am and surely Subaru was already asleep. Kamui was still sitting on his study table and he realized he did not lock the door. He sat up straight and realized that a blanket was draped over him. It was Subaru's blanket. He immediately hugged the blanket tight as his tears started falling down his cheeks again. "Onii-chan…" Subaru's scent was on the blanket and Kamui hugged it as he slept on his bed. He woke up the next day still hugging the blanket, which was now draped over him again. He immediately looked at the clock and saw that he was already late for the Graduation Ceremony.

"Mother, why didn't you wake me up?" He called loudly as he descended the stairs, only to find that his mother wasn't there. A letter was on the table and Kamui read it silently. It seemed her mother had an emergency meeting at the company and was needed there very badly. She was sorry she couldn't make it but she asked Kamui to watch the graduation for her.

He rushed to their school and was just in time for Subaru's graduation speech. He looked really cool in his graduation outfit. And Kamui felt that it's been so long a time since he last saw Subaru, a week maybe, or even longer. Watching his older brother right now somehow felt really heart-thumping. Kamui was very nervous for his brother's speech but he was slightly blushing as he watched Subaru. He smiled and also clapped his hands when the excellent speech was finished. When the graduation was finished, Kamui really wanted to approach his brother and talk to him, except for the fact that that girl Rika was also with Subaru. He's sure he wouldn't be able to maintain his cool if he approached his brother now. He would just ruin his brother's obviously happy graduation. Subaru was smiling to everyone that greeted him, unlike the Subaru that Kamui knew and grew up with. His brother had really changed… and it seemed he was the last to notice it.

He looked down, gritted his teeth and willed himself to just go there and greet him like everybody else was doing. But he was afraid Subaru would reject him. Ever since their elementary years, Subaru's smile would vanish every time Kamui approached him. And even though Kamui already knew Subaru only did that because of his brother had unwanted feelings for him, the trauma and the pain were still too real to actually forget. He didn't want his brother to reject him. He loved Subaru so much…

"Kamui-chan, why don't you go nearer Subaru?" Fuuma teased. "That girl Rika will eventually steal him from you if you keep acting like that, you know."

"I…" He looked up and immediately thought he shouldn't have. He was just in time to see how Rika kissed Subaru on the cheeks. And worst part was the fact that his older brother didn't seem to mind. He gritted his teeth hard to prevent himself from shattering. He immediately ran away from the place.

Fuuma's voice called out to him but he didn't care. He didn't want to be in that place anymore. Subaru, who was very happy because his brother made it just in time for his speech, also looked surprised to see Kamui running away even before Subaru could talk to him. _"He didn't even congratulate me…" _But he immediately shoved the pain inside him as he tried to ask Fuuma what happened.

"It seemed he was hurt when he saw Rika kiss you on the cheeks… and you didn't mind it." Fuuma simply said. Subaru was frozen in his position. It wasn't like that at all… He had to explain everything to Kamui…

Kamui ran like his life depended on it. And before he realized it, he was already in front of their house. His face was so red from running and from crying. He immediately went inside the house. He was afraid his mother would be there to see him but she wasn't. He then remembered she had a meeting. It was already late in the afternoon and he still hadn't done anything. He wasn't even able to mash the dough for his present. He immediately wiped his eyes and cheeks and started working on his personally made cake while repeating the same line over and over again. "I will say sorry and congratulate him."

He had just finished doing the icing and the cake was already in the oven when the door opened. It was already dark outside and the rain was pouring down. He felt really nervous and worried for his brother. Subaru most likely didn't have any umbrella with him. He was about to go to the living room but a sound of a female's voice stopped him.

"I didn't think your house is this big, Subaru." She said, and even before he could see her, Kamui immediately knew the girl was Rika.

"_I will say sorry and congratulate him." _He told repeatedly in his mind. He didn't want that girl to spoil everything that he did. He was about to go out of the kitchen when he heard Subaru's voice.

"I'll just change my clothes." Subaru said as he started walking towards the stair.

"Let me go to your room too!" Rika said excitedly as she clung on Subaru's arm.

"Later. I'm about to change clothes." He simply answered. And that really pissed the hell off Kamui. Not even he was able to go near his brother's room for a long time and Subaru would just let other people in!

Just as Subaru turned towards the stair again, Kamui seized that chance to leave the kitchen and escape from behind him. He didn't want to see Subaru right now because he was sure he would say some nasty things, and he didn't like that. He would go out of the house for a while to cool his head off and come back once the girl was already home. But the thing he wasn't expecting was that at the doorway was Fuuma. He was surprised at Kamui's sudden appearance from the kitchen that he immediately blurted out his name. "Kamui-chan?"

Subaru immediately turned around and saw Kamui ran outside the house. It was raining hard and Subaru immediately ran after him. He felt that Kamui was running away from him every time he saw Subaru with Rika. He really needed to explain everything. Kamui ran even faster when he saw that his brother ran after him. The rain was making Kamui really hard to breathe and he felt really cold.

"Kamui!" Kamui, please stop!" Subaru knew that Kamui's weak body wouldn't be able to take any more running under the rain. His brother would get hurt again. "Kamui!"

"Leave me alone!" He shouted back as he ran as fast as he could. He was thankful there's no one in the park to see them like this. He didn't want to humiliate his brother in front of other people. But he just needed some space right now.

"Kamui, listen to me! Please let me explain!" Subaru was generally a faster runner and he was able to catch up after some more distance.

Kamui tried to struggle when Subaru grabbed his arm. "I don't want to listen! Idiot!" And when he turned around to struggle even more, his hand slipped and Subaru was slapped with the back of his fingers. That made both of them stopped. Kamui stared nervously at his brother. Out of all things, he was most afraid to hurt Subaru. But he knew his heart would shatter if Subaru told him everything… if Subaru told him he wanted Kamui to be merely a younger brother and not a lover anymore… if he told Kamui he liked someone else now and he didn't love Kamui in the same way he did… it would definitely shatter him to pieces…

But far from Kamui's assumptions, Subaru simply hugged him tightly, ignoring the cold rain that threatened to drown them both. "I don't mind you calling me idiot all the time… Just… don't run away from me… I won't be able to take it… if you leave me…" Kamui couldn't move at all. Aside from the fact that Subaru's body was preventing him to literally move, those words were just too powerful and immediately made him immobile. Subaru was hurting a lot too. Kamui could feel it from the hot droplets of water coming down from his brother's cheeks, a direct opposite from the cold pouring rain that poured down on them.

Kamui decided he wanted to listen after all, even if Subaru would tell him about the world's end. He let himself feel his brother's warmth. If Subaru wanted him to be just a mere brother, then so be it. He would still love his brother all the same anyway.

"I'll explain everything… please… please listen…" Subaru voiced again, this time in between broken sobs. Kamui felt hot tears falling down on his cheeks too, and he knew it wasn't from his brother's eyes. "I love you… I love you so much…"

"Please don't say that if you don't mean it…" Kamui felt like breaking in his brother's embrace as he hid his face from his brother. "I won't mind it if you say the truth… that you like someone else now. Of course, that's only natural… I feel inferior to her in so many ways… Mother said she calls you often. She knows your number and I don't. She makes you laugh and I wasn't able to do that until recently. You welcome her into your room when I couldn't even go there even though I live with you. She's very beautiful. And she's a girl. And she's not your younger sister… Other students think you hit the jackpot… They really envied you for having her… I really won't mind it anymore… It's just that lately, you spend more time with her than with me. I know I'm being selfish and ignorant of your situation and feelings, but I can't help it. It hurts so much… because I'm… jealous…"

Subaru felt so miserable as he listened to his younger brother. "Why do you think that? You know how much I love you…"

"But you didn't know her until recently… And then you began to get cold…" Kamui answered between sobs.

"Kamui, listen. That girl…" Subaru knew he had to say everything because Kamui told him everything too. "She's my classmate and also one of the leaders in the committee which I am in. And about over a week ago, she saw it. She saw my mobile phone filled with your photos and also the photos of the two of us… She took my memory card and said that she will give it back if I would help her get her boyfriend back. I don't want you to get in any trouble so I agreed. So I pretended to be close to her just so her boyfriend would be jealous. Of course, all the rumors circulated because of that. I'm one of the committee members and she said she'll show the pictures to everyone if I'm late. So I had to come to school early. And I also had to take her home as part of the deal. When I noticed that the rumors were circulating, you're already not talking to me."

"Because I keep on believing that they're merely rumors… only to be hurt every time." Kamui said. "Was she able to make up with him?"

"Sorry… Kamui… I didn't realize how much I have hurt you…" Subaru kissed his younger brother's hair and hugged him tighter. He missed Kamui so much that just hugging him like this was enough of a gift for him. "The guy made up with her, and she gave my memory card back. And as a sign of 'thank you', he kissed me on the cheek earlier. Sorry…"

"I apologize for not trusting you… Onii-chan." Kamui said as he looked up and saw Subaru's pained expression. "And… congratulations on graduating." Subaru looked surprised for a second but his face immediately turned lighter as he smiled at Kamui. He wasn't able to control himself anymore and immediately pulled Kamui's face closer and kissed him full on the lips. He opened his eyes again when he thought Kamui was trembling, and then he felt that Kamui's body was going limp.

"Kamui?" He called uncertainly. "Oy, Kamui!"

"Onii-chan… I feel awful…" He said when he felt his knees gave out. He was thankful Subaru was there and he didn't fall on the rain-soaked ground. Subaru immediately carried him and he let his head rest on his brother's chest. Subaru half-carried and half-hugged Kamui as he sprinted in the rain. The two of them came back to the house and saw huge smoke coming from kitchen. Fuuma came out and told them that a cake was left in the oven and was totally forgotten. Rika brought out her mobile phone and took a picture of Subaru carrying Kamui in his arms. Subaru creased his eyebrows immediately and Rika raised her hand to stop him from making any assumptions.

"Just so my boyfriend will not get jealous of you anymore." She chuckled as he watched the two of them. "Is your brother alright?"

"I'll go and get a blanket." Fuuma said as he started walking upstairs.

"My blanket is probably in his room." Subaru said and immediately added. "I'll get it. I'll be taking him to his room as well."

"Onii-chan…" Kamui mumbled, and Subaru's focus on Fuuma was immediately lost. The latter used this opportunity to escape upstairs. "The cake… sorry… it was a present…" Subaru was surprised that Kamui still prepared a gift for him despite what happened during the past few days. He felt so touched that he hugged his brother tighter before he kissed Kamui's forehead.

"It's too bad that I can't eat it anymore, but I can still eat–"

"You perverted older brother!" Rika shouted at him. "How can you say such vulgar words in front of other people!" She was wearing a serious face but Subaru knew she was teasing him because her eyes were smiling. He simply glared at her and continued comforting Kamui. Fuuma came back with two set of clothes, both of which were Subaru's. He also brought some towel with him.

"You wouldn't want me going inside Kamui-chan's room so I just went in your room and took these." Fuuma said.

"Kamui-kun," Rika called and Kamui looked up. It's the first time he was directly addressed by the girl. "I'm really sorry. I didn't realize you two have a deeper relationship than mere siblings." Fuuma had already told her the situation between Kamui and Subaru and she was deeply apologetic. She didn't realize the Shirou siblings' relationship was more than mere brother complex. "I shouldn't have used his photos of you just like that. I should've used Fuuma instead."

"Hey! I can hear you!" Fuuma reacted but she still continued talking to Kamui.

"I hope I can still be your friend." She smiled uncertainly. She had known Subaru ever since first year in high school, and if Kamui's character was the same as his older brother, then forget about the talk of friendship, the apology itself would only be wasted. She was partially expecting Kamui to glare at her or worse, simply ignore her. But Kamui smiled and nodded. He was so unlike his brother that it almost moved her to tears. She was so touched that she was about to go near and touch his hair when Subaru stepped back.

"Don't touch him." He voiced. His tone wasn't cold but it's also not the type that one could go against. Rika knew Subaru was serious and she didn't approach any further.

"You really are a very possessive lover." Fuuma sighed. Subaru didn't say anything and simply entered the bathroom, still carrying Kamui in his arms. "Don't play with him too much." Fuuma said and he laughed when Subaru glared at him before he closed the door. Fuuma and Rika chuckled. "He really loves Kamui…"

"I have a photo of the two of them! Yay, I'll display it in my room!" She said excitedly. "I have something in common with them after all."

"Yes, because you're lover is your half-brother, right?" Fuuma said. "That's why you had to ask Subaru to always walk you home."

"He also graduated with us." Rika chuckled. "Well, I might just have to tease them some other time. My brother will get angry at me if I don't go back home now."

"Subaru, I'll walk Rika home." He said as he gave the closed door a single knock. Subaru gave a distracted sound that looked like an agreement and Fuuma left together with Rika.

"You're not coming back there tonight, right?" Rika asked as the two of them walked passed the gate.

"Of course, because of your actions, Subaru missed Kamui-chan so much…" Fuuma said. "He will definitely do it with Kamui-chan tonight… I'm so envious… But Subaru wouldn't even let me watch them…"

"You're as perverted as Subaru." Rika sighed. "Poor Kamui… to be liked by two perverted persons… He sure had it rough… in so many ways…" And Fuuma laughed at her choice of word.

"Kamui…" Subaru called and Kamui opened his eyes. He was in the bathtub and he looked so pale Subaru couldn't help but call him every other second. He was naked and Subaru was washing the dirt off him.

"Onii-chan, I have another gift for you…" Kamui smiled to reassure his brother that he was alright, though he still felt really weak. The warm water was making him relax. "It's in my room…"

"Let's open it later." Subaru smiled. "And don't go locking the door again. I'll be sleeping in your room tonight." Kamui smiled weakly and nodded. Subaru kissed his hair before the latter stood up and went to the shower.

He also took off his own clothes and showered. Kamui watched him silently, hearing nothing but the splash of water from the shower onto Subaru's naked skin. The silence was kind of awkward but it wasn't uncomfortable. The two of them had not seen each other and had not talked comfortably for over a week now. Of course, they both missed each other very much. And it was hard not to get distracted by each other's body. Subaru would glance once in a while at Kamui while the latter was lying on his back in the tub. The water was clear and Kamui's creamy naked body was so deliciously visible. His face was still a little pale but there was now a hint of flush on his cheeks. His legs were slightly parted and Subaru could see Kamui's length in between, though the older male was trying his hardest not to focus his attention _there_. Kamui was still weak and Subaru didn't want to force his brother to do anything he didn't like anymore. He was satisfied, for now, on simply glancing at his younger brother while trying his hardest to keep his sanity under control. He didn't want to embarrass himself by getting so hard just at the mere sight of his brother's nakedness. And yet, he was finding it a very difficult, if not entirely impossible, task. Kamui, for him, just looked too innocent and cute that the mere sight of his flushed cheeks was enough to turn Subaru on. On the other hand, Kamui was lying on the tub and looking at his brother's naked body. Subaru was showering and the droplets of water on his skin were making him more seductive. He could see that Subaru was glancing at him and he knew his brother was thinking of something perverted with those lustful eyes. He blushed deeply when their eyes met. They both knew what each other were thinking and it was somehow awkward, but in a positive sense. They felt like they just started dating. Subaru was facing sideways when he looked at Kamui directly with his heated gaze.

"Do you want me to face you?" Subaru smiled maliciously and Kamui's relatively flushed face reddened even more. "So you can have a better view…"

"Onii-chan idiot!" Kamui exclaimed embarrassedly. "I'm not looking at… at _that_!"

Subaru laughed and the awkwardness in the atmosphere immediately disappeared. Kamui felt the by now familiar tone of his brother's laugh and that made him comfortable. "You're too defensive, little bro." He closed the shower's tap and walked towards the tub. "Can I join you?"

Kamui's eyes widened at the open seduction. Subaru smirked at the effect his words had. "Y-You're…. Are you drunk or something..?" Kamui asked in half astonished and half amused voice. His cool brother was actually playing hot and seductive, and it was somehow making him gape, but just a little.

Subaru knelt in between Kamui's legs and reached Kamui's face with his right hand while his left gripped on the tub for support. He leaned closer, and slowly and gently, licked Kamui's lower lip. The pleasure made Kamui part his lips and moan quietly. Subaru smiled and sucked his brother's lower lip to hear more of those lovely sounds from Kamui. Kamui unconsciously circled his arms on Subaru's neck and pulled his brother even more. It felt like it was such a long time ago since they last kissed and both of them savored the taste of each other's lips and the delightful sensation of kissing. Their kiss was gentle and slow, both enjoying each other's warm mouth and both basking in incredible but silent pleasure. It was kind of sweet, and Kamui felt that it wasn't erotic at all, just a pure sugary and pleasant feeling.

After that, they immediately finished showering because Subaru feared that Kamui would catch cold if he stayed in the water for far too long and they went to the kitchen again.

"The cake was so burnt…" Kamui voiced quietly as he looked at the black heap of something on the table.

"And I thought I'm the only one with the talent of burning things in the kitchen." Subaru said lightly. Instead of being offended, Kamui found the words very reassuring.

"At least I'm still better than you even at my worst." He answered and Subaru felt relieved that his brother finally smiled wholeheartedly. He looked at the burnt thing again and his attention was caught by the white sugary and fluffy looking icing in the bowl.

Kamui noticed the same thing. "Onii-chan, what are we supposed to do with the icing?"

"Icings are supposed to be cake's decorations… and added flavor." Subaru voiced. "But since our cake was burnt…" He looked at the cake again and then the icing. An idea was forming inside his head but he didn't know if Kamui would be very happy to hear about it.

"Onii-chan?" Kamui called and Subaru looked at him.

"Let's eat dinner for now." He answered. The two of them fried some eggs, because neither had the energy to cook any more decent food, and they enjoyed their quiet dinner.

"Onii-chan, can I ask some questions about what happened?" Kamui asked. Subaru looked up from his food and silently nodded. He could see that Kamui still had some uncertainties and lingering ache over what happened, and he wanted Kamui to forget about everything, though that was impossible. He knew it would only bother his brother even more if he didn't answer. And besides, it was mainly his fault that this happened between them, so he would make sure to answer as straightly as he possibly could.

"Why do you want to protect my photos from Rika-san?" Kamui asked after a while, just to fill in the silence. And that's the root of all problems. "They're just photos, right? Even if there are photos of the two of us, that doesn't mean people will know of our true relationship…"

Subaru looked elsewhere before he sighed. "Don't get angry. We just made up so don't blame me for this." Kamui creased his eyebrows, and Subaru had to sigh again and tell everything. "Fine. It's because… many of those photos are stolen shots of you… naked."

Kamui looked lost for a while, and then his eyes and gape widened. "Wha-What do you mean naked? I've never… And when were those taken?"

Subaru had to cover half of his face subtly to hide his embarrassment. He was kind of blushing and he didn't want Kamui to see that, but in vain. Kamui could clearly see his brother's ears flushed red and it somehow made him a little less frantic and more amused. "I said don't get angry… I took those photos while you were asleep… There are some when you're taking a bath with me… and some other occasions…"

Now it's Kamui's time to blush in surprise and deep embarrassment. "You're taking pictures of me like that?"

"I can't help it." Subaru merely answered to finish the topic and simply finished his last mouthful of food. But his answer was really what he felt. He couldn't help but admire Kamui every second and he would sometimes stare at those photos until late at night just to see his brother. Most of those photos were taken during the time when they still treated each other coldly. Subaru had no chance to stare at his brother so he used those photos to release his feelings, emotionally and physically.

"And why does she want to go to your room? You even allowed her." Kamui said as he too finished his meal.

"That devil woman only wanted to go to my room because she wanted to see if I have more photos of you displayed in my room." Subaru kept on answering with a straight voice even though the embarrassment was just too much to handle. He felt comfortable with Kamui, but both of them were not the type to say everything out loud and it somehow made him feel a little awkward. "I wanted to show her that I hide nothing so I said I allowed her…" But of course, there were many photos of Kamui in his room. Even Kamui didn't know that and he still sometimes stared at those photos, like these past few days. Subaru looked at Kamui and the feeling of loss and ache suddenly returned to him. He wanted to keep Kamui in his embrace. He felt that he missed his brother so much that this whole night wouldn't be able to make up for it. He missed Kamui more and more and he wanted nothing in this world but the warmth of his brother beside him. He stood up and was about to approach Kamui when the latter called his attention.

"Onii-chan?" Kamui called, surprised when Subaru suddenly stood up. "Is there something wrong?"

"N-No," Subaru answered, a little surprised and embarrassed at himself for actually losing it. "Let's wash the dishes." The two of the washed the dishes silently. Their elbows or their shoulders would brush against each other but neither said anything. Kamui felt too peaceful to be with his brother and Subaru felt too relieved that they were okay again. After they finished, Subaru glanced at the clock on the wall, which said it was almost ten, and then at Kamui before he spoke again. "You have another gift for me, right? Can I see it now?"

Kamui visibly reddened before he looked away. "Ah… s-sure."

Subaru noticed that and looked at him meaningfully. He didn't know what the gift was but he would love it regardless of what it was. Anything that would come from Kamui would be loved greatly by him. "Because I love you…"

"Eh? Did you say something, Onii-chan?" Kamui asked innocently. They were about to ascend the stairs when he heard Subaru mumbled something. Subaru who was on his right side merely shrugged.

"I said I love you." He answered casually before he stopped on his tracks. Kamui blushed deeply. He wasn't used that Subaru was so vocal about his feelings. Of course, there were times when Subaru really liked making him blush by saying things like that, but not with a really serious expression like now.

"Onii-chan?" Kamui called again when he saw the serious expression on Subaru's face. "Is there something wrong?"

"Ah, no." Subaru smiled before he began descending the stairs. "Go ahead to your room. I'll be right back."

"Ah, okay…" Kamui said. He didn't know what Subaru was thinking, but he wouldn't let his brother think about it for long. He reddened when he thought of how daring he would be this night, just this night. He entered the room and took the gift from his drawer. He then rummaged his drawer and took a red ribbon. "I hope I don't pass out from the heat…"

Subaru hurriedly went back to the kitchen and took the bowl of icing. He looked at it for a while and he bit his lip to stop himself from grinning. "It will be a wonderful night…"

He knocked before he entered Kamui's room. He was even a little afraid that the door would be locked, just like the past few days. But it wasn't, much to his relief. "Kamui?" He called when he saw no one.

"Y-Your gift… is here…" He heard the voice from behind him and turned around without much thought, until he felt his jaw drop at least in inch. Kamui was handing out his hand, where the gift was. But that's not the jaw-dropping part. It was the fact that Kamui was blushing to the tips of his ears, looking down while handing the gift. And, oh God, he was wearing nothing but a red ribbon on his neck!

"J-Just take the gift!" Kamui exclaimed when Subaru just stared at him with wide eyes. "It's embarrassing as it is…" With that, Subaru recovered a little of himself and tried his best not to simply eat Kamui alive. He took the gift and placed it on the table without opening it first.

"You're not going to open it?" Kamui asked when he saw what Subaru did. He was afraid that Subaru didn't like it, but Subaru's eyes said that he did, and more.

"Later." He answered in his cool voice, which Kamui missed a little. "I need to open another gift right now." Kamui reddened even more when the meaning of those words dawned to him.

"Onii-chan…" He said as Subaru approached him. "I missed you…"

Subaru couldn't help but smile at his brother's straightforwardness. "I brought some icing with me. Shall we put it on the cake?"

"Eh? But there's no…" Kamui said, until he saw the dark glint on Subaru's eyes. They were filled with so much lust and desire. "Onii-chan? Don't tell me..!"

"Don't worry, I'll wipe it later… with my tongue…" He said seductively as he hugged Kamui and kissed his shoulder. The younger Shirou couldn't help but groan in delight at his brother's touch. "Let's make you into the finest and most delicious cake..." He whispered in Kamui's ear as he nibbled on it. His fingers traced the line of Kamui's neck and took the ribbon away.

"O..nii-chan…" Kamui sounded like he was purring, which made him blush even more. Subaru smirked when he heard that. He loved it so much when his cool and aloof brother would make that sound.

"Let's get started." He said as he half carried and half hugged Kamui to the bed. Kamui lay on his back as Subaru knelt in between his legs. The older Shirou took off his shirt and his belt. In his hands were the bowl of icing and a spatula. Kamui, in his embarrassment, covered his face with his palms, but Subaru voiced, "Don't cover your face. I want to see you blush even more." Kamui felt Subaru's lips on his hands and took his hands off his face. Subaru was so close to him, and that was not unusual anymore, but he still had the tendency to blush deeply during these kinds of times. Subaru kissed his cheeks and then his eyes. "You're the best gift for me… Kamui… Just you showing up during my speech in the graduation ceremony earlier cannot even be compared to the applause everyone gave me… I think that us making up is the best gift for me… I love you so much…" He leaned in kissed Kamui's lips lightly. The younger Shirou was surprised at those words more than with the kiss. He didn't think Subaru loved him that much.

Kamui couldn't help but hug Subaru tightly. "Onii-chan… I too… I love you so much…"

"But don't think that you can escape being my cake just because you uttered those words so straightforwardly." Subaru whispered beside his ears and Kamui couldn't help but chuckle as he nodded. He let go of Subaru and the latter went back to his earlier kneeling position. He dipped the spatula in the bowl and slightly mixed the icing. When the spatula resurfaced again, it was already filled with icing. Subaru looked more handsome when he was thinking of some perverted things and Kamui couldn't really help but blush. Subaru gently and slowly spread the icing on Kamui's chest, which made the latter jolt at the cold and weird sensation of the icing on his skin.

Subaru spread the icing all over Kamui's chest and stomach, and even his lower abdomen, while wearing a serious face, which was making Kamui chuckle once in a while. "Don't move too much, Kamui." Subaru would also scold him once in a while, but most of the time they would enjoy the silence and the work of art, or love, that they were making. When Subaru finished, he breathed deeply. "That's the base."

"You mean you're not finished yet?" Kamui asked. Subaru looked at him darkly and licked his lips, which made Kamui's eyes wide. "Onii-chan? What kind of perverted things are you thinking?" He asked in embarrassment.

"The cake has no right to talk back to the baker." Subaru simply said before he dipped the spatula in the bowl again and took a small amount of icing. He placed it on Kamui's left nipple, which made the latter blushed. He repeated the same thing and put the icing on his younger brother's right nipple this time. Kamui gulped when he felt his embarrassment rising.

"That's not the part where you should be blushing, little cake." Subaru smirked. "It's this part." He added as he tapped the tip of Kamui's hard length with the spatula. Kamui jolted in surprise and embarrassment, which made his blush even deeper and his length even harder.

"Onii-chan!" He exclaimed and Subaru only chuckled.

"I'll cover it with icing too, and put a mountain of icing on its tip." He simply said as he dipped the spatula in the bowl and started spreading icing on the entirety of Kamui's length. The action was slow and deliberate, making Kamui gasp and whimper in so much pleasure. "You're getting harder, cake." Subaru voiced in feigned annoyance when his little work of art was destroyed because Kamui's shift in hardness tilted the mountain of icing and made it fall down the young male's abdomen. But of course, Subaru was silently enjoying it as Kamui tried his best to stop himself from squirming too much. "Ah, let's put some icing on your legs too. I'll lick it later…"

After some more minutes, Kamui felt really stiff because of the icing on his body. His legs were parted and he couldn't even move because Subaru's work would be destroyed again. Subaru, who was still kneeling in between Kamui's legs, started to unzip his pants. "Onii-chan, lick the icing now… I feel weird…"

"I've never seen any cake so willingly wanted to be eaten." Subaru smiled as he let his pants and boxers fall on the floor beside the bed. He towered over Kamui, using his elbows as support. "This is too much icing… I think I'll have to see a dentist tomorrow."

Kamui initially chuckled but it ended as a groan when Subaru started nibbling his neck and shoulders. "Onii-chan, there's no icing on my neck and shoulders…"

"The cake has no right to voice his opinion." Subaru voiced before he sucked a skin on Kamui's neck which made Kamui groaned a little louder. Subaru liked leaving marks on Kamui's skin, but Kamui was the same on him so they basically had a silent agreement about it. Subaru liked Kamui's intoxicating scent and he always spend their foreplay sniffing and licking his brother's skin or nibbling it. Kamui circled his arms on Subaru's neck and pulled him more. Subaru was just too happy to oblige and give Kamui more breathtaking pleasure.

Subaru started licking the icing on his brother's chest just as Kamui repeatedly kissed his hair. The latter liked Subaru's scent and he too was intoxicated with it. He half groaned half whimpered in pleasure when Subaru sucked his nipples together with the mound of icing on it. The sensation was just too good that he couldn't help but arch his head and hips when Subaru started licking his stomach and abdomen, and even his legs. He licked it and was able to clean everything, though they both felt more sticky than cleaner. "Too much icing…" Subaru couldn't help but complain. Of course, it was his fault for putting too much icing on Kamui even though he wasn't a fan of sweet things. Kamui was the only sweet cake he would ever taste.

Kamui saw that his brother looked sickened by the icing and he couldn't help but feel worried. "Onii-chan, you don't have to–"

"Don't talk back, cake." Subaru said before Kamui could even finish his sentence. "This is the last part, and also the most delicious one." Kamui reddened at those words. Subaru slowly dove in between Kamui's legs and gently licked his younger brother's length. Kamui initially gasped and then groaned loudly at the pleasure. Subaru licked his hard body rather slower than usual, which made the sweet torture on Kamui prolonged. Subaru put the tip of the body in his mouth and sucked the icing before he let his tongue play with the slit of Kamui's manhood. Kamui couldn't help but scream as he felt so lost in deep pleasure. Subaru bobbled his head and Kamui involuntarily arched his hips to seek more of his brother's tongue and mouth. He was already too hard and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it anymore.

"Onii-chan… ahhh…. Please… stoppp… I-I'm going… to…ahhh…." Kamui couldn't voice his protest straightly because his mind was too muddled and he was too out of it right now to form any coherent words. Subaru enjoyed hearing that and he sucked Kamui's length even harder as his hand worked on the base, where his mouth couldn't reach much. Kamui started to shudder and in a little while, he found himself coming inside his brother's mouth, much to his embarrassment. Subaru swallowed everything and gave Kamui's manhood a little nibble before he let go of it. He licked his upper lip as he looked at Kamui's deeply blushing face. The younger Shirou's breathing was shallow and ragged, and Subaru couldn't help but hug him tight.

"Did that feel good?" He whispered beside Kamui's blushing ear. Kamui hugged him back, although a bit weaker, and nodded. "Shall we go to the main course?" He asked again. He was also hard and he wouldn't be able to stop himself anymore, but he still wanted to know if Kamui was okay with it. It was such a long time since they last did it all the way, and Subaru didn't want to unnecessarily hurt Kamui just because of his lustful body reaction. To his relief, Kamui nodded again. "It's such a long time since we last did it… so I'll be gentle." He kissed Kamui's slightly parted lips before he looked at the bowl of icing again.

"Onii-chan? Why are you looking at that thing again?" Kamui asked suspiciously. The way Subaru looked at the bowl could mean many things Kamui didn't want to think about. It was much too daring for his innocent mind to comprehend.

Without answering to his brother's question, Subaru dipped his middle and ring finger into the bowl and took some icing. Kamui's eyes widened when he realized what the icing was for. "Onii-chan? D-Don't tell me…"

"It seems you know what I'm about to do so I don't think I need to tell you." Subaru smiled as he leaned over and kissed Kamui's chest. His middle finger played with Kamui's entrance which only added to the delightful sensation that Kamui felt, on top of being nibbled by Subaru. The older Shirou licked Kamui's nipples just as he entered the first finger inside his younger brother. Kamui gasped in the initial pain, but immediately grimaced at the weird sensation of the icing inside him. It wasn't unpleasant, but he still didn't know how to take that sensation so he didn't know how to react. "Just take it as something pleasurable." Subaru murmured against his chest, and he couldn't help but nod. After a while, Subaru entered the next finger, which made Kamui groan in delight. It felt so good that he didn't mind the icing as the lubricant anymore. Subaru thrust his fingers in and out and made some scissoring movements so his brother would be more prepared. Kamui enjoyed it only too much and hugged Subaru tightly as support.

Subaru kissed Kamui again before he withdrew his hands. Kamui slid his arms behind Subaru and hugged him tighter just as Subaru cupped his brother's rear in position. Kamui shifted because his hips were a little uncomfortable just as he looked at Subaru in the eyes. Subaru met his gaze and they both smiled at each other. Kamui wanted nothing than to melt in his brother's arms and Subaru wanted nothing than to be with Kamui, just like this.

Kamui blushed again when he felt his brother's hard length at his entrance. He gasped when Subaru suddenly kissed him full in the mouth before the older male slowly thrust his length inside him. Kamui could only groan in their kiss as he felt his brother inside him. Subaru felt a little weird with the icing but the pleasure was just too overwhelming even for him. After a while, no one knew whose groan was whose as they let themselves melt in each other's embrace. Subaru was now inside Kamui up to the hilt but he wasn't moving yet. They wanted to savor their silent moments and bask in each other's warmth, not heat. After some more minutes, though, they both knew that they needed to move if they didn't want to explode from too much self-restraint. Subaru started rocking against Kamui in slow successive movements. Kamui's lips were on his brother's neck, nibbling it to his heart's content. Subaru groaned once in a while when Kamui would bite his flesh too much, but his attention was on making sure he wasn't moving too fast, and that was proving to be very difficult as his mind was starting to get muddled up and his body basked in too much pleasure.

"You can… move faster…" Kamui voiced against Subaru's skin. Subaru knew his brother was also too out of it because Kamui would never voice something as embarrassing as that if his mind was any clearer. But he too was too out of it to actually argue. He moved gradually faster and faster, until Kamui was screaming because he couldn't handle the pleasure anymore. Subaru liked it that Kamui whimper and groan because of him.

"Kamui, I love you… I love both your body and your heart…" He whispered just before he felt he really blinded by pleasure to even think. Kamui shuddered under him just before he came on Subaru's abdomen. That pleasure brought a reaction to Subaru's overly excited length and also brought him to climax inside Kamui. Kamui could only scream and Subaru too could only groan as the two of them reached their climax in each other's arms. What came after was sheer bliss and blankness as both of them tried to cool down.

"Onii-chan… you always climax right after me…" Kamui, still a little too out of it, voiced. Subaru only nodded, not in the right mind to form any words. They hugged each other and kissed lightly, both a little exhausted and satisfied. Subaru was still inside Kamui but he was not in any mood to take his body out yet. He cuddled with Kamui and they exchange light kisses on the lips, cheeks and forehead.

"Mother will go back home tomorrow." Subaru said casually when he suddenly remembered. "We need to clean up…"

"Later…" Kamui hugged Subaru tighter when he felt that he was being pulled into a deep slumber. It had been a week since he last slept together with Subaru that he felt so relaxed right now, and also very happy. Subaru kissed Kamui's forehead once more before he too let himself relax.

"Kamui… let's play tennis tomorrow…" Subaru voiced sleepily. "I haven't played tennis with you ever since that last time…" Kamui nodded and Subaru leaned even closer. His head rested on Kamui's neck and Kamui's cheek was resting on his hair.

Soon, nothing could be heard in the room than the sound of two quietly sleeping lovers. The room, and even the kitchen, was still in a mess. But everything, everything could just wait later.

~THE END~

Ren-sama's Note:

**That's it. The time for Kamui to settle down had come. I don't want to get them anymore problems so their story has ended and I hope you enjoyed it. I also hoped that the two of them are enjoying their private lives now. I thank everyone who supported me and "Shattering Identities." I love you all and I'll miss your lovely reviews about Kamui and Subaru. ˆoˆ **

**P.S. Please support my next SubaruXKamui fan fict, entitled "Broken Wings." The first chapter is already released. **ˆoˆ**  
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